Out of Sight but NOT Out of Mind!
Written by Elaine M. Romero, LMFT
Can you keep your sex life a priority and hot even while apart? Say you are traveling and will be apart from your spouse for a couple of weeks, a couple of days, or even a few hours. A few hours, you may wonder? Why does our sex life need to be a priority even while away for such a short time? All humans are sexual beings, and your sex life in marriage should always be a priority. Yep, every day. Even while apart. But here’s the thing, your sex life isn’t just about the final act. It’s about feeling desired and pursued by your mate on a regular basis. We are hard- wired for this, and it is vital to our marriage and our mental health. This includes holding hands, flirting, romantic or sexy gestures. These acts do not have to stop even while you are apart!
In fact, some couples cope with consistent distance.
There are 4 million couples in a commuter marriage in the US alone.
What the heck is a commuter marriage? Sociologists have defined commuter marriages as any marriage with consistent distance. Firefighters, military families, families in aviation, truckers, actors, musicians, couples with custody issues, and many more are considered commuter marriages. There are many types and many configurations of commuter marriages. Some have one home and some have two. It is temporary for some, and it is more long-term for others. These couples find fun, creative ways to stay connected and keep their sex life hot while away.
So how can all marriages keep their sex life a priority while distant? There are a few main components to keep in mind.
- Creativity: Be creative! Remember when apart to find fun ways of letting your mate know you desire them.
- Secure: Make sure your spouse feels comfortable. When connecting sexually at a distance, make sure whatever you engage in makes both you and your partner feel safe and secure. It’s ok to encourage each other to step out of your comfort zone a little, but respect your mate’s comfort level and beliefs.
- Safe– Not only do you want your mate to feel comfortable, make sure any communication made while apart is on a safe platform. One that is end- to end encrypted and doesn’t allow texts or pictures to be accessed by others. So what are some fun ways to keep sex hot in distance?
- Love letters– maybe drop a sexy or romantic letter in your partner’s suitcase or mail a letter so they feel pursued by you while away. If you don’t know how to write a sexy letter, maybe write the lyrics to a sexy song. Make sure to spritz on some of your perfume or cologne.
- Texts– these are a must while distant. Heck, you can knock your spouse’s socks off even while they are away for an hour while at the grocery store with a sexy text. Some shameless, sexy texts can be fun any time apart. Texts can be flirty, romantic, or playful. Make use of emoji’s and gifs while sending flirty texts.
- Selfies– having a good hair day or your outfit is on point? Send a selfie to your spouse! Wives, maybe send something a little more daring like a lacy bra- strap on your shoulder or a fun cleavage shot. Keep these in your comfort zone and if you use any nudity make
SURE this in sent on an app that is end-to-end encrypted such as the Ultimate Intimacy App. Never pressure your spouse!
- Phone sex– again keep this in your comfort zone. This can be a beautiful, natural evolution where you describe how you miss your spouse, then how you want them, and finally maybe describe what you would like to do with them. Make sure little ears can’t hear these conversations.
- Video- once again this needs to be safe and comfortable. Make sure you are also using a safe platform that is end- to end encrypted. Remember this does NOT need pornographic. Maybe just seeing each other’s face while talking about sex is a turn on to you and your spouse. Again, this can be a natural, beautiful evolution of expressing how you want each other.
- Secure and Sexy apps– Find a safe app that allows for some sexy fun while apart. The Ultimate Intimacy App has endless ideas for married couples. Sex positions you can look and explore, an intimate chat area that is safe and secure for some spicy texts or pictures, conversation starters about a variety of topics, a game that can be explored while together or apart, and they even have a place to make your own sexy bucket list!
©Elaine M. Romero, LMFT 2021 These are just some of many fun ideas from Elaine and Abe Romero, hosts of the Love Is In The Air podcast! Elaine and Abe are in a commuter marriage themselves and are passionate about supporting other commuter marriages or long distance relationships. Elaine is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and brings important research to the podcast while Abe brings lots of inappropriate jokes which are bound to make you laugh out loud.