We have all been there. It’s been a long tiring day and you’re just not even thinking about sex. It is the last thing on your mind. Your spouse is begging you to be intimate and still, you’re just not there. You want to connect with your spouse, you want to have the desire but for some reason there are so many other things you are thinking about. So how can you shift your mind and get in the mood?
Here are some tips for getting your mind and body in the mood to make love.
Foreplay begins in the morning.
If you are the higher drive spouse, and you are wondering why your spouse isn’t always craving sex, there are lots of reasons. Stress, insecurities, they might be more responsive desire vs. spontaneous desire. Maybe they have a health issue or anxiety. Whatever it is, you can be supportive and help them.
First off, It is important to remember that foreplay starts in the morning. It is all the little things you do all day long that sets the mood. It is the romantic texts you send, the goodbye hug, the “i love you” when you leave, or the quick phone call during the day just to say hi. It is helping around the house, or the long talk about how their day was. It’s giving your spouse a good massage and letting them know you desire them with or without sex. Foreplay is anything that helps your spouse mentally get in the mood, or physically.
When we talk about physical foreplay, it is important to remember that women need more time. Men are like microwaves and women are like slow cookers. Do not rush foreplay as foreplay can be the best part. The build up is what can make an orgasm so good.
Make sure to communicate during foreplay so your spouse knows exactly what you like and how you like to be touched. Make sure to listen to your body and tell your spouse to spend time on things that are feeling extra good to you. If your spouse really wants to know you intimately, they will be willing to help you achieve the arousal that you need.
If you need some great foreplay techniques, download the ultimate intimacy app for free and check out all the techniques in the resource section.
You might like the article: “25 ways to please your wife in and out of the bedroom”
You don’t have to be in the mood yet to jump right in.
It is ok to jump right into it and trick your body into wanting sex. It takes time, but just getting started is key. Try all the things that you know your body likes. Make sure to tell you spouse to touch those areas lots and make sure to focus on your body with your mind. Even if your mind isn’t in the mood to begin with, you can change your mind shift when you focus on other things like what is feeling good physically.
It might even help to concentrate on your spouse and help them to feel good. Sometimes when we shift our focus on our spouse rather than ourselves, it can help get us in the mood. Certain sexual things we do for our spouse can quickly turn us on also. Try it.
Use your senses.
Sometimes you just to concentrate on your senses. If you are a visual person, try looking in a mirror at each other naked. Touch each other and concentrate on each others bodies.
If smells really turn you on, try using a certain scent each time you are about to make love. You can actually train your brain to smell a scent and trigger a reaction in your body.
Try using a blindfold and let your spouse run their hands all over your body. Start with a sensual massage for foreplay. If you are having a hard time concentrating with your spouse looking at you, a blindfold might be a good way to block out distractions and concentrate on what is feeling good.
Lubricant can be a huge help to get in the mood.
There are so many reasons why lubricant can be key to getting in the mood for both women and men. Amanda Louder states: “A 2013 study of 2,451 women aged between 18-68 found that overall, women felt positive about lubricants, preferring sex to feel more wet than not. 9 out of 10 women felt that sex was more comfortable, pleasurable and simply better when using lubrication. It can also make sex feel pleasurable for men too. Having a well-lubricated penis not only enhances pleasure but it can also make sexual intercourse last longer.”
Here is a great article about lubricant if you want to learn more about all the different types of lube and why it is important.
What you wear can get you in the mood.
Have you put on some lingerie lately? Or men, is there something that makes you feel super sexy? Clothes can make a big impact on how we feel about ourselves and a confidence booster is always good before sex. Pick that article of clothing that makes you feel good and you know your spouse loves. Start the foreplay with clothes on and slowly lose each layer piece by piece.
Try a bedroom game.
There are so many fun games out there that can help get you in the mood to make love. Whether it is a physical issue you are having or emotional, bedroom games can be a great way to get talking and getting intimate emotionally, as well as give you ideas to get intimate physically.
We suggest the Ultimate intimacy app because it does have a intimate game that starts with romance and foreplay, but also has a couple conversation games that will get you communicating about all sorts of fun and romantic topics that can spark some real emotional intimacy as well. If you are struggling in the physical department, there are some great resources from professionals about the anatomy and techniques to try, as well as ideas and positions to try that are non-graphic.
The app contains conversation starters for emotional foreplay, as well as a truth or dare game to get the juices flowing 😉 It is a free download in the app stores and has helped hundreds of thousands of couples already!
Know that your sex drives are probably different and that’s ok and normal.
Men are women are wired completely different. It is normal and healthy. As Laura Brotherson states: “As individuals we all desire to grow and reach our full potential. Marriage is one of those ways that requires us to constantly grow and stretch. Men and women are different and complement each other in many ways. One gender is not more superior than the other, in fact, the happiest marriages are those in which spouses treat each other as equal partners. Sex is not just for men, or not just for women. It’s for both to enjoy equally and for mutual oneness and pleasure.”
You might like this article “Understanding the differences in sexual wiring”