02 Dec

Every couple deals with conflict in their marriage regardless of how good the marriage is. Conflict is just something that happens to everyone, so it is not if you have conflict or not, but how you deal with it.

A lot of couples don’t like to address conflict in their marriage so they just ignore the conflict and pretend it didn’t happen, or just keep pushing it off. Doing this can cause significant harm and will most likely end in divorce for a lot of couples.

It is vital for couples to discuss conflict in their relationship and if done the right way, can actually be a very positive thing that can bring you closer together as a couple. Here are 8 strategies you can do to help with conflict in your marriage.

Find a good time and place to talk

It is important to discuss and solve problems when you are not distracted, stressed out or tired, so finding a good place (and time) to discuss is very important so you don’t get interrupted or have distractions. Also find a place that is neutral, meaning a place where both of you feel comfortable.

Listen to each other

It is one thing to talk, but more important to truly listen to what each other are saying. Face each other and make eye contact. This shows and communicates to each other that you are both engaged and listening. This also helps you feel more connected as you talk about things.

Establish some ground rules for arguing

It is so easy when arguing to interrupt each other and get defensive and actually make things worse. Establish some rules such as:

  1. You will not interrupt each other and will not speak while the other person is speaking.
  2. Set a time limit for each of you to speak or establish some rules as to how you are going to work through the conflict.
  3. You are not going walk out of the room until the conversation is over

Establishing some ground rules that you both agree to can really help move through the conflict without making things worse.

Stick to the problem at hand and don’t allow the conversation to move into other issues

Agree that you are only going to discuss the problem at hand and don’t allow the conversation to drift into past experiences or other things that can cause more conflict. Focus on resolving the current conflict.

Remember you are a team

One of the biggest things that happens during conflict as a couple is pointing fingers, or blaming others. It is amazing how many couples get to the divorce attorney and can’t even remember what caused them to get to that point.

Remember that you are on the same team with a common goal which is trying to resolve an issue together. If you can look at it this way, you will work together to resolve whatever the issue may be.

When you work as a team together you will stop pointing fingers or blaming each other for the conflict and try to resolve the conflict together.

Identify the real issue

So many conflicts arise from something that is much deeper that has built up over time. Be open and honest with each other about what the real issue is. If you can identify and resolve the real deeper issue, you probably aren’t going to have a lot of the other less important conflicts or issues.

Be very careful about what you say

Remember when you are arguing how important it is to really be careful about what you say to your spouse. Once you say something (even out of frustration), you can NEVER take it back and many times people say things they regret that they can NEVER take back which can cause long term and even permanent damage to the marriage.

Admit your mistakes

Be quick to admit when you have made mistakes and forgive when mistakes are made. Move on from the conflict as quickly as possible.

If you implement these things in your marriage when a conflict arises, you will be able to move past the conflict quickly without any harmful effects, and have a lot less conflicts in your marriage.

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