Check out Podcast Episode 95. Why Many Christians Struggle With Sex And Embracing Their Sexuality.. And What To Do About It
As a culture, Christians are often very closed and uncomfortable when it comes to discussing sex in their relationship and homes. Maybe it is because for many of them (like myself) it was never talked about in the home growing up and felt like a taboo subject that people just didn’t feel comfortable discussing.
Growing up in a Christian household, my family never talked about sex and I don’t even recall getting “the talk” from my parents. It was a taboo subject and so everything I learned was from friends and school, which of course was all wrong. So when we got married, for many years it is something we just didn’t talk about in our marriage, and our marriage suffered because of it.
And for many of the Christian homes that do talk about sex, it is talked about in a negative light as if it is bad, and something we should run away from as if it were the plague, and we are not to talk about it or do it. But then the night you get married, all of the sudden it is ok! This can be, and IS so confusing to many Christian women (and some men) and can cause issues in their marriage.
While there are many reasons Christians struggle with sex and have sexual barriers in there relationship, there are simple things couples can do to break down these barriers.
Understand sex is from God
It is important for many Christians to understand sex is from God, and he want’s us to enjoy it together (with our spouse). The only purpose of the clitoris on a woman is for pleasure! That shows that God wants sex to be pleasurable and enjoyed! Many Christian women feel shame for having sex, or even desiring sex as they have been taught from a young age that sex is bad, and then they get into marriage and have a hard time enjoying it, or even having the desire to have sex.
Study, read and talk together about your sex life and the reasons why God wants you to have a good sex life. Once you understand and more important believe that He wants you to have a good sex life, that will allow you to enjoy connecting sexually as a couple.
Another thing you can do as a couple is to pray together to understand that God want’s to see you have a happy and fulfilling sex life together, and for guidance on what you can to as a couple to help your marriage in this area.
Learn more about each other… together
For many Christian couples (especially women), they don’t understand their bodies and how they work. Many women have never experienced an orgasm! It is vital for couples to learn about each others bodies together. We would even use the word “experiment.”
There is nothing wrong with trying new things and experimenting together to find out where your wife likes to be touched, how they are aroused and figuring out how their body works, and reacts. Once a couple can figure out each others bodies sex can become enjoyable and amazing for both couples.
For some great resources on this subject, check out the Ultimate intimacy App. There are hundreds of articles on arousal, anatomy, how the body works, and how to overcome some of the barriers.
Another aspect of this is to focus a lot more time on foreplay and getting to know each others bodies. Don’t be in such a hurry to have sex and orgasm. Focus on the journey, not the end result and allow your spouse the time to get “warmed up.”
Communicate with each other
We talk about this a lot, but communication can resolve almost any issue in marriage. If couples are dealing with sexual barriers in their relationship, these barriers will come down quick when they start communicating with each other.
For many years in our marriage, we did not discuss our sexual intimacy as we thought it would be very uncomfortable doing so and didn’t really realize how the lack of it was negatively impacting our relationship. When we had a “come to Jesus” moment in our marriage and started to talk openly about our sex life, it not only changed our sex life, but changed so many other aspects of our marriage.
It is vital to talk to each other about your sex life! The more you talk about it, the more comfortable it will become and your sexual intimacy will be enhanced.
Make it a priority to talk about sex often together as a couple, and also with your kids. The more you do it, the more comfortable it will become.
For great ways to communicate with your spouse about sex, check out the amazing Ultimate Intimacy App! It is Christian Friendly and will change your marriage! Best of all, it’s FREE to download.