17 Jan

You can also listen to podcast episode 123. For The Wives Who Aren’t Interested In Sexual Intimacy

Do these sound like familiar statements or thoughts?

“I feel like sex is such a chore”

“I hate when my spouse touches me”

“I feel broken and don’t want to have sex”

There are many reasons that can cause a woman not to want sexual intimacy such as:

  • Depression or anxiety
  • Past trauma
  • Pain or discomfort
  • Trust issues or unresolved conflict
  • Never had an orgasm
  • Just don’t want to have sex

We recognize there are serious reasons for a woman to not want to have sexual intimacy with her husband, but for the women who just don’t want to have sex, this article is for you because there are things you can to do to start enjoying sexual intimacy for the first time, or again.

Talk about it together as a couple

Before you can change something, you need to talk about it, understand it and figure out what is causing it. Talk to your spouse and work together as a couple to find a solution.

Change your mindset and attitude about sex

If you are constantly telling yourself how much you dislike sex, or don’t want to have sex you are ALWAYS going to look at sex negatively! Our perception of life, sex, or anything in life is all about our attitude and perception! You become what you think. Your attitude shapes how you look at everything including sex.

So much of what we experience and “how” we experience it is based upon our attitude and perception about it.

This isn’t going to happen overnight, but start telling yourself you want to at least try to enjoy sex and start looking at sex from a positive standpoint such as a way to connect with your spouse and express your love to them. 

Check out podcast episode 28. Shifting Your Attitude To Have A Better Sex Life with Keelie and Austin Reason

Find out what turns you on. Learn about your own body!

What times in your marriage did you feel turned on or in tune to your own sexuality? Find out what feels good to you. If you don’t know, read some articles or books to learn things you can try. Learn more about yourself and your body and let your spouse learn about you as well.

Try a vibrator or sex toy

We have heard from women that have never experienced an orgasm. For many women (and couples), they have never been taught about the clitoris, or how to get stimulated. Learn about your body and try new things together as a couple. 

Check out our great podcast titled 30. It’s All About The Clitoris! The Key To Unlocking Female Pleasure with Cindy Scharkey

Make the decision to be sexual

Just like anything else we do in life, the more we do it, the better we become at it. Also figure out how to get out of your own way so you can enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse. Research shows that the more people (including women) have sex, the more you will want to have sex because sexual active women have higher levels of testosterone and of course Oxytocin which is the “bonding hormone”.

Understand your sexual response style/How you respond to sex

Most men (about 75%) experience a spontaneous desire for sex, however only about 15% of women experience sexual desire this way. This means that for most women, they won’t get the desire to have sex until they are turned on and things are happening. Learn about how you respond and what your desire style is.

Focus on foreplay

Spend a lot of time on foreplay so you can “get in the mood” and enjoy the journey. Foreplay use to be the most important aspect of sexual intimacy, now people just tend to forget about it and think “if I am not in the mood, I am not going to have sex” THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF FOREPLAY IS TO GET IN THE MOOD

Talk about Amy and how she is a responsive desire. She has to get turned on before having the desire to have sex. 

We have heard a lot of women have experiences from wanting nothing to do with sex to becoming the high desire spouse in the relationship by changing their mindset and doing the things that we have suggested. You can literally go from “hate” to “great” sexual intimacy if you have the desire to.

Ultimate Intimacy

For other great resources, check out the AMAZING Ultimate Intimacy App! Find out why over 500,000 people have downloaded the app and give it a 4.8/5 star rating in the App Store!

The "Ultimate" Newsletter
Subscribe to our newsletter for weekly marriage tips, printables, and updates on the app and products!
Sign up for FREE:
*No spam, we promise.