07 Dec

This article was reposted and used with permission from 80/80 Marriage

Has this ever happened to you?

You and your partner finally carve out time to be alone together. You go on date night or you take a weekend away together or maybe you just take 45 minutes to walk around the neighborhood.

But then, as you enter into this precious time reserved for connection, you stare blankly at each other wondering, “Shouldn’t we have more to talk about?”

It’s a marital predicament experienced by couples at all stages, by newlyweds, those who have lived together for years, and those who have been together for decades.

So how can you reignite the spark of conversation during your time together? Here are six of our favorite questions.


1. What’s really going on with you?

One of our favorites. It’s an invitation to take the conversation one level deeper, an invitation to talk about challenges, struggles, and victories your partner may not know about.

2. What’s something that you feel proud of?

Lost in the hectic flow of every day life is the ability to talk about small but meaningful accomplishments at home, at work, or in family life.

3. What thought keeps looping in your head?

Most of us have something swirling in our minds at all times. Expressing it to your partner will not only bring you closer. It will also help you release the grip of these stressful thoughts.

4. What change have you noticed in yourself that I may not have noticed?

Here is an invitation for your partner to really see you – to understand some of the changes they may have missed in the midst of life’s chaos.

5. What’s something you say you want to do but you haven’t yet made happen in your life?

This question brings with it both a heightened understanding of each other and an opportunity for your partner to support you in making a change in your life.

6. What are the three things about our life together that you’re most grateful for?

The classic question of gratitude. The science on this is clear: simply shifting your attention to a few things you’re grateful for is the fastest, most efficient, way too experience well-being and happiness. Try it for yourself by asking this question.

Reminder: these questions are by their nature quite vulnerable. To go from conversation to connection, listen and share from a spirit of Radical Generosity.

Nate and Kaley Klemp are authors of the new book The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Marriage, a New York Times Editors’ Choice selection. To download their free PDF guide to Epic Date Night, tap here. This article was reposted and used with permission from the 80/80 Marriage.Also check out their great book “The 80/80 Marriage” and free relationship guides HERE.

This article was reposted and used with permission from The 80/80 Marriage

Check out the Ultimate Intimacy App for over 250 Conversation Starters and many other resources to start great conversations with your spouse. Click on the picture below to download for free.

The "Ultimate" Newsletter
Subscribe to our newsletter for weekly marriage tips, printables, and updates on the app and products!
Sign up for FREE:
*No spam, we promise.