14 May

We get asked this questions all the time! However there is no blanket answer as every couple is different, but in this article, we will share with you what we have done in our marriage to determine what is ok and not ok in the marriage bed.

Every couple has different backgrounds and experiences, upbringings, and perspectives on things, making it difficult to answer the question “what is ok and not ok in the bedroom?” Nevertheless, there are certain things that can destroy sexual intimacy if implemented in marriage. Couples need to be honest with themselves and determine if an act brings them closer together as a couple and strengthens their relationship or divides them. This article will explore some of the commonly debated topics regarding sexual intimacy in marriages.

When it comes to determining what is ok and not ok in the bedroom, we like to ask the question “Does it bring us closer together as a couple and strengthen our relationship?” If the answer is yes, then we feel it is ok. Now you have to be honest and realistic as a couple about what brings you closer together and what is healthy for your marriage long term. AND NO, PORN DOES NOT BRING YOU CLOSER TOGETHER AS A COUPLE!

We understand every couple is different and has different comfort levels and beliefs so it is vital to to find out what works best for you in your relationship by asking the question “Does it bring us closer together as a couple?”

You may also like podcast episode 81. What Is Ok, And Not Ok In The Marriage Bed: This One Question Will Give You The Answer

Vibrators and Intimacy Aids (Sex Toys)

Many women find it extremely difficult to experience an orgasm through normal intercourse. A vibrator can help women unlock their pleasure spot and experience amazing orgasms. There is no harm in using sex toys to enhance sexual intimacy as long as both spouses are comfortable with it and they are being used together to enhance your sexual intimacy.

Trying New Things in the Bedroom (Sex Games, Positions, Etc.)

There is nothing wrong with trying new things in the bedroom to spice things up, as long as both spouses are comfortable with it. However, it is crucial to remember that the goal is to connect and create a deeper relationship and love for each other that will last forever.


We believe pornography under NO circumstances should be allowed in the marriage bedroom. Porn is bringing a “3rd party” into the bedroom. Marriage is between one man and one woman. When porn is involved, porn is a third party that is brought into your bedroom and relationship and can and will divide your marriage. The impacts of porn can easily be just as destructive as having a physical affair.

Pornography creates the exact same feelings and emotional and physical effects as physical adultery. It’s wrong and should not be accepted. Pornograhy creates very unrealistic expectations! it is all a fantasy and is NOT real. Therefore when you bring porn into your relationship, your are bringing unrealistic expectations that can never be met by your spouse because they are NOT real! Because porn is a fantasy and not realistic in a marriage, Porn fosters and brings dissatisfaction into the relationship, and can only bring long term disappointment and the needs can never be met. Porn really misses the whole point of sex as it ONLY focuses on the physical act of sex and fulfilling the physical lusts. The emotional, spiritual and intellectual parts of sex are completely dismissed and absent from porn sex.marriage and should be avoided at all costs.

If you are struggling with pornography, seek to get the help that you need.

Oral Sex

There are tons of different views and opinions about oral sex. Again, ask yourself, does it bring you closer together as a couple and strengthen your relationship? Oral sex can be an amazing experience and great foreplay. It can also easily stimulate the clitoris when penetration or other things cannot do so. A lot of men ABSOLUTELY love giving their wive’s oral sex (and vice versa). Maybe it’s because it is ALL about focusing all their attention on pleasing their spouse and forgetting about themselves. It is a very unselfish act. Oral sex requires both spouses to openly communicate and feel comfortable. If they can do that, it can become an amazing experience.

For great techniques presented in a clean, non graphic way, check out the Ultimate Intimacy App!


While there are differing opinions on masturbation, if it is done in secrecy and not together, it can lead to a lack of intimacy in the relationship. Couples should discuss this and it should be something they do together in their love making and not in secrecy.

Romance Novels

This is a way for many women to fulfill their fantasies or needs that their husband may not be providing such as the romance, love, and excitement. It takes them out of their marriage into another experience to fulfill the needs that are vacant in their relationship. This is just like watching a movie. Is it bad to watch a move that has some kissing or things that get you in the mood to make love to your spouse? No. However, just like a movie that can be pornographic in nature and put thoughts or fantasies into your head that are not about your spouse, so can a romance novel.

Again, the question is: Is this bringing you closer together as a couple? If it is causing you to fantasize about someone else, or other things and arousing you on your own, and not together as a couple, then it’s not ok as you are not strengthening your relationship together as a couple. Be careful about what you read and put into your mind.

Role Playing

Roll playing is about BEING SOMEONE ELSE AND ACTING OUT YOUR DESIRES WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Do you have to dress up and act things out (or imagine your spouse as someone else) to turn you on? Or are you focusing on each other (instead of fantasizing about someone else in order to be aroused) and it brings you closer together? We are not big fans of role playing as you are pretending to be someone else to turn each other on, but again, that is for you to decide for your relationship.

Sensual Talk

Talking sensually to each other can be a great way to arouse one’s spouse. As long as both spouses are comfortable with it, sensual talk can enhance sexual intimacy in a marriage. Be respectful in your language and the way you are talking to each other. Make sure you are both on board.

In conclusion, every couple has different boundaries and comfort levels when it comes to sexual intimacy in marriage. Couples should be honest with themselves and each other about what is ok and not ok in their bedroom. The goal is to connect and create a deeper relationship and love for each other that will last forever. Ask yourself the question: “Does it bring us closer together as a couple?”

Ultimate Intimacy

What is ok is the Ultimate Intimacy App! It was designed to help couples enjoy sexual intimacy to the fullest extent in a clean and respectful way! The app has been downloaded by over 600,000 couples that are looking to spice up their marriage without the worries of seeing any porn or other graphic material. The Ultimate Intimacy App is clean, non graphic and a safe place for couples to get the information they need and have some fun in the bedroom 🙂

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