You can also listen to the podcast episode 115. For The High Desire Wife.. And The Low Desire Husband
We have all heard women who talk about how their husbands want sex all the time, but how often do we hear from women who’s husbands don’t have any interest in having sexual intimacy?
We have been very surprised over the past several years of the amount of women that have reached out to us asking what they can do when their husband has the low sex drive, or doesn’t even want to have sexual intimacy.
There are many reasons that a man would show reduced, or little interest in sexual intimacy and we will cover those reasons in this article.
If there is any conflict or relationship issues in your marriage that are “unresolved” this absolutely can cause problems in the bedroom. I know a couple who many years ago had a big conflict in their marriage. After the conflict, the wife stated that her husband didn’t want to have sexual intimacy with her anymore, and she just attributed it to health issues (low libido).
Many years went by and this couple ended up getting divorced. All those years the wife thought it was a health issue only to find out the lack of (or no) sexual intimacy or desire from her husband was because he was angry with her from the conflict that happened many years ago. It is very sad this couple never got the conflict resolved. They were in basically a “sexless marriage” which ultimately ended in divorce all because of unresolved conflict.
Stress or Anxiety
If your husband is dealing with increased demands in his job, or stress in other areas of his life, this can have a significant negative impact on his desire to have sex. Typically stress or anxiety is a temporary thing, if it is related to issues that are not health related. It is important to discuss it and identify if it is a temporary issue or something that needs to be address in other ways.
Health issues can have a serious impact on sexual desire and performance for a man. Some of the health issues could include:
- Heart disease
- Low testosterone
- Prostate issues
- Smoking, alcohol and drugs
If it is a health issue, you should consult a doctor or physician.
Performance and Anxiety Issues
Many men feel the pressure in the bedroom. If a woman has a hard time getting to orgasm, a man may feel like he can’t please her or feel like there is something wrong with him. Another issue is premature ejaculation where a man can’t last very long during sex.
When a man has anxiety or performance issues in the bedroom, it becomes more of a mental issue which then causes more physical issues and just makes things worse, which can get to the point where he may avoid sex or even refuse to have sex all together.
Just Changing and Getting Older
As men get older, their bodies and desires change. For some men, the desire just starts to decrease over time slowing getting to the point where they are comfortable with things without sexual intimacy. This doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t have sex, but the wife may need to be the one to start initiating more often to get him in the mood.
Life is so hectic and gets crazy busy. Now days it seems like we are looking for things to fill every second of our day. For some men, they may get so busy with work, hobbies and other interest sex becomes one of the last thing on their minds.
As you may have read other articles we have posted, or listened to podcasts we have done, you have heard us talk about how our phones are taking over our lives. In fact, research show that over 50% of people (men and women) would rather give up sex with their spouse than give up their phone. This shows the addiction we are all dealing with. This is probably something you can identify pretty quickly in the relationship. Are your husbands priorities different or does he put other things ahead of you and your relationship?
Boredom In The Bedroom
Many men just simply get bored in the bedroom, especially if you have been married for a long time. They loose interest and the desire to be intimate. If things in your life have gotten boring and mundane, try doing something to spice things up! The Ultimate Intimacy App is a great option!
Other Sexual Outlets
While this is probably not the case, it is something that is possible and certainly can cause men to not have any sexual interest in the marriage as they have found other ways to fulfill their sexual needs.
This could include masturbating to take care of his physical needs, it could be a porn addiction or even another relationship.
Again, we are only listing this as one of the reasons why a husband wouldn’t have a desire for sexual intimacy.
No Emotional Intimacy
Most men need physical intimacy to provide the emotional, but obviously for some men, they need the emotional intimacy before they will have the desire for the physical intimacy. So for some men, if their emotional needs are not being met, they may not have the desire for the physical side of things.
So if your a woman in this situation trying to figure out why your husband doesn’t want to make love to you, here are the steps to take consider to work towards identifying, and then solving the problem.
Instead of letting the unknown drive you crazy, sit down and have a good open and honest discussion with each other about what is going on in the relationship and in your sexual intimacy. Find out “why” he does not have the desire. In many cases, he may not know as it might be a medical issue, low libido or other issue you need to identify.
2. Be Understanding
Be understanding of what he is going through or dealing with. Let him know you are there to help him and support him.
3. Help With The Solution
Put together a game plan as to how you are going to deal with the solution. For example, if it is a health issue, agree to set up an appointment with the doctor or physician. If it is a stress problem, discuss what you can do to reduce the stress in his life. Put together a plan and involves a solution.
*If you are not able to resolve the issue through communication, or your husband isn’t willing to address the issue together you may need to seek help from a sex therapist or relationship professional.
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