As we discuss in our blog post “What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Sex”, many marriages struggle, or fall apart because of an inability to meet each other’s emotional or sexual needs. And let’s be real, There are very few marriages where both spouses have the same sex drives. This imbalance can cause conflict as sex is a very natural and important aspect to a good healthy relationship and connecting as a couple. More often than not it is the man with a higher sex drive in the relationship wanting to be intimate with his wife, but we do recognize this is not always the case as we have had many women reach out to us complaining that it is their husband that is the one who doesn’t want to have sex and they want to know what they can do. This article can be helpful and applied to either spouse (and couple) dealing with this in their relationship.
As we mention in the article “What Husbands Wish Their Wive’s Knew About Sex,” Sex is something that a husband needs to survive… just like breathing and eating.
A man needs sex like he needs food and air to survive. This may sound really crazy, and of course he will physically not die, but most men cannot and will not be happy in a relationship unless he is being physically intimate with his wife. Most guys are always thinking about being intimate with their wife and it is something always on their mind. Not because he is a sex addict or anything, but because he wants to connect with his spouse and being intimate which is most mens way to show and receive love.
Sex Is About Connection
Lets be honest, a lot of women think that a man just wants sex to fulfill “his” needs. While that may be true for some, the majority of men “want” and “need” to have sex as it is a way to connect with their spouse and feel closer to them physically and emotionally. SEX IS THE WAY A MAN FEELS LOVED. There are many more aspects to this which you can read about on the ultimate intimacy blog. To further drive this point, most men would do ANYTHING to please their wife in bed and make sure she feels fulfilled as well, and nothing makes them happier than having fulfilled their wife’s needs sexually. Men truly just want to connect with their spouse and because most men are “physical touch” when it comes to their love language, naturally that means physical intimacy is how they feel loved.
When women have the love language of physical touch, sex is a connection for them as well.
So… how to couples find a balance in their sex life to meet the needs of both partners (a win win)?
Be Open And Communicate Your Needs To Each Other
So many problems or issues in marriage arise because couples do not communicate. They “assume” they know why, or are scared to discuss it. Almost every issue can be resolved by open communication. I know this sounds too simple, but it really is that easy. Sit down with your spouse and have a good open conversation about what your needs are and why. Listen to each other because if both spouses truly love each other, they are going to want to do things for their spouse to make them happy.
Tell your spouse in great detail why you want to be more intimate with them, and why it is so important to you and your relationship. Be open and honest when you are expressing the reasons, and let them know exactly how you feel.
If one of the spouses are feeling like their needs are NOT being met, it is probably because the other spouse also feels like their needs are NOT being met. For example, if a man is craving sex and intimacy with his wife, but he is not doing things to connect emotionally with her or neglecting things that she needs in the relationship, she is going to be much less likely to want to be physically intimate with him. On the other side, if a man is talking to his wife, connecting with her emotionally, listening to her, helping around the house and doing everything he can to show her how much he loves and cares about her, she is going to want to reciprocate. Communicate with each other about what each of your needs are, and most importantly, listen to what the other person is saying.
- Find a compromise, meet half way, or even negotiate a deal with each other. This may sound silly, but it could be a win win for both of you and this is what marriage is about! God want a husband and wife to be “one” together. Lets say that your wife wants you to help around the house more often. You could say “sweetheart, I really want to be more intimate with you and connect with you on a deeper level and love you more than anything, and would like to fulfill your needs as well with helping around the house more. I would love to do _______ for you if you would be willing to do _________ for me. What do you think she is going to say? This is a win win as it satisfies both spouses needs.
A big part of communicating is “listening” to your spouse. Truly listen to your spouse and how they feel. Your focus on them and listening to what they have to say will show them that you truly care.
Many spouses in marriage are so focused on fulfilling “their” needs, they forget to fulfill the needs of their spouse. Whether done intentionally, or unintentionally, it has the same effect. As mentioned above, if one spouses sexual needs are not being met, it is probably because the other spouses needs are not being met (which don’t have to be sexual). No one enjoys being around someone who is only concerned about themselves. Start putting your spouse’s needs above your own, and you will see things drastically change in your marriage.
Check out other great articles we have by clicking on the links below:
Don’t forget to check out the ultimate intimacy app to strengthen your marriage inside and outside of the bedroom!