23 Jul

We could probably find 1,000 or more things that destroy intimacy in marriage, but today we are going to cover the top 6 things that most people deal with in their lives.

Pornography

Pornography is the ultimate enemy of intimacy.

Many people use pornography in their marriages thinking it will help spice things up, and while it may for a short time period, the long term destruction and effects are devastating and can be destructive to your marriage, relationship, job, soul and every aspect of your life. And because it is so addictive, the deeper the addiction becomes, the harder it is to get out of it. I have people I know that pornography has literally destroyed almost every aspect of their lives, and it is something they will fight to control for the rest of their lives. Here are some thoughts to consider.

A person addicted to porn will have a much harder time getting aroused by their spouse

Porn actually lessens your desire to have sex with your spouse because it is the porn that turns them on, not their spouse.

Porn makes regular sex boring. A person looking at porn often gets a distorted view of what sex really is and instead of focusing on a connection with their spouse, it becomes more about selfish fulfillment.

We have a ton of resources and articles in the Ultimate Intimacy App under the resource section “Overcoming Pornography” that can be a great help. Check them out by downloading the app for free by clicking the link below.

Anxiety/Stress

Anxiety and stress is something that can have a HUGE impact on intimacy. Stress is something we all deal with in our lives on probably a daily basis. Some stresses can be long term such as health conditions, finances, a job or many other things, while other stresses are very temporary such as a work deadline that needs to be met, activities, or situations we are going through. The one thing about stress is we all have it almost all the time at certain levels. Stress is an interesting thing, for men, stress can make them want more sex (to take their minds off things) or completely put sex and intimacy on the back burner. For a woman, as sex is much more mental, anxiety or stress typically has a huge impact on their desire for sex.

While there are many causes of anxiety and stress, there are also many ways to manage stress. Check out our great articles in the Ultimate Intimacy App for ways to manage stress and anxiety.

Low Sex Drive/Low Libido

Low libido (or a low sex drive) can be caused by so many different things such as:

  • Medications and anti depressants
  • Drugs
  • Alcohol
  • Obesity
  • Lack of sleep
  • Stress/Anxiety
  • Low self esteem
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Testosterone levels
  • Menopause

Identify what the issue or cause is if possible and seek the professional help you need (if needed).

Social Media/Technology

Social media and technology is a huge intimacy killer. We did a poll several weeks ago on our instagram and asked the question if they thought social media was harmful to their marriage.

It was about 50/50 on average, which is kind of sad to think that 50 percent of couples have a real problem with this, from the ones we questioned. We asked if they felt like boundaries helped their marriages, having those social media boundaries between each other, and 88 percent of our followers who answered said absolutely they do, which is awesome that they are setting boundaries and protecting their marriages.

Another question that we asked was: If you could get your spouse to turn off social media, would you want them to? 70 percent said they would want their spouse to turn it off, which means that it’s causing some sort of serious contention or some sort of issues.

Why it can be such a problem

By just reading a couple of stats online, I was kind of blown away. A lot of these stats, I found were actually on divorce attorneys websites and articles they wrote. One in three divorces now start in online affairs through social media. That’s a pretty staggering number. From the one in three divorces: 30 percent of those people that are using the app Tinder, are actually married.

Facebook has become a leading cause of divorce, according to HG.org, which is an attorney website. It states that a lot of the divorces are happening because of facebook. There was also a survey done out of 205 Facebook users between the ages of 18 and 82, and 79% of them reported being in a romantic relationship with someone online other than their spouse.

25 percent of couples fight about Facebook on a weekly basis. So one in four marriages are having arguments every week about something happening on Facebook and it says on average people interact, meaning they swipe, they type, they click, they tap their phone around 2617 times each day. That is a crazy ton of time.

Social media is both physically and psychologically addictive as it lights up the same part of the brain that also ignites when using an addictive substance causing dopamine levels to rise.

Lets get real, we are obsessed with our phones.

It is interesting to me, when you see those screen weekly updates at the end of the each week, on Sundays, and all the sudden it tells you how long you were on your phone! “What???…I was on it 5 hours a day?”
Pretty crazy how fast it adds up with all the things we do on our phones each day.

Social media can be a good thing, and a bad thing. We’re not saying that you shouldn’t have social media or use social media, we’re saying here are some things to consider and to think about. We created the Ultimate Intimacy app for a reason, we want to do everything we can to help your marriages and relationships be better, and this is an area we feel there is a lot of issues!
We know how addictive and how much it distracts us from having other interactions and activities, which would actually make relationships stronger. I mean, if you think about if you spend an hour a day, maybe it’s even 2-3, what could you be doing instead (connecting with your spouse)?

The Blame Game

It is easy to point the finger at your partner and blame someone else for things that are not going right in life, or in your marriage. We have a very hard time looking in the mirror and taking ownership for the mistakes we make or things we do wrong. Playing the “Blame Game” takes away passion from your marriage and will put a wedge between you and your partner. Work together as a team and try to solve the problems or issues together instead of blaming them on your spouse. Its not about who is right or wrong, but working together as a team.

Check out hundreds of great articles and resources for free in the Ultimate Intimacy App. Your spouse will thank you for it 🙂

Busy-ness

Life is crazy busy! We have our jobs, kids, activities, hobbies, church, friends and many other things that take our time and intimacy with our spouse and that connection we vitally need as a couples is usually one of the last thing on the priority list, when in fact is should be one of the top things on our priority list. We have talked about this many times, but it is vital for a couple to make time to connect and be intimate. Schedule sex or do whatever you have to do to keep “busy-ness” from destroying your intimacy, and your marriage!

Check out the #1 Marriage and Intimacy App for couples called “Ultimate Intimacy”. There are so many features and resources to help your marriage, and best of all, it is free to download!