Listen to the podcast “10 Mistakes Women Make In Marriage”
I know most of you are thinking “Women don’t make mistakes so what is this article all about?” Well… they do. These 10 mistakes are not according to Nick and Amy, but according to most relationship experts and therapists. We know most couples are truly searching to find “Ultimate Intimacy” in their relationship so hopefully this article can help you identify the mistakes you might be making or struggling with. We also did a fantastic podcast “10 Mistakes Men Make In Marriage” that you can listen to HERE.
We understand not all women fall into these mistakes, but we do think they are pretty common so let’s dive in to the top 10 mistakes women make in marriage.
1. Putting the kids first
We get so many social media messages and emails from husbands expressing that their wife puts the kids first and their marriages suffer from it. This is so sad, but something that is a reality for so many couples. Your spouse should come first in marriage and when you put your husband first, your kids also benefit from this as they will see how important marriage is to you. We have done this in our marriage and it is amazing to see how our kids look at marriage and how much it is blessing their lives.
2. Not setting boundaries with friends and family
Friends and family can take up so much of a wife’s time. Some women go exercise with friends, lunch together with friends or family, or participate in lots of activities together with the kids, and so many other things that can take up so much time. We have seen this first hand where relationships have struggled because there were no boundaries set with friends (or family) and the wife spends all of their time with friends. This can have a huge negative impact on your relationship with your husband. Set good boundaries and make sure that you and your husband are both on board with the time you spend outside of the marriage. Having other relationships is very healthy and important as long as you make time for your marriage too! Marriage should be top priority!
3. Trying to change your spouse
Trying to change your spouse can cause serious issues in the relationship. Here are several things that spouses try to change:
- Friends and family that you dislike
- Where you live
- Mental and physical health issues
- Sports or hobbies
Reverse the roles, how would you feel if your husband was constantly trying to change you? If you are constantly trying to change your husband and think you will be happier if they changed, the truth is you will never be happy. You either love your husband the way he is… or you don’t.
It’s totally natural for you to want the best for your husband and striving to reach goals or make changes for the better is very healthy. But there is a big difference from encouraging your husband to be their best and trying to completely change who they are as a person.
4. Not wanting physical intimacy with their husband (looking for excuses not to have sex)
These are phrases that are common heard from a wife to her husband:
“It’s that time of month…sorry”
“I am not in the mood”
“I am too tired”
“I have a headache”
“We were just intimate ___ days ago”
“The kids will hear us”
And the list goes on and on..
Wife’s don’t realize how important sexual intimacy and connection is to their husband. We have talked about this in past podcast episodes and articles but it is important to keep noting that it is vital to a husbands self esteem and worth. Most husbands can truly cannot survive without it (sex). Sexual intimacy is the way a husband feels loved and needed and his self confidence is tied to it. To hear more about this, check out podcast episode “36: Sexual Intimacy Is VITAL For Survival In Marriage“
“In marriage, sex is like food. It is a basic need vital for survival and it should be healthy, enjoyable and frequent. If it’s not enjoyable it will feel like a chore, if it’s not frequent you will feel starved, and if it’s not healthy it can cause harm.” – Oliver and Denise Marcelle.
That is a pretty bold statement, but very true. Just as our bodies need food to survive, so is sex in marriage. It is vital to surviving and having a happy and healthy marriage.
Change your outlook and perception about sex and prioritize it in your marriage! Just as women need emotional intimacy, men need physical intimacy and cannot survive without it.
5. Not taking care of yourself physically
Make an effort to look nice for your spouse (and for you). It is a simple way to show him that you care about him, and about yourself.
We know this goes both ways as we discussed this in our last episode (the top 10 mistakes men make in marriage). God gave us our bodies and expects us to treat them good (not defile them). Wife’s forget that their husband loves them for who they are and they are not looking for the perfect person! They fell in love with you and just want you the way you are!
6. Focusing on the negative qualities instead of the positive (forgetting to compliment him)
It is so easy to focus on the negative and what things he is doing wrong that we often forget to see the things he is doing right (or positive things he does). Ask yourself, what is your perception of things? Do you look at the glass half full or half empty? Focus on the positive things your husband does for you and your family and let him know by complimenting him. You will see a drastic change in him and most likely you too 🙂
7. Not being direct with your feelings
Women often think that their husbands should “know” how they are feeling and they shouldn’t have to be direct or sharing their feelings. Men are simple creatures and often cannot pick up on what you are expecting him to know. THEY CANNOT READ YOUR MIND. Just tell him how you are feeling and things will be much better in your relationship. If you have a problem, tell him. If you want him to do the dishes, tell him 🙂 You will be amazed at how easy it is and how many problems or feelings of resentment will go away.
8. Comparing your relationship and life to others
Let’s face it, Women spend a lot more time on social media looking at what their friends or neighbors are doing, or where they are vacationing to, others relationships, etc. It is very easy to compare your relationship to others and wonder why your life is not like that. This can be devastating for a marriage. Stop wishing your marriage and relationship was like someone else’s and start working on making it better. Your relationship and experiences are going to be different from others. Enjoy your life and experiences together.
9. Involving friends or third parties in your relationship
Don’t talk negatively or involve other people in your relationship with your spouse. Yes, you can share the positive experiences or things that have brought you closer together but don’t complain or talk negatively about your spouse to others. Misery loves company and if you start doing that, it will lead you down a long miserable road.
10. Over scheduling the kids with activities
This is a huge problem and typically wife’s have good intentions. It’s not bad to put the kids in activities and things to keep them busy, but find a good balance. Over scheduling the kids can take away precious and valuable time that you could be spending together as a family, or with your spouse. DON’T over schedule your kids to the point where your marriage suffers. Your children will find much more success and happiness from a loving home and loving parents than they will being involved in everything.
Want to listen to the podcast on the 10 Mistakes Women Make in Marriage? Click the listen now button.
Check out the AMAZING Ultimate Intimacy App to experience more sexual intimacy, passion and excitement in your marriage! The app has tons of conversation starters, conversation games, bedroom games, resources, and so much more! Download for free today at ultimateintimacy.com or click on the picture below.