We come across a lot of great information and articles in doing our research for different videos, blog posts and podcasts. Recently we saw some great marriage tips from various experts and thought we would share them with you in our own words and experiences.
Don’t Play It Safe All The Time
Be vulnerable with each other and share your deepest feelings, fears and concerns with your spouse. This will deepen your connection. Couples who play it safe (and don’t share their feelings) can find themselves more distant from each other, and have a harder time connecting. Couples who are very vulnerable with each other create a deeper more intimate connection and develop more trust in the relationship.
Invest In Your Marriage
Couples that invest a lot of time, energy and work into their marriage will get big returns in the short and long term of the marriage. So invest in your intimacy, invest in your communication, invest in your fun, and all areas of your marriage and the returns will pay off big.
Your Marriage Needs Regular Maintenance
We do regular maintenance on our cars so they run better and last longer. We do regular maintenance on our yards. We do regular maintenance on our houses, and many other things. So why would we not do regular maintenance on our marriage?
Regular maintenance on a marriage could include:
- Taking time each week to evaluate how things are going in the relationship and the things you can improve on
- Have regular date night and time together
- Making time for yourself
- Have frequent sexual intimacy
Doing the things to “maintain” a good relationship!
Make Your Relationship Your Highest Priority
We have talked about this quite often but your marriage has to come first and be the highest priority to both of you. Yes, that means your marriage comes before your hobbies, activities, service, work, and even your kids.
That doesn’t mean you neglect those things. For most couples, the husband and wife only get to spend a short amount of time together each day, but it is not the amount of time, the but quality of time together that shows the priority. Those who make their marriage the priority tend to have happier kids, and other areas of their lives.
Protect Your Marriage From Predators
The predators are the things that sneak up and attack your marriage before you even notice. These include hobbies, busyness, and of course our devices as well as any other things that can sneak into your marriage when you aren’t expecting it.
Be On The Same Team
When you think of a successful team, the following may come to mind:
- They have a common goal and purpose
- They support each other through the good and bad
- They work together in all things
- They accept their own mistakes and don’t blame others
- They communicate extremely well with each other
Remember to be unified and work together in all things. When you have problems or conflict you need to overcome, don’t put the blame on each other, but work together in unity to overcome the issue.
Own Up To Your Mistakes
Take responsibility for your own actions and contribution to the problems in your marriage. It’s so easy and natural to point the finger at your spouse and blame them, but how easy is it for us to point the finger at ourselves and admit when we have made a mistake?
Take The Time To Process Before Responding
Before responding to a conflict or argument, asses the situation and make sure you are understanding what things correctly and have all and give yourself time to process before responding. How often have you got mad at your spouse before you know all the facts only to be embarrassed and have to apologize.
Learn To See Your Spouses Point Of View And Perspective
We all have our own perception and reality of things based upon our own experiences and upbringings. These shape our perceptions, however our perceptions are not reality sometimes. Try to understand your spouses point of view or perspective, what they are thinking and why they think that way rather than only looking at your perception and reality.
Cut Your Spouse Some Slack
Always give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Allow them to make mistakes or fall short for their decisions. Trust them and their ability, and most importantly support them. We has humans make mistakes and it is through our mistakes we learn and grown the most. Next time your spouse makes a mistake, just remind yourself of all the mistakes you have made.
Negotiate What Is Acceptable And Not Acceptable In Your Marriage
Discuss with each other what is acceptable and not acceptable in your marriage and agree what boundaries you are going to establish. Instead of giving each other rules, identify how boundaries can protect your marriage and make sure you are both on the same page. When you establish what is not acceptable, your marriage becomes more protected and free.
Let Go Of What Is Beyond Your Control
There are things in life we have control over and things we don’t have control over. Let go of the things you don’t have control over and put them in God’s hands. It will take a lot of stress and weight off of you and the relationship and allow someone who IS in control to take care of them (God).
Turn The Auto Pilot Off In Your Marriage
Many of us have a tendency to just coast through life as if we are on auto pilot. We don’t take risks, have adventure or be spontaneous. Life can become boring and mundane. Take control of your life and make things happen and add some excitement, risk and adventure.
Put A Plan Together To Create A Meaningful Life
Give your marriage some thought, as if it mattered more than anything in the world.. because it does. Put a plan together about your goals, finances, your relationship and where you want to be. Get as detailed as you can about how you are going to accomplish those together and put a plan together. You would never build a house without detailed building plans so why wouldn’t you have a plan about your marriage.
Get Real..And Get Rid Of The Unrealistic Expectations
We all go into marriage having these expectations of what we think it will be like only to quickly find out it is a lot different than we expected. This happens with romance, sexual intimacy and spontaneousness. Isn’t it suppose to be like the movies where they are making love every night and both spouses are always in the mood? That is just the movies.
Be clear and realistic with each other about what realistic expectations in your relationship look like.
Stop Assuming And Start Talking More
People who make assumptions in marriage, and in life are wrong 95% of the time. Assumptions can lead to a lot of conflict, misunderstanding and resentment in marriage. Think about all the times you have assumed something and been wrong. Couples need to do less assuming and more talking.
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