Check out our great podcast episode on this subject “How Men Can Build Sexual Confidence”
First off, let’s define what sexual confidence is. Sexual confidence is simply how confident you are in sexual situations. This of course can change based upon circumstances, health issues, stress, and so many other things going on in a man’s life. There are so many things that can contribute to hurting a man’s sexual confidence, but today we are going to discuss the top 4 most common things that effect men’s sexual confidence.
REJECTION/OR FEAR OF BEING REJECTED
Nothing can kill a guys sexual confidence faster than being rejected. Now we are not talking about being rejected occasionally, but being rejected often. The fact is, most men take this personally and begin to think something is wrong with them and of course, this then hurt’s their self confidence sexually, and mentally. When a man is constantly rejected, they then stop trying to initiate sex for the fear of being rejected again and this just leads down a path that continues to make things worse. We have talked about this in past articles and podcasts episodes as to what rejection does to a man, and how sex is something a man literally needs to survive.
Another great article is “How Can I Get My Wife To Understand How Important Sex Is To Me?”
BODY ISSUES
Men have body issues as well and are concerned about how they look (or they should be). When Amy and I were in our earlier years of marriage, I gained a lot of weight and went from a stick figure to pretty overweight. I gained over 40 pounds which for my body frame was a lot! I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, what happened to me and felt disgusted with how I looked. I remember thinking if I am not happy about what I think of myself, what does Amy think or how is she looking at me. This made me loose my sexual confidence as I didn’t think she would find me attractive when seeing me naked, being intimate etc. I will get back to this later in the article.
SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION
Sexual dysfunctions could include erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or other things that could cause a man not to want sexual intimacy or lack sexual confidence.
WORRIED ABOUT NOT SEXUALLY SATISFYING YOUR SPOUSE
Will I last long enough?
Will I satisfy her?
Does she enjoy be sexually?
Am I doing the things she likes?
So now that we have identified the most common things that impact a man’s sexual confidence, lets dive into what can be done to address each of these issues.
REJECTION/FEAR OF BEING REJECTED
As sex takes two people, it is vital to communicate with your wife about how rejection makes you feel. You can help her understand why sex is so important, how you feel when you are rejected and also better understand why she is rejecting you. We talk about communication all the time and how ofter we assume things that usually turn out to not be true. Sex is one of the hardest things to discuss as a couple but it is so important to have this conversation so you can better understand each other and how each other are feeling, and also hopefully resolve the issue so you can connect and draw closer together. Now I know a lot of you are thinking how hard it is going to be to have this conversation for the fear of being rejected, but you have to be vulnerable and have this conversation with her.
BODY ISSUES
For a lot of people, the good news is you can usually address or fix this. There are things you can do to take better care of yourself such as go on a diet, exercise more or change the things you dont like. I shared my example above about my experience. When I was feeling that way, I decided I was going to loose weight no matter what it took. I started eating better, and jogging several miles per day. At first, it was brutal as I had to get my body in shape but I remember loosing 16 pounds the first month, and about the same the second month and within a couple months, I was back to my weight close to when we got married. Not only did I feel AMAZING and confident about my body and sexual confidence, but mentally I was in a much better place as well. My point is for most people, this is something that there is a solution for. Now I just need to figure out how to grow more hair since I am balding…
SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION
There are many things that can cause sexual dysfunctions such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or other things. The good news is these things in most cases can be addressed and fixed with the proper help. You need to identify whether your dysfunction is mental caused by stress or fear, or a physical problem. In either cases, sometimes you just need a little bit of help which there are a lot of great options out there.
Also it is important to remember that you dont have to have an erection to connect physically. There are many things you can do for your wife!
Here is a great article from our affiliate Emily Jamea “HOW TO COPE WITH YOUR PARTNER’S SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION”
WORRIED ABOUT NOT SEXUALLY SATISFYING YOUR SPOUSE
As men, there are few things more satisfying and that can build our sexual confidence than satisfying your spouse sexually. For most men, taking care of their wife sexually is more satisfying than even having their own sexual needs taken care of.
When Amy and I first got married. I didn’t know ANYTHING about sex and what she liked/or didn’t like. I just thought if it was good for me, it would be good for her. As many of you know, about year 15 into our marriage, she approached me with a bedroom game and told me she needed more. That quickly shot down my sexual confidence as I thought I had been a stud! Well the bedroom game was a game changer for both of us and the reason we developed the Ultimate Intimacy App. While we developed the app, we had to do a TON of research, articles and to say I learned a lot (and continue to learn a lot) is an understatement! Our intimacy and marriage has got so much better and a good part of it was because of our communication, and learning about what each other like. So if you are worried about not satisfying your spouse sexually, here are some things you can do:
1. LEARN
There are so many great articles and resources to study and learn about the female body, how it works, where your wife wants to be touched, how her body responds etc etc. BECOME EDUCATED and get to know her! There are hundreds of great resources and articles on the Ultimate Intimacy App that are from some of the top sex experts covering everything you could ever want to know such as anatomy, technique, foreplay, and emotional and sexual intimacy. You can check out the app HERE
2. COMMUNICATE
As we have discussed, communicate with your wife. Ask her what she likes and dislikes in the bedroom and what you can do to make your sexual intimacy more meaningful and enjoyable. This may be weird or uncomfortable to discuss, but once you do it it will open up the doors and you will wonder why you didn’t do it along time ago!
3. SLOW THINGS DOWN
As men, we often go way too fast and its over before we know it. Remember that it takes a woman a lot longer to get aroused than us men. Take things slow and get to know her body. Give her a massage, focus on foreplay and drag things out. This will drive her crazy and make it much more enjoyable for her. FOCUS ON THE JOURNEY, NOT THE END RESULT. As you turn her on more, she will have a much more sexually enjoyable experience and so will you!
4. FOCUS ON HER, NOT YOU
Stop focusing on your needs and focus on your wife’s. This will also take all the pressure off of you. Take as long as you need but focus on her needs and your needs will be taken care of as well. As mentioned, for most men there is nothing more fulfilling and satisfying (and will boost your sexual confidence quicker) thank pleasing your wife in the bedroom.
If you are looking for ways to learn more about your wife and experience amazing emotional and sexual intimacy, then check out the ULTIMATE INTIMACY APP! It has over 350,000 downloads already with a 4.8/5 star rating. Did we mention it was FREE to download? Just click on the picture below to download for free today!!
