You can also listen to episode 121. For The Women Who Have A Hard Time Having An Orgasm.. Try These 6 Things
About 82% of women cannot orgasm from just penetration.
About 10% of women have never had an orgasm!
For women who have never experienced an orgasm, sex can become a chore, un enjoyable or even something they distance themselves from. They may feel guilt, shame or as if something is wrong or broken with them which in turn makes things even more difficult and just creates more pressure and anxiety, and less interested in sexual intimacy.
The good new is, nothing is wrong or broken with you and it doesn’t have to be that way. Virtually ALL women can learn to orgasm and enjoy sexual intimacy, if they can remove the barriers that are keeping them from having that amazing blissful experience.
Here are 6 steps to learn how to orgasm if you have never had one, or find it very difficult to have one.
Talk to your spouse about it
Let them know how you are feeling, and that you want to experience an orgasm and enjoy sexual intimacy together, and let them help you through this process. Most men want more than anything in the world to please their spouse sexually. This can be an amazing experience and even build deeper trust and intimacy in the relationship as you work together to learn more about yourself and the sexual intimacy in your relationship.
Take the pressure off of yourself
For many women who haven’t had an orgasm, there can be alot of stress, shame and disappointment when it comes to sex. For most women, they will turn away from sex and try to avoid it all together. This can create more distance and intimacy issues in the relationship. Sex does not require an orgasm, so rather than focusing on the end result, try to enjoy the process. Instead of trying to force it (the orgasm) to happen, just remove the stress and anxiety so you can begin to allow it to happen.
Remember that for a woman, her biggest sex organ is her brain. The barrier of not achieving an orgasm is probably not a physical barrier, but a mental barrier. Remove the mental barriers and pressure and they physical will be able to happen.
Focus on getting to know your own body and how it works
For many women, they are so worried about their spouse and taking care of their needs, they tend to forget about themselves. They need to think about their own needs and get to know their own body, how it works and what feels good to them.
For many women, they don’t know how their body works or where to even begin. This is where you have to get to know your body through physical touch, reading articles and other learning. For example, very few women can have an orgasm through normal intercourse, but most men and women don’t even know this. They go into marriage thinking that sex is just intercourse and it will be amazing for both of them, and when it’s not, it is a big let down.
For over 80% of women, the clitoris is the “key” to unlocking female pleasure. Do you know what the clitoris is? Where it is located? What the purpose of the clitoris is? For many women they don’t and it is a shame. This simple thing can change everything for them.
As Christians we are taught that it is not ok to touch yourself or masturbate alone, and while we do not believe in masturbation for the purpose of taking care of your self on your own, we do believe in getting to know your own body, how it works and what feels good to you with your husbands help. Talk to your spouse about this and let him help you explore and figure out what feels good to you!
Give yourself permission to have and experience pleasure because you deserve it and your marriage deserves it!
*The majority of women have their first orgasm through masturbation – This shows how important it is for women to get to know their body and how it works.
A great resource where you know you can feel safe is the Ultimate Intimacy App. There are hundreds of articles talking about the clitoris, female pleasure, anatomy, technique and so many other things.
Try using a vibrator or other sex toy, or even trying new things in the bedroom
Many women feel like using a vibrator or sex toy is wrong. If you and your spouse both feel comfortable with it and it enhances your relationship and brings you closer together, how could it be wrong?
The truth is, for many marriages a vibrator or other toy can be a life saver to their marriage. Why should both spouses not enjoy sexual intimacy together at it’s fullest? A vibrator or sex toy used together can bring a couple closer together and enhance the intimacy in their relationship. Here are some facts to consider:
More than 50% of women report using a vibrator.
The first vibrator was actually invented to treat anxiety and depression. So yes, using a vibrator can help you feel better in many ways.
Orgasm are more than just an orgasm. There are many physical and emotional health benefits from having an orgasm. It can even help with anxiety and depression as that is what it was originally used for.
Women who receive oral sex are 23% more likely to have an orgasm.
The truth is, oral sex works and the reason it does is because it’s not intercourse, and provides direct stimulation to the clitoris. Most men absolutely love stimulating their wife with oral sex, so allow him to do so.
More than 80% of women cannot experience orgasm through intercourse alone so it is vital to learn what works with your body and to try and experience new things.
So try using a vibrator, trying a different sex position and even experiencing oral sex to see what feels good and helps you achieve orgasm in your marriage.
Check out great options on vibrators and vibrating rings HERE. They all come shipped in discreet packaging. This has been a “game changer” in our marriage!
Use lubrication, or more of it
Insufficient lubrication impacts more than 25% of women and makes it much more difficult to have an orgasm. Lubricant and orgasms do go hand in hand. Find a lubricant that works for you and try it with vibrator as well.
It takes a woman significantly longer to get turned on than for a man. For many women and relationships, sexual intimacy is done before she can even get turned on. If you can’t get turned on, your are not going to experience an orgasm. Spend as much time as possible with foreplay. Let your husband explore your body and give him feedback as to what feels good to you. Focus more on the process and journey and less about the final destination.
Check out our great podcast 8. How to Create Better Foreplay and Physical Intimacy
Try these things and let us know how they work for you. You can also find fantastic resources in the Ultimate Intimacy App. Find out why over 500,000 couples have downloaded the app and give us a 4.8/5 star rating in the App Store!