29 Dec

Podcast Episode 46. Listen on Ultimate Intimacy podcast HERE

The importance of touch.

First, touch does not always have to be sexual, but sexual touch is so important in marriage. Never miss an opportunity to touch each other.

Even if your love language is not “touch” we all crave touch as humans.  Touch is a physical need for everyone. The amount we need or the kind of touch we need varies from person to person.  Knowing what kind of touch your spouse needs is vital to your marriage.  Touch keeps us feeling valued and desired in a relationship.  If you feel like the touch aspect of your marriage is low, here are a couple goals you could set together:

  1. At least one night a week, snuggle up on the couch and watch a show. Make sure to cuddle each other.
  2. Hold hands everywhere you go for 2 weeks and see if it becomes genuine and natural. Hold hands in the car, the movies, on a walk or when shopping.
  3. Get in bed 30 minutes early at least 2 times a week. Touch each other. Massage each other. This does not need to be sexual. Enjoy making each other feel good with your hands.

Sexual Intimacy and Foreplay.

Sex is a very, very important way to express your love and desire for your spouse. It literally is glue to keep you together and if you don’t have this “glue” your relationship can start to turn into friendship only or worse “roommate syndrome.” Even if you have different sex drives, it is important to find a healthy balance in your marriage to maintain a close physical connection. Make sure you talk to each other openly about all the things in your life that interfere with sex and find a way to keep that sexual intimacy and passion alive in your relationship. If you are struggling in this area, here are some goals to set that might be useful:

  1. Jumpstart your sex life with the 7 days sex challenge.
  2. Make a goal of at least once, or twice a week to be intimate for one month. Make sure to go to bed early so you have time for foreplay.
  3. Play the Ultimate Intimacy Bedroom game on the app, the romance and foreplay section. See if you can find that spark again and have the hard conversations with each other on sexual intimacy.
  4. Spend more time in foreplay this year. Make it a priority to get to know each others bodies better and take the time to do so. Foreplay is the “play” for adults. Have some fun with it!

Spiritual Unity

It is important to have spiritual unity. It doesn’t always mean that you need to have the same religion, or worship the same amount, it means that you respect each other when it comes to spiritual aspects, and you can talk about them with openness and love.  You can pray with or for each other and share experiences with each other.  It is important in marriage to have the same values and goals or at least respect one another’s goals.  Some goals you could make if you are suffering in this area:

  1. Pray together. Set time each night to pray. Pray for each other and for your marriage.
  2. Write a list of your values and spiritual goals as a family. Discuss how you can help your spouse and how they can help you.
  3. Share a spiritual experience with your spouse and let them share one with you.  If you don’t have any to share, then make effort to put yourself in more spiritual places so you can experience some.

Emotional Connection/Intimacy

We all have emotional needs in our relationship. We all want to be loved and we all want to give love. It is important to know what you need personally and what your spouse needs from you.In a healthy marriage relationship, both of you understand the other’s primary emotional needs and you both work to respond to them because you not only love your spouse but respect them also. Sharing your needs with each other is also very important. Some goals you could set in this area:

  1. Take 20 minutes at the end of each day minimum talking about your day, the good parts and lows of the day. Ask your spouse what you can do to make their day better.
  2. Go through all topics on the conversation starters on the Ultimate Intimacy App. Ultimateintimacy.com. Learn more about each other in all topics.
  3. Make a goal to say “I love you” at least once each day. Set a reminder in your phone if you need to until it becomes habit. Then make the goal to say it every time they leave the house.

Intimate Friendship & flirting

Victor Borge states “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. If you want to become more emotionally intimate with your spouse, look for ways to laugh together.”  Having a strong marriage begins with having a deep friendship. Laughter is key with this, along with fun, hobbies, and spending time together. Enjoying marriage is enjoying each other. If you are suffering in the friendship area of marriage…here are some good goals you could make:

  1. Take up a new hobby or interest this year that you both find exciting and want to learn together. Pick something that will bring you closer together and that you will spend more time together doing.
  2. Make a goal to flirt more, text each other once a day with a flirty comment, compliment or try grabbing each other’s bottom when you pass by. Leave your spouse love notes once a week or text your spouse during the week that you want to be intimate with them.
  3. Set a day each week where you can just go on a walk together or a hike. Being outside is a great way to get away without distractions and enjoy each other and nature.  It is a great way to have long conversations together and reconnect. Don’t forget to hold hands as often as possible. 


Too often married couples get into the habit of not discussing necessary topics related to household chores, raising kids, and dealing with finances or sex. Daily routine in life starts to get in the way of having those deep intimate conversations you had at the beginning of your marriage. Now is time to prioritize the conversations that are key to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Some goals you can try to help with communication are:

  1. Go through the conversation starters on the Ultimate Intimacy app over the next week when you have free time. Take the time to dive deep into the conversation topics that you feel you need work in or need to grow closer together.
  2. Make plans to go on a date night every other week at the least or have date night at home and make sure to talk and ask each other questions. 
  3. Climb in bed at least 20 minutes early each night and have quality pillow talk.

Financial Goals

Finally, finances can be the biggest cause for divorce, that is how important it is to be on the same page in this area.  Communication about your finances is key. As a couple, you need to be on the same page about your financial goals and how you are going to reach them together.  If you are struggling with finances in your marriage, here are a couple goals that could help:

  1. Go over a budget for the next year. Make a plan together where you can cut costs, how much you want to save and how you can pay off any debt.  Set smaller monthly goals and even weekly if needed. Be transparent in your conversation.
  2. Create a jar together and set a goal to put a certain amount in it each week. See how much you can save over the next year together.
click on image to download printable Intimacy questionnaire

If you aren’t sure what goals to make in your marriage, click the image above and take the quick quiz. There are 8 questions in each category you will rate from one to ten and see which category you should work on most in your marriage.

If you need some great conversation starters, some position ideas that are non-graphic, learn your spouses love language, or play the ultimate intimacy bedroom game, download the free app to spice up your marriage and add passion to your conversations and intimacy!

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