There are so many things that can cause issues in your relationship and if you don’t take care of these issues, or handle them in the right way, it can have devastating consequences on the relationship. Here are the common relationship issues in marriage.. and how to handle them.
INSECURITY
All of us have or feel some sort of insecurity at some point in our lives. It could be due to a loss of work, not being able to support the family or the lifestyle we expect we should have. Not feeling we are good looking enough and the list goes on. While it is normal to feel these things especially if we are going through some difficult times in our life, or in our marriage, there are things that can be done to help with these feelings.
There are 3 types of insecurities to consider
Personal Insecurity – This is how you view yourself, your looks, your body or any other aspect. It is also how you “think” others view you.
Professional Insecurity – This happens in our workplace or our careers. We think we aren’t good enough for a job promotion, or lack the ability to make a presentation. This fear keeps a lot of people from achieving their goals and taking risks.
Relationship Insecurity – When you feel like you don’t deserve your spouse, or they deserve someone better. Maybe you feel they would be better off without you.
About 40% of our happiness comes from how we experience life events so this can have a significant impact on how we look at ourselves.
- Confront your feelings and fears rather than avoiding them. When we confront our insecurities and fears, and overcome them, it can give us a great sense of confidence. If we don’t confront them, we will always feel like they are controlling us.
- Stop trying to be a perfectionist. Realize you are going to make mistakes and fall short. EVERYONE does and that is part of life. You can actually grow stronger through the mistakes and adversity.
- Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people. We become who we surround ourselves with.
- Remove yourself from the people and experiences that are causing you to feel insecure.
- Embrace your characteristics and things about you.
CONFLICT
Every relationship deals with conflict, It’s not a matter of having conflict, but all about how you deal with and handle the conflict you have. We have talked about this a great deal and recommend reading this article “The Best Conflict Resolution Advice Ever. This will be the best information on conflict you will ever hear.
JEALOUSY
Jealousy can be a big one! A spouse could be jealous of:
- Time spent on hobbies or other activities
- A spouses friends or family
- Jealous of other people
Often times if someone is feeling jealously, it is due to the insecurities they have and are dealing with and most often less about someone (or something) else. If you are feeling jealousy, here are some of the things you can do:
- Identify what is causing your jealousy and insecurities – There is a good chance it could be social media causing you to feel this way. Once you have identified what it is, remove it from your life.
- Communicate openly with it to your spouse – You can only resolve something when you talk about it. Your spouse may be able to help you as well.
- Practice gratitude – Instead of focusing on all the things you don’t have, focus on all the good things you do have in your life. Being grateful is one of the best ways to get rid of jealousy.
Check out podcast episode 98 How envy and jealousy can negatively impact you and your marriage
VERBAL ABUSE
Verbal abuse is a lot more common in marriage than people think. Verbal abuse can be:
- Saying negative things to your spouse or kids
- Putting them down or insulting them
- Swearing at them or say inappropriate things
- Yelling and screaming
- Threatening
If you are afraid of speaking your mind, if you feel like you are always walking on egg shells, if you feel threatened, if you are afraid of them, if they come across as the victim, these are all signs of verbal abuse. Verbal abuse should NEVER be accepted and if you are experiencing it in your relationship, you need to seek help.
TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
You know you are in a toxic relationship when your physical, emotional or psychological well being is constantly being negatively impacted or threatened. Toxic people can be:
- Manipulative
- Abusive
- Bad temper
- Make you feel guilt
- Controlling
- Negative
- Use you to get what they want
- Narcissistic
Here is a great article and podcast on toxic relationship and how you can deal with toxic people.
Podcast 93. Getting the toxic people out of your life and why you need to do it
TRUST ISSUES
Trust issues are a HUGE issue for many couples. We have even dealt with these in our own marriage and it is tough to get over. Some are done intentionally while other things are done unintentionally, but either way, they can cause significant damage to the relationship.
It is hard for a relationship to move forward when trust issues are not resolved. Here are some signs you might be having trust issues in your relationship:
- You are suspicious
- You are always assuming the worst
- You are always focusing on the negative
- You distance yourself from them
- You can’t forgive them
- You don’t open up to them
- Issues with intimacy in your marriage
So if you are experiencing trust issues in your relationship, what can you do to help resolve them?
- Work on better communication with your spouse. Talk about how you are feeling and try to understand how they are feeling.
- Understand what is causing you to have the lack of trust and try to deal with it directly.
- Talk to a therapist or coach
MENTAL HEALTH
Mental health challenges for an individual doesn’t just impact them, but also their spouse, their kids and everyone around them. That can be good and bad. Good from the standpoint that there are a lot of people that care about you and want to help you. Bad as it can negatively impact a lot of people if not property taken care of or managed.
Mental health issues are so common that almost everyone is impacted by it in some way whether dealing with it personally, or with a loved one. Mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the United States and statistics show that more than 50% of people will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder at some point in their lifetime.
Some mental illnesses people struggle with include:
- Depression
- Post traumatic stress
- Eating disorders
- Anxiety Disorder
- And others
Some are caused by past experiences we have had, our current circumstances we are going through, while others are even brought on by ourselves with things that we do.
One common cause of mental illness is our addictions to our devices and social media. We are always comparing ourselves, our lives, and our marriages to others. We are constantly being told that we won’t (or can’t) be happy unless we look a certain way, have a certain product, etc.
If any one of these common issues is having a negative impact on your relationship, communicate with your spouse about this and work to find a solution to the issue rather than ignoring it, or trying to deal with it on your own.
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