Research shows around 50% of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce. That is a staggering statistic! Why is this happening and what is causing this trend? While there are probably many answers to this question and things that can cause this, it all comes back to one thing…couples are obviously falling out of love.
When couples start dating, they do the a lot of things in the relationship that builds a strong love for one another (communicate, have fun, date, romance, physical attraction etc), and that love continues to grow. They get married and think their whole life will be a fairytale like in the moves and their love will grow deeper. But once married, they stop doing the things that caused them to fall in love thinking that love is something that will alway be there, and it is just a feeling that cannot be taken away. So as time goes by, they slowing start to fall out of love.
They stop working on the relationship, going on dates, doing fun things together and the things that caused them to fall in love. Love is something you have to constantly work on just like anything else in life and if you stop doing the things that strengthen the love for each other, then the love is going to eventually die.
When love is absent in a marriage, you just end up with 2 people living with each other.
People think love is a feeling that cannot be taken away. The truth is love is like a seed, it is something you have to nourish and work at for it to continue to grow, but if left unattended, it will eventually die.
Most people can easily recognize when they are falling in love, but they fail to recognize the signs when they are falling “out” of love. The good new is, as long as your love is not completely dead, there are things you can do to nourish it and bring it back in your marriage. It just takes some work and effort on both your parts.
SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE FALLING OUT OF LOVE
Lack of communication – Couples that are falling out of love probably aren’t communicating and talking like they use to. Think of when you were dating and how much time you spent talking to each other, expressing your love, feelings and thoughts and wanting to get to know everything about each other. On average, couples now days spend less than 10 minutes per day in meaningful conversation with each other. How can you be connecting if you are not talking to each other everyday!
No physical or emotional affection – If you are not connecting emotionally or physically.. or do not have the desire to be emotionally or physically intimate, this could be a sign you are falling out of love. *There are times where sexual desire could be tied to a physical condition and we recommend you get the help needed.
No interest in spending time together – Couples who are in love are best friends and want to spend time together and enjoying being with each other. Couples who are disconnected from their spouse will look for ways to get away from spending time together. Think about when you were dating. Chances are you would do ANYTHING to spend as much time together as you could. This is how you got to know each other and fell in love.
No attempt to resolve any conflicts – If you are falling out of love, you probably are more likely to ignore the conflict or issue and just try to sweep it under the rug. This of course can make the relationship even more stressful, and cause more conflicts which will result in loosing more love towards your spouse. Couples who are in love with make every effort to find a resolution to conflicts that arise in their relationship.
Aren’t concerned about your spouses feelings – Couples who are in love are very concerned about their spouses feelings, thoughts and concerns and will show compassion and empathy. If a couple is falling out of love, they will typically become more concerned with their own feelings and less concerned about their spouse.
THE REASONS COUPLES FALL OUT OF LOVE
Marriage of course changes over time, but for most couples, when they are dating there are very few things to worry about. Over the course of time in marriage, you begin to have a career, a family with kids, and all the stress that come to us in life. These things can have a major impact on a marriage and our priorities in life. Check out a great article on prioritizing your marriage found HERE
There are MANY reasons that couples start falling “out” of love and here are a few:
Family and Kids – We know we are going to get a lot of people that disagree with this but many mom’s (and some fathers) put the kids first in their marriage, and this is a sure way to make a couple fall out of love. If a spouse is prioritizing the kids and putting all of their effort, love and time to the kids, there is nothing left for the spouse and making love or connecting together at the end of the day is the last thing on their mind. I don’t think there are a lot of things that could cause a couple to fall out of love faster than a spouse putting the kids before their spouse.
Stop caring about themselves – It’s amazing how many people stop dressing nice, exercising, and completely let themselves go. They think since they are married, they no longer have to impress their spouse. If you notice there is no effort to stay healthy and attractive in the marriage, that is a good sign you may be falling out of love.
Different Goals and Priorities – When couples get married, their priorities and goals in life are usually aligned, but just like many things in life, priorities (and goals) can change over time and if they change, they can throw everything out of balance and cause couples to fall out of love. For example, for most Christian couples, the priorities in their marriage may look like this when they get married
- God
- Marriage (spouse)
- Kids
- Work
- Everything else (hobbies, activities, service etc)
Let’s assume one (or both) of the spouse’s priorities change over time to the following”
- Work
- Kids
- Everything else
- Marriage
- God
You can see how if the priorities in couples lives change or get shuffled around, it could have a significant impact on their love and happiness depending on where the marriage falls into the priority list. Take a serious look at where your priorities are and make the changes needed.
THINGS YOU NEED TO DO TO FALL BACK IN LOVE
It may seem overwhelming, or even too late to turn things around but the truth is, for many couples falling back in love can be pretty easy! Think about how easy and effortless it was to fall in love with your spouse before. If you want to fall back in love again and find that love, intimacy and closeness there are things you can do.
Date each other – Date your spouse like you did when you were “dating”. Get away from the kids and enjoy time together talking and connecting and doing fun and exciting things together. This will bring back the excitement and romance quickly. Check out the article “How Date Night Changed Our Marriage” HERE to hear our experience with this. It literally changed our life!
Have meaningful conversations – Just start talking and communicating together again like you did when you first met and were dating. This will create a deep and strong connection again.
Get your priorities in order – If you take an honest assessment of where your priorities are, you will most likely find that you are not prioritizing each other. Get your priorities straight and put your spouse first (or just below God) and make them the priority in your life.
Connect emotionally and Physically – Emotional and Physical intimacy go hand in hand. It is very hard to have one without the other. Prioritize intimacy in your relationship and find the time to connect emotionally and sexually. Couples that have deep loving relationship always have good emotional and physical intimacy as these are ways to express love to your spouse.
The common theme is, if you want to have love again in your relationship just do the things you did when you were dating! We often get married and stop doing the things that caused us to fall in love. Get back to doing the simple things you did when you were dating such as communicating, dating, having fun, and the romantic things and watch your love grow strong for one another again.
Check out podcast episode 86 “Are You Falling Out Of Love?” HERE or by clicking on the picture below.
Ultimate Intimacy
For other great ways to make your marriage amazing, check out the FREE Ultimate Intimacy App. It has over 200+ resources and articles, sex games, non graphic sex positions, conversation starters, date night ideas, intimate chat, and so much more! Download today by clicking on the picture below.
