What you consume on a daily basis has a direct impact on your mindset, emotions, and even your marriage. Think of your relationship like a garden — what you plant and nurture will grow, but what you allow in without care can poison the soil.
In this blog post, we’ll uncover 10 things you might be consuming that negatively affect your marriage and provide practical ways to detox from these hidden poisons.
1. Social Media Comparison
We’ve all been there — scrolling through Instagram or Pinterest, looking at pictures of happy couples on exotic vacations or at family gatherings. It’s easy to feel like your own marriage is lacking when you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
This constant comparison can make you feel like your marriage isn’t enough, which can lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and unrealistic expectations.
How to Manage It:
- Set time limits for social media use to avoid getting lost in the scrolling cycle.
- Unfollow accounts that trigger negative comparisons.
- Instead, focus on appreciating the unique strengths of your marriage and the qualities that make your spouse special.
- Share moments of gratitude with your spouse to remind yourselves of the good things you’re creating together.
Example:
Instead of scrolling through vacation photos of other couples, take the time to plan a weekend getaway with your spouse. When you return, share photos that represent your shared memories — not a picture-perfect façade.
2. TV Shows & Movies That Glorify Toxic Relationships
Many TV shows and movies normalize unhealthy behaviors like infidelity, manipulation, and disrespect in relationships. We often see these behaviors glorified as part of a “love story,” which can distort how we perceive real-life relationships. If consumed regularly, this content can desensitize you to harmful behaviors and lower your standards for how you treat your spouse.
How to Manage It:
- Be selective about the media you consume.
- Choose shows and movies that promote healthy, respectful relationships and open communication.
- Have open discussions with your spouse about how the media influences your view of marriage and how to protect your relationship from those negative messages.
Example:
If you and your spouse enjoy watching TV together, make a pact to only watch content that promotes trust, respect, and healthy communication. If a certain show feels toxic, make the conscious choice to stop watching it.
3. News and Fear-Based Media
We live in a world where bad news spreads quickly, and fear-based headlines are everywhere. Constant exposure to negativity and fear can heighten anxiety, stress, and even create tension between you and your spouse. It can also lead to unnecessary disagreements if you and your spouse have differing views on current events.
How to Manage It:
- Limit news consumption to a specific time each day so you’re not constantly bombarded.
- Choose credible, unbiased sources over sensational headlines.
- Focus on gratitude and positive conversations with your spouse to counterbalance the negativity.
Example:
Instead of watching the evening news right before bed, spend that time sharing something positive that happened during your day. This will help create a more peaceful, uplifting environment for both of you.
4. Negative Friendships
The people you surround yourself with can heavily influence your thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes. If you have friends who consistently complain about their spouse or make negative comments about marriage, it can have a toxic effect on your own relationship. Negative energy from friends can easily spill over into your marriage.
How to Manage It:
- Spend time with friends who value and support healthy, happy marriages.
- Limit interactions with those who regularly speak negatively about their spouse.
- Seek out other couples who inspire you to grow closer to your spouse and build a strong relationship.
Example:
If a friend constantly complains about their spouse, try steering the conversation toward topics of appreciation, growth, and positivity. You can also invite them to engage in activities that strengthen relationships, like couples’ events or relationship-building retreats.
5. Work Stress
Work-related stress doesn’t stay at the office. It often follows us home, affecting our mood, energy levels, and our ability to connect with our spouse. When work becomes all-consuming, it can lead to neglecting the emotional and physical needs of your relationship.
How to Manage It:
- Set clear work-life boundaries, like turning off work notifications after a certain time or setting a specific time to stop checking work emails.
- Prioritize daily check-ins with your spouse to maintain emotional connection and stay in tune with each other’s needs.
- Practice stress-relief activities together, such as going for a walk, doing yoga, or simply giving each other a relaxing massage.
Example:
When you get home from work, make it a point to take a 10-minute breather before engaging with your spouse. Use this time to decompress so you can fully engage and be present with each other.
6. Pornography
Pornography can distort expectations of sexual intimacy, leading to disconnection both emotionally and sexually. It can create unrealistic standards for intimacy and undermine the trust and vulnerability that are essential in a marriage. Over time, it may even contribute to a lack of desire for real connection.
How to Manage It:
- Set clear boundaries around technology use, especially when it comes to consuming adult content.
- Be open and honest with your spouse about any struggles with pornography. Transparency is key to maintaining trust.
- Focus on building intimacy through emotional connection, communication, and shared experiences, rather than turning to an artificial portrayal of sex.
Example:
If pornography has become an issue in your relationship, consider seeking professional counseling together. Engage in open conversations about what you both need to feel connected and supported.
7. Gossip and Negative Talk
Gossiping or speaking negatively about others can easily become a habit, creating a mindset where you focus more on flaws and faults rather than strengths. This negativity can seep into how you speak about your spouse, leading to resentment and disconnection.
How to Manage It:
- Commit to speaking positively about your spouse, especially in public and around friends and family.
- Replace gossip with uplifting, encouraging conversations that focus on the positive aspects of others and your relationship.
- Practice daily gratitude by sharing what you appreciate about your spouse, no matter how small.
Example:
When a friend begins to gossip about their spouse, change the subject to something positive or offer a compliment about your own spouse. Not only will this strengthen your own bond, but it will also set a positive example.
8. Household Clutter & Mental Load
A cluttered home often leads to a cluttered mind. The mental load of managing household tasks can fall unevenly on one spouse, leading to stress, resentment, and exhaustion. If one spouse is always juggling multiple responsibilities, it can feel like they’re doing it all, which impacts intimacy and emotional connection.
How to Manage It:
- Declutter your home together to create a calm, organized environment that fosters relaxation and connection.
- Use a shared task management system (like the “Home Harmony” feature in our app) to split responsibilities fairly and keep track of what needs to be done.
- Communicate regularly about each other’s mental load and find ways to support one another in balancing household tasks.
Example:
Make it a weekly habit to sit down with your spouse and discuss your shared responsibilities. Revisit the chores list and adjust based on how each person is feeling about their workload.
9. Music with Negative Messages
Music is a powerful tool that can influence your emotions and mindset. If the songs you listen to glorify toxic relationships, objectification, or disrespect, they can subtly affect how you view your spouse and your relationship.
How to Manage It:
- Choose music that uplifts and inspires love, respect, and positivity.
- Create a “love playlist” with your spouse that you can listen to during special moments together.
- Be intentional about the messages you’re allowing to influence your mindset.
Example:
Instead of listening to songs with negative or degrading messages, curate a playlist of love songs or instrumental music that fosters a positive, romantic atmosphere.
10. Phone/Screen Time
Constant screen time, especially with smartphones, can steal precious moments away from meaningful interactions with your spouse. If you’re both glued to your phones during dinner or before bed, it can hinder connection and communication.
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How to Manage It:
- Implement phone-free zones in your home, such as the bedroom or dinner table, to encourage face-to-face connection.
- Set screen time limits on your devices to reduce distractions and increase time spent together.
- Prioritize real, meaningful conversations over scrolling through social media or checking emails.
Example:
Designate a “phone-free” time in the evening where you and your spouse can disconnect from the digital world and engage with each other without distractions.
Final Thoughts: Guard What You Allow Into Your Marriage
Just like your physical health depends on what you eat, your marriage’s health depends on what you consume mentally and emotionally. By being mindful of what you allow into your mind and heart, you can protect your marriage from toxic influences and create a relationship that thrives.
Start by making small changes, and you’ll see a big difference in how you and your spouse connect, communicate, and grow together. Just as a healthy garden needs careful attention and care, so too does your marriage.
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