In the beginning, it’s often a whirlwind of excitement and giddiness for most marriages. We can attest to that 🙂 We eagerly await our spouse’s return home, filled with anticipation and happiness and can’t wait to see them and spend time with each other.
However, as time passes, those initial feelings may begin to fade. This shift can leave us wondering why marriage now seems harder than it once did, and why is it different?
One fundamental truth is that marriage takes ALOT of effort from both spouses. When one spouse feels like they are doing all the work, it creates an imbalance that can lead to resentment and frustration. This lack of mutual effort is a common reason why marriages can become difficult.
Here are some key factors that contribute to making marriage harder than it needs to be and ways to address them.
1. Unrealistic Expectations
One of the biggest hurdles in marriage is having unrealistic expectations. and we all have them for our spouse. We often have a mental image of what our marriage should look like, influenced by movies, books, and social media, painting this perfect picture of what is should look like.
These expectations can set us up for great disappointment when reality doesn’t match the fantasy. It’s important to recognize that each marriage is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Focus on what makes “you” and “your spouse” happy, and stop comparing your relationship to others.
This is one of the greatest issues that we see couples face. In fact, we took a poll and 86% of couples stated that comparison has hurt their marriage.
2. Lack of Communication
Avoiding difficult conversations can lead to unresolved issues that fester over time. Open and honest communication is essential for a healthy marriage. If something is bothering you, address it with your spouse rather than sweeping it under the rug. Tackling issues head-on can prevent them from becoming larger problems down the road.
It is mind blowing how many people reach out to us with an issue they have in their marriage, and the first thing we ask them is “well, have you talked to your spouse about it?” and most of the time, the answer is NO!
Remember that almost any issue in marriage can be resolved and overcome with good communication. If you feel like like you struggle with communication in your marriage, then try our conversation starters in our app (The Ultimate Intimacy App). They can help you prompt great conversations with each other covering almost any topic.
3. External Pressures
Work, finances, family expectations, and social pressures can add significant stress to a marriage. These external factors can distract us from prioritizing our relationship. It’s important to find a balance and not let these pressures overwhelm your marriage. Make time for each other, and remember that your relationship should come first.
Always put your relationship first above anything else. That doesn’t mean you neglect other things, but prioritize your relationship and everything else will flourish as well.
4. Fear of Vulnerability
Being vulnerable with your spouse can be challenging, especially if you’re not used to expressing your emotions. However, emotional intimacy is crucial for a strong marriage.
Sharing your fears, concerns, and feelings with your spouse can strengthen your bond and create a deeper connection.
5. Neglecting Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is vital for a healthy marriage. When you neglect your own needs, you can become depleted and unable to fully show up in your relationship. Prioritize self-care to ensure that you can give your best to your spouse.
When you prioritize self care, you show your spouse you love and care for them and want to be healthy and happy together. How can you care for your spouse if you don’t care for yourself?
6. Holding onto Resentment
Holding onto past hurts and resentments can poison a marriage. It’s important to address and resolve these issues to move forward. Letting go of resentment and forgiving each other can pave the way for a healthier, happier relationship.
So many couples have unresolved conflict which greatly impacts their relationship and keeps them from moving forward. If you have unresolved conflict in your marriage, work to solve it immediately.
7. Taking Each Other for Granted
Over time, it’s easy to take your spouse for granted. Show appreciation for the small things they do and express gratitude regularly. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in making your spouse feel valued and loved.
8. Failure to Prioritize
Life demands a lot from us, but it’s crucial to prioritize your marriage. Set aside time for date nights, quality time, and meaningful conversations. Making your relationship a priority can significantly improve your connection and satisfaction.
We talk to couples all the time that are struggling and the first question we ask them is “are you prioritizing your relationship?” This means dating each other. The answer is always no. Prioritize your relationship! You will prioritize the things that are most important to you.
9. Resistance to Change
Change is a natural part of life, and being open to it can enhance your marriage. Embrace new experiences and be willing to adapt as you both grow and evolve. Resistance to change can create stagnation and prevent your relationship from thriving.
10. Loss of Intimacy
Physical and emotional intimacy are vital components of a healthy marriage. When intimacy wanes, it can create distance and disconnection. Make an effort to maintain intimacy in your relationship, both physically and emotionally. It can make your marriage feel more fulfilling and connected.
If you are lacking intimacy in your relationship, you need to download the amazing Ultimate Intimacy App! There is a reason we call it “Ultimate Intimacy” and it can help you transform your relationship! Find out why it has a 4.8/5 star rating and over 800,000 downloads.
Conclusion
Marriage is a beautiful and rewarding journey, but it requires effort and commitment from both spouses. By addressing these common issues and working together, you can create a stronger, more resilient relationship. Remember, a happy marriage is not about perfection, but about two people who are willing to grow, adapt, and love each other through all of life’s ups and downs.
If you want to learn more, check out our amazing podcast and the episode we did on this subject titled: 283. Do We Make Marriage Harder Than It Needs To Be?
In this episode, we talk about:
Do we make marriage harder than it needs to be? For most of us, the answer is a resounding yes. It’s easy to fall into patterns and habits that complicate our relationships, often without even realizing it. Drawing from personal experiences and observations, we delve into the common ways couples inadvertently make marriage more challenging.
In this episode, we explore the specific behaviors and mindsets that add unnecessary stress and strain to marriages. From communication breakdowns to unrealistic expectations, we cover a range of topics that often turn small issues into significant obstacles.
Join us as we share insights, stories, and tips to help you recognize the ways you might be complicating your marriage and provide you with tools to create a more joyful and fulfilling partnership. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been married for decades, this episode is packed with valuable advice to help you navigate the complexities of married life with greater ease and satisfaction.
