Last week we spent time unpacking how to express love in the way our spouse needs it. We shared ideas to speak your spouse’s love language when it doesn’t come naturally. This week we want to tackle how to reclaim love’s euphoria long after the chemicals of connection dissipate. Here are 10 ways to reclaim love’s euphoria long after the chemicals of the first connection dissipate.
10 Ways to Reclaim Loves Euphoria,
Long After the Chemicals of First Attraction Dissipate
Remember the elation you felt when you first dated? How you couldn’t wait to spend time together, you looked forward to talking, and literally felt like you were racing on a roller coaster hill with hands lifted high?
Couples love reminiscing first-time feelings and nostalgic memories. So, the question arises … Can we keep those feelings of excitement alive or at least reclaim moments of elation?
Recently we read about the phenomenon that occurs when we first meet our mate. The articles describe how a bonding hormone, called vasopressin, also known as the monogamy chemical, releases in the brain at the end of a couple’s attraction phase. “This bonding hormone is actually responsible for transforming our sexual attraction for our mate into a mature, committed, and authentic relationship — and is responsible for facilitating a strong emotional attachment by encouraging behaviors that produce a long-term, monogamous relationship. With it, this love hormone brings a feeling of calmness, security, comfort, emotional union, and the desire to protect one another.” [i]
The truth is … we may never FULLY reclaim all our feelings of euphoria … but we can nurture something far more intimate. When we diligently mature and grow together, we get to experience and enjoy a depth of friendship, companionship, and warmth that euphoria can’t hold a candle to. And, as we foster an unbreakable bond of trust and commitment, we occasionally feel the brush of butterfly-like feelings.
Of course, the tingle in our tummy and the twinkle in our eye won’t just happen … after all, the only stuff that happens in life can’t be recorded in a Christian blog (my shameless attempt to be funny … *[email protected]# happens … c’mon on please laugh … LOL).
Instead, EVERYTHING else, EVERYTHING that is good, EVERYTHING worthwhile requires intentionality. So, how can we intentionally foster an atmosphere that welcomes love’s first blush?
1. First, show affection to your spouse. Brush against them. Stroke their arm. Take time to flirt—Batt your eyes. Giggle and wiggle … Yup, when’s the last time you shook your booty a bit at your spouse. Ask permission to kiss them. Why not? Show a little chivalry. And. DON’T give up intimacy. Studies show physical affection makes couples feel more connected. According to psychologist and researcher Matt Hertenstein, “Being affectionate produces oxytocin in your brain. Oxytocin is a neuropeptide, which basically promotes feelings of devotion, trust, and bonding.” [ii]
2. Be attentive to your mate. Sure, you’ve heard their stories a hundred times … but … pretend you haven’t. Indulge their ego. 🙂
3. Share your appreciation … for everything. Try saying, “Thank you for taking me to dinner.” Or, “Wow … I had such a good time. Thanks for spending the evening with me.”
4. Explore and do new things together. Do something out of the box—a new activity. Go to a carnival and eat some cotton candy or funnel cakes. Continuing to explore side by side and share new thrills actually builds your excitement and releases the chemicals often associated with those desirable euphoric emotions. Your willingness to try new adventures creates a spark that the humdrum lifestyle neglects.
5. Laugh a lot. Find humor in situations and circumstances together. Don’t take life too seriously.
6. Purposely DISCOVER YOUR SPOUSE. Search to find what you share in common. Notice afresh what you find irresistible about them. Creep on them. Study their moves.
7. Anticipate a GOOD time.
8. Look for ways to impress them. Think of thoughtful ways you can excite them. Dress to impress. Get dolled up.
9. Use your Words. Express your excitement to see them. Think of conversational questions to discover what they love or what they think … avoid anything controversial. Take time to talk about real things that inspire them-what they believe or how they feel. What do they dream about, or where do they long to visit? Remember, be curious. You’re probably well past favorite foods and colors, or favorite hobbies and past times … so …. Make it a game to discover something new about them.
10. Prioritize and treat your partner with kindness. As we shared last week, research shows that our actions of love actually foster our feelings of love.
For more resources, visit marriedforapurpose.com. This article was reposted and used with permission.
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