15 Aug

Liked this article? Check out the Ultimate Intimacy podcast episode 82. “How Your Husband Really Feels When You Reject Him Sexually” HERE

According to MANY Divorce Attorneys, lack of intimacy is typically the  #2  reason of divorce. #1 is most often infidelity.. which can often be the result of #2 (lack of intimacy). Lack of sex/intimacy is one of THE main causes of divorce. There are so many couples that have deep love for each other and get along great, have fun times together and have everything a good and healthy relationship should have…but the lack of sex (or importance of sex) in their marriage eventually causes their marriage to fail.

This may sound harsh but the reality is that it happens all the time! How can lack of sex destroy a marriage if everything else is so good? This article will dive into why sex is so important to a man (and some women) and share what really happens to a man when they are rejected sexually.

How many of us have experienced this?

As a wife, you’ve had a long day of work, or running the kids around, shopping, taking care of the house and many other things. At the end of the day, all you want to do is climb into bed and get on your phone to check your instagram, Facebook or browse the internet, or just go to sleep. Your husband comes over and gives you a kiss and says “you look stunning.” YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

In your mind your thinking “I am worn out and have been taking care of everything today, the last thing I want to do is have sex, or take care of him.” This happens ALL the time and sometimes lasts for several days, or longer. Every night is just not the “right time.”

This is something most husband’s and wife’s can relate to. The husband wants sex, but his wife is not in the mood and rejects him hoping it will buy another day or two. This constant battle can cause big issues in marriage. Hopefully this article will provide some insight and clarify on why sex is so important to a husband.. and why he needs it for your marriage to survive. 


Women often think “my husband just wants to have sex” and so it’s easy to deny her husband his wants and not think a thing of it. But what if a man needs sex to survive.. just like he needs food, water and air to survive? Now this may sound extreme, and of course he will not “physically” die, but the relationship will eventually die. Statistics clearly show that.

A man will not be happy in a relationship unless he is having sexual intimacy with his wife just like a woman will not be happy if her husband is not fulfilling her emotional needs and talking to her.

Sex to a man is like a good conversation to a woman.

A man “needs” sex. It is the way he feels loved and appreciated. His self confidence and well being is tied to sex. Imagine what would happen or how would you feel if your husband didn’t talk to you or communicate with your for a few days, weeks or even a month. How would that make you feel about your relationship and about him? Would you think that he loves you?

“What your husband really wished you knew

Look at rejection from your husbands standpoint.

Let’s say you tell him you are too tired, or your not in the mood (while browsing your social media on your phone) or whatever the reason. It makes your husband feel that “he is so undesirable, you would rather get 15 minutes more sleep (or look at your phone) than to connect with him. It sends a message that you don’t care about him enough to take a few minutes of time to connect together. A man cannot understand that.

Now of course you probably don’t feel that way, but that is how he is going to take it from his standpoint. 


Sex is how a man feels loved, nothing else can replace that. A woman can tell a man all day long how much she loves him but if he is not getting sexual intimacy, the words mean nothing. When a man is not getting sexual intimacy, he does not feel desired or loved and it impacts every aspect of his life. 

For many men, touch (Sex) is their love language. Sex is how they feel loved. If they don’t have that, they will not feel loved.


A way to connect – When a husband comes home from a long stressful day of work or whatever it may be, and the first thing on his mind is sex. This is not because he is a sex addict, but he is just longing to be with his wife and connect with her. Husbands NEED to connect with their wive’s and sex is an amazing way to do so.

A stress reliever – Sex is an amazing stress reliever for a man.

Builds Confidence – Nothing builds a man’s confidence more than being intimate with his wife and taking care of her needs sexually. A man can be feeling very down, lonely and frustrated but sex can turn his life around and give him a boost of confidence like you couldn’t imagine. Want to see a confident husband? Make love to him often and he will be a changed man.


Men take rejection very hard and personal, and sometimes feel they are having to beg their wive’s for sex, so when they get rejected, it is a huge blow to their self confidence as they feel like it is something personal or wrong with them. They also feel like their wife doesn’t love them if they don’t want to be intimate.

  • Men have a way to make sexual rejection feel like a personal rejection which causes more issues. That doesn’t mean that a wife has to give into sex whenever their husbands want it, but be mindful of “how” you tell hour husband your are not wanting to be intimate or why you are not in the mood instead of just telling him no.
  • One way a wife could tell her husband she is not in the mood is “not tonight” but tomorrow morning (or give him another time). Wive’s…. you will be the most amazing person in the world in your husbands eyes and show him that you care even if you don’t want to make love to him at that time.


Something that could be very beneficial for both spouses could be to schedule sex. This takes away all forms of rejection and both the husband and wife know when they are going to make love. The wife doesn’t have to reject the husband and the husband won’t keep bothering his wife. Here are some of the benefits for scheduling sex:


When couples schedule sex, it builds anticipation for both of them. It also allows them to get in the proper frame of mind and physically prepared for sex. This can also create an opportunity for great foreplay throughout the day and the anticipation builds up. Many people actually find scheduling sex makes sex much more enjoyable because of the anticipation and buildup to it.


Couples who have “scheduled sex” often get in the right mind frame as they complete all of their to do’s prior to sex so they can be ready and in the right mind frame to be “all there” with each other when it’s time for love making. We all know how important it is to be in the right mind frame for making love to your spouse.


Because there is almost always a “high desire” and “low desire” spouse in marriage, when sex is “on the calendar” the higher desire spouse doesn’t have to worry about the “when are we going to have sex again?” and the lower desire spouse doesn’t have to feel bad for constantly rejecting the higher desire spouse because it’s “on the calendar.”

Scheduling sex has a ton of benefits and make sexual intimacy much more enjoyable. Many people are “schedulers” and don’t like to be spontaneous. Many women have expressed that scheduling sex helps take away the anxiety, and gets them better prepared for it.

We did an instagram poll for husbands and asked the following questions:

  • Does making love help you feel less stressed and more confident? 96% said making love to their spouse makes them feel less stressed and more confident which clearly ties a man’s “well being” to sexual intimacy.
  • What are the reasons you crave sexual intimacy with your wife? They answered that they wanted to feel loved, and feel a connection with their spouse.
  • How do you feel when you are rejected constantly? Answers included, depressed, upset, sad, frustrated, unloved, less confident, worthless, used and so many other negative feelings.
  • Does sex play an important role in your happiness in your marriage? 95% said yes!

The results from the poll from REAL husbands further show how sex to a man is not just about sex. In fact, every answer/response from our poll was about feeling connected to their spouse, or loved by their spouse, and they wanted to please their spouse. It was all about CONNECTION, and FEELING LOVED!

Some other great articles you will probably love all about husbands!

“What your husband wished you knew”

“6 things your husband needs from you”

“What husbands wished their wives knew about Sex”

“Men don’t share the way they feel.. here is why”

“10 mistakes men make in marriage”

If you are looking for some great resources and ways to spice up your marriage and communication and intimacy, check out the Ultimate Intimacy App! It is free to download and will change your marriage. Just click on the picture below to learn more and download for free today!

Posted by Ultimate Intimacy

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