We often think that to improve our relationships, we are going to need to move mountains and make huge changes that can seem overwhelming, but the fact is, it is the little and simple things that can be game changers in our relationships. So husbands, here are 6 things your wife needs from you, and if you implement and do these simple things, it will be a game changer for your marriage!
Here are the 6 things your wife needs from you:
1. Your wife needs your full attention and to be listened to.
There are so many distractions in life and it is so easy after a long day at work to come home and want to just shut things out and sit on the couch and watch tv, or be on your phone, or whatever takes your mind off of things. Many of us are guilty of this. Your phone, sports, movies and other things don’t matter in the long run. What is most important is your marriage and relationship with your wife.
Put the less important things to the side and make time to talk to your wife and listen to her and give her your undivided attention. We have talked about this before but just as sex is important to a man, communication and having this emotional time with your wife is just as important to them. Find time to put other distractions to the side and sit down and listen to her.
2. Your wife needs your love and affection (and not just when you want sex)
What a woman needs from her husband is love and affection. Not just every few days when they want sex, but they need to feel loved all the time. Love and affection do include physical intimacy and sex, but there are many forms of affection and love that do not include sex.
- Holding your wife’s hand
- Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie or TV
- Hugging and kissing
- Expressing how much you love her
- Back rubs or foot massages
Understanding her love language and applying that (if you don’t know your spouses love language, take the quiz on the Ultimate Intimacy App)
3. Your wife wants to be taken on dates and have fun together!
This was a huge game changer in our marriage. We actually wrote an article called “how date night changed our marriage” which you can read HERE.
Date night is so important and it is a time to connect with your wife. Remember when you first met all the exciting things you did together and the fun you had? It probably seemed like nothing else even mattered. After getting married, you might have kids and life can quite honestly get stressful and in a rut. Your wife needs to get out of the house, away from the kids and have a good time with you, just like when you were dating and first married.
We get so many people that contact us saying they can’t do date night as they don’t have the time, or money to do so. This is just an excuse as there are so many things you can do for date night that doesn’t have to take a ton of time or cost money. The key is that you are spending time together having fun! Check out our amazing date night ideas in our card decks to find fun and cheap ways to enjoy date night together.
4. Your wife needs to be cherished.
Our wives love to feel loved and special. It is the little things that make them feel that way. Things that could show your wife you love and cherish her could be giving her some flowers, a love note, taking the kids out for a little alone time, doing some things around the house without being asked, or if you are my wife, picking her up something that she would love 🙂
Just do the little things to show her how much you love and cherish her.
5. Your wife needs you to be vulnerable and wants to have a deeper connection with you.
Your wife wants you to be open and honest with her about how you feel. She want’s you to feel comfortable confiding in her and sharing your thoughts, fears, stresses, weaknesses and deepest thoughts. She wants to know you value an emotional connection with her and trust her. Traditionally in the past men were expected to be strong, not express their emotions or feelings and put up a “barrier” and just be tough. Doing so showed weakness, so they did not express their feelings, emotions and other vulnerable things to their spouse. This is not healthy.
A man who can share his feelings with his wife is the kind of husband your wife wants. For great ways to create a deeper connection with your spouse, check out the conversations starters on the Ultimate Intimacy App for FREE.
6. Your wife wants to feel safe and secure.
Your wife needs to feel safe and secure. This can come in many forms such as financial security, emotional security and physical security (such as protection).
Emotional Security DO NOTS:
-Don’t Criticize.
John Gottman states that criticism and contempt are the most destructive in un-healthy relationships. Criticism can be many forms such as name calling, verbal threats, sarcasm, belittling and other verbal things. The non verbal things can include rolling your eyes, sighs, shaking your head in disgust and other non verbal signs. These are very destructive to your relationship.
Here is an example many of us can relate to. Chris comes home from a long day of work to find the house a mess. He starts to lay into his wife Amy saying “what do you do all day just sit and watch tv? this house is a mess!” and he continues to put her down and belittle her. What he doesn’t realize is his wife has gone shopping, done the laundry, dishes, taken care of the kids and paid the bills. This is a form of criticism that will make his wife loose safety and security really quickly. What Chris could have done (and said) is “it looks like you have had a busy day, let me help you clean up and then I can take the kids for an hour to give you some time. I appreciate all you do for me and the family”
-Don’t be dishonest.
Your wife needs to know she can trust you. Don’t keep secrets, build boundaries with the opposite sex and open up to your wife and make her your “confidant”. If your wife doesn’t trust you or think you are honest with her, you’re in trouble.
-Don’t hold resentment.
If a husband continuously disregards his wife, her desires, and options, she will start to resent him and the decisions he makes. I can attest to this. Years ago in our marriage, I was pursuing a business opportunity and was so passionate about it, nothing was going to get in my way. It overtook me, my life and my priorities to the point that I put our family in a very difficult positions financially. Even then I continued to pursue, but instead of involving my wife, I shut her out and made decisions on my own which caused even more problems as my decisions were not good ones as it turned out to be. Needless to say, this about destroyed our marriage and she lost a lot of trust and respect in me, that is something that I think about everyday and still hurts me more than anything else imaginable, as I know I hurt her and lost her trust. Now I involve her in all decisions and talk with her constantly about things and it is a partnership, which it should have been from the beginning.
husbands, do these things and your marriage will change drastically!
Check out podcast episode 71 The 6 Things Your Wife Needs From You.
For more tips and articles from Marriage Experts, check out the Ultimate Intimacy App on the app stores and get over 1000 marriage tips, games, quizes, articles, printables and so much more!
