Let’s just say what so many are afraid to:
Good spouses—those who show up with love, commitment, and consistency—don’t deserve to live in a marriage that lacks intimacy.
And by intimacy, we don’t just mean sex. We mean emotional closeness, affection, vulnerability, and the sacred physical connection that separates a marriage from every other relationship.
Check out this podcast episode titled: 375. Good Spouses Don’t Deserve To Be In A Non Intimate Marriage.
We hear from thousands of couples every month through our podcast, app, and community. So many are silently struggling with the same thing:
“I love my spouse. I show up every day. But I feel alone, untouched, unwanted. How long can I live like this?”
It’s heartbreaking, and it’s time we talk about it openly. Because intimacy isn’t optional in marriage—it’s foundational.
1. Intimacy Is a Core Part of Marriage, Not a Bonus
When two people marry, they aren’t just signing up to be roommates, co-parents, or financial partners. They’re choosing to become one flesh—emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The word “intimacy” comes from the Latin word intimus, meaning “innermost.” That’s what marriage is meant to be—a space where you are known and loved at your core.
So when intimacy is missing, marriage begins to lose what makes it marriage.
A 2023 study by the Institute for Family Studies found that married couples who reported frequent physical intimacy also reported the highest levels of satisfaction—not just with sex, but with communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection.
It’s not about being hypersexual. It’s about being mutually connected.
2. They Are Showing Up with Love and Commitment
A good spouse might be the one taking care of the kids, working hard to support the family, planning date nights, doing the dishes, and listening when you need to vent. They might be the one choosing love daily—even when life is stressful.
That kind of consistency should be met with care, not neglect. A spouse who gives that much deserves to receive love in return, emotionally and sexually.
“A strong marriage requires two people who choose each other, over and over, even when things are hard.” – Unknown
If one spouse is choosing connection, showing love, and trying to keep the spark alive—and the other consistently refuses affection, vulnerability, or touch—it’s not just disappointing, it’s damaging.
3. Withholding Intimacy Creates a Power Imbalance
Let’s be honest. When one spouse gives and gives, and the other withholds emotionally or sexually, a power imbalance starts to form.
This often happens slowly: one spouse avoids connection, sets conditions, or becomes emotionally unavailable, while the other walks on eggshells, afraid to ask for what they need. Over time, love starts to feel like control, not connection.
And sometimes, it’s not even intentional. The “withholding” spouse may be dealing with their own trauma, exhaustion, or unmet needs. But the result is the same—the other spouse feels rejected and powerless.
This dynamic can quietly destroy even the strongest couples. Resentment grows. Loneliness creeps in. And the relationship becomes transactional rather than transformative.
4. Intimacy Builds Trust, Connection, and Joy
Intimacy isn’t just about meeting a need—it’s about sharing joy, building trust, and creating memories together.
It’s holding hands while grocery shopping. It’s that inside joke only the two of you understand. It’s making love not because you “have to,” but because you want to—because it brings you closer.
At Ultimate Intimacy, we often say: “Emotional foreplay is the foundation of physical foreplay.”
When couples nurture both forms of intimacy—emotional and sexual—their relationship becomes a safe, exciting place to land. It’s where vulnerability and pleasure coexist.
And here’s the reality: good spouses want to feel wanted. Not tolerated. Not ignored. Wanted.
5. Their Needs Are Just as Valid
Let’s bust this myth once and for all:
Wanting sex, affection, and emotional connection is not selfish. It’s human.
Far too often, spouses who express their needs are met with guilt trips or are told they’re “just thinking about themselves.” But that’s not fair. Because in marriage, your needs should matter to your spouse—and theirs to you.
If a husband is helping with the kids, showing emotional presence, affirming his wife, and consistently making efforts to connect—should he be met with a cold shoulder or months of avoidance?
If a wife is communicating kindly, taking initiative, and emotionally investing in the marriage—should she feel like her emotional needs don’t count?
Of course not.
“Intimacy is not a luxury. It’s a priority. And every good spouse deserves to be loved back in the ways they give love.”
– Ultimate Intimacy
6. Long-Term Intimacy Avoidance Damages the Relationship
Here’s something we wish every couple understood:
Avoiding intimacy for too long doesn’t make the issue go away—it deepens the wound.
According to a 2022 report by the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 15-20% of marriages are sexless, defined as having sex less than 10 times a year. And many of these marriages are described by one or both spouses as “emotionally distant” or “disconnected.”
It doesn’t mean those marriages are doomed. But it does mean something needs to change.
When a good spouse feels consistently rejected, they often stay silent for a while—out of love, out of patience, out of hope that things will improve. But over time, silence becomes sadness. Sadness becomes distance. Distance becomes disconnection.
And that’s how marriages unravel—not because someone stopped loving, but because someone stopped trying.
7. Intimacy Isn’t Just Sex—It’s a Deep Form of Love
When a spouse says “I need more intimacy,” they’re not just talking about sex. They’re saying:
- I want to feel close to you.
- I want to laugh and share secrets again.
- I want to be seen as attractive and wanted.
- I want to feel like us again.
Sex is one way we express that. So is cuddling on the couch, having deep conversations, or sending a flirty text in the middle of the day. It all counts.
And when it’s missing, it hurts—because it’s not just about bodies. It’s about hearts longing for each other.
If you are looking for ways to spice up your sex life and make it much more enjoyable, you need to visit the Ultimate Intimacy Store which is a “Christian Friendly” store with tons of great products to enhance your intimacy in and out of the bedroom!
Final Thought from Ultimate Intimacy
Marriage is a covenant of love, connection, and devotion. And good spouses—those who show up, give generously, and love deeply—deserve more than a cold bed or silent nights.
They deserve passion. They deserve connection.
They deserve to be loved in return, emotionally and physically.
If your marriage is missing intimacy, we encourage you: have the hard conversation. Get curious, not defensive. Seek help. Rekindle your spark. You both deserve a marriage that feels alive.
Because when both spouses feel loved, pursued, and safe?
That’s when the magic of marriage truly begins.
Need Help Rebuilding Intimacy?
Download the Ultimate Intimacy App for conversation starters, intimacy games, foreplay ideas, and tools to bring emotional and sexual connection back to your marriage.
You don’t have to live like roommates. Reconnection starts today.
Ultimate Intimacy
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