Marriage is one of life’s greatest blessings, but it’s no secret that it requires hard work and intentionality. For us, Amy and Nick, we found ourselves at one of the lowest points in our relationship. We felt disconnected, misunderstood, and unsure of how to move forward. But we didn’t give up. Instead, we chose to rebuild.
Through commitment, effort, and love, we found our way back to each other. Here are the steps we personally took to rebuild our marriage, and we hope they inspire you on your journey.
You can hear more about your story and how we rebuilt our marriage to have the intimacy, connection and relationship we both wanted.
Rebuilding your marriage… what does that mean? About half way through our marriage, our marriage was broken and at rock bottom. We decided that our marriage wasn’t working and we weren’t going to last that way as we weren’t happy, nor was our marriage what we wanted it to be, and so we rebuilt our marriage to the marriage we wanted to have instead of staying with the current marriage we had.
In this episode, we share the things that we did in our relationship that helped us rebuild our marriage to something wonderful! It took a lot of work, time and effort, but it was absolutely worth it! If you are feeling like your marriage, or certain aspects of your marriage could be “rebuilt” to be better, then this episode is for you. We share the tools and things we did and hope they can help you as well.
Here are the things we did in our relationship that really helped us rebuild our marriage!
1. Commitment
The first step was making the decision to stay committed to each other, no matter what. We had to stop seeing divorce as an option and instead focus on rebuilding what we’d lost. Commitment meant being all in, even when it was hard. We reminded ourselves of the vows we made and chose to fight for our marriage.
What you can do: Reaffirm your commitment to your spouse. Say it out loud. Write it in a letter. Make it clear to yourself and your spouse that you’re dedicated to working through the tough times.
2. Remove Any Obstacles
We took an honest look at what was standing in the way of our connection. For us, it was outside influences and addictive behaviors to work. We also had unresolved resentments, and even friendships that weren’t healthy for our marriage. By removing these obstacles, we created space for healing and growth.
We decided to remove all toxic people and things from our life that were causing the issues. When we did that, it was amazing how quickly things started changing in a positive way.
What you can do: Identify the barriers in your marriage. These could be toxic habits, outside influences, or unresolved conflicts. Work together to eliminate them.
3. Talk About Your Ideal Marriage
We sat down and talked openly about what we each wanted our marriage to look like. This wasn’t about placing blame but about dreaming together. We set goals and created boundaries to protect our relationship.
What you can do: Have an honest conversation with your spouse. Ask questions like, “What does a great marriage look like to you?” and “How can we work together to achieve that?” Then, set practical goals and boundaries.
4. Change Yourself, Not Your Spouse
It’s tempting to focus on what your spouse needs to change, but we realized that the only person we could truly control was ourselves. By working on our own attitudes, habits, and reactions, we became better spouses to each other.
What you can do: Reflect on how you can improve. Do you need to listen more? Show more patience? Be more affectionate? Focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
5. Focus on Your Emotional Needs
Emotional connection is the foundation of a strong marriage. We took time to learn about each other’s emotional needs and made an effort to meet them. This included small but meaningful actions like showing gratitude, expressing love, and being present for each other.
What you can do: Identify your emotional needs and share them with your spouse. Ask your spouse about their needs, too, and look for ways to meet them daily.
6. Create a Friendship First
Before we could rebuild romance, we needed to rebuild our friendship. We started spending time together just enjoying each other’s company, laughing, and rediscovering what made us fall in love in the first place.
What you can do: Focus on building a strong friendship with your spouse. Spend time together doing things you both enjoy, and prioritize fun and laughter.
7. Get Help from Someone You Trust
We sought help from someone we trusted, and it made all the difference. Whether it was a counselor, a mentor couple, or a pastor, having an outside perspective helped us see things more clearly and gave us tools to move forward.
What you can do: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Find someone who supports your marriage and can provide wise counsel and encouragement.
8. Start Pursuing Your Spouse Again
We realized that we’d stopped pursuing each other in the busyness of life. So, we made an intentional effort to bring back date nights, surprise each other with little acts of love, and show interest in each other’s hobbies. The bigger change we made was weekly date nights, and nothing was going to get in the way to if.
How “Date Night” Changed Our Marriage.
What you can do: Plan a date night, leave a sweet note, or join your spouse in an activity they love. These small efforts can reignite the spark in your relationship.
Final Thoughts
Rebuilding a marriage isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. For us, it was about taking intentional steps, leaning into each other, and believing that our best days were ahead of us. If you’re struggling in your marriage, know that you’re not alone. With commitment, effort, and love, you can rebuild and create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of.
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