We live in a world of comparison. A world filled with social media full of pics of perfect lives, perfect people, and perfect marriages. Or are they?
Have you ever looked at a couple and thought, wow, they have it all, then gotten to know them better and found out that they have tons of issues, they just don’t share them with everyone. No marriage is perfect, even the ones who look like it! Everyone has trials, everyone is going through something hard. Each couple has their share of problems and marriage issues.
My husband walked into today after doing a morning full of yard work. He had a big grin on his face and I asked him what he was all giddy about. He gave me the answer of “just look outside at that grass!” In over 4 years our grass has been the worst on the block. Always had yellow spots or dead spots, never the lush perfect green like a lot of our neighbors. I never really blamed him as we both knew that there wasn’t enough top soil when we first landscaped. But the pride on his face, he was so proud of the grass because it finally looked AMAZING! After years and years of hard work, maintenance, fertilizer and care, the grass was green and beautiful!
Marriage works the same way. Marriage can die slowly just like grass. It takes so much daily care to keep a marriage passionate and healthy.
The little things we do each day for each other keep the marriage alive.
- DATE NIGHT is the most important
Do not let date night get pushed aside. The marriages that are the most happy are the ones where date night is regular, even weekly. Date night does not have to be a night out on the town and costly. Date night can be a cuddle on the couch or playing games after the kids are put to bed. Or even a walk around the neighborhood holding hands. Date night is about connecting. Showing each other that you want to spend that time together.
- Show gratitude in your marriage
When you first met, you probably said “thank you” a lot. You probably showed a lot of gratitude for all the date nights, and little things that they did for your when the relationship was first full of sparks. As time goes on, it is easy to forget to say “thank you” when we start to take things for granted. Just make a simple goal to try harder to say thank you to all the little things your spouse does for you. They will notice it and will probably change too. Just noticing the little things and being appreciative for them can change a marriage!
- Put down your cell phones
This one is easy, yet so hard at the same time. We all love our phones, but are we loving them more than our spouse? Your might answer no, but your actions might be showing something completely different. Making a cautious effort to put your phone down when your spouse needs your love or attention is also marriage changing. It is also important to want to put your phone down because whether you realize it or not, if you spouse always sees you on your phone, especially if they are talking to you, it is a clear sign which is more important. Why your Smartphone could be destroying your relationship.
- Say no to some things
If you feel life has gotten too busy, and that your spouse being top priority just can’t happen, it is time to say no to some things. We take on too much sometimes. When we look at our schedules and calendar, we really should be able to fit our spouse in there with plenty of room for everything else. If your “wants” or “volunteering” is taking over time with your spouse, it is time to reset your priorities. At the end of the day, it will be you and your spouse, and you want to make sure that you are still best friends!
- Give more, surprise your spouse
When you were dating or engaged, chances are that you surprised each other with little gifts or even little love notes. When we let those little things go, that is when the sparks start to go. Bring it back! Set a goal this week or this month to surprise your spouse with something they would like, it doesn’t have to be a gift, it could be a surprise date, a surprise treat, or surprise them with a sexy night they weren’t expecting 🙂
- Send your spouse a flirty text
Flirting in marriage is SOOOO important! It might feel silly to start flirting again if the flirting has left your marriage, but if you are wanting to get it back and don’t know how to start again, keep it simple. Send your spouse a flirty text just saying that you want to make love tonight. It might totally catch them off guard but we can promise you, they will feel super desired and will anticipate it the whole day! Who doesn’t want their spouse pursuing them! What a compliment. You can also use the Ultimate Intimacy in app chat feature and send sexy texts and pics to your spouse without anyone else ever seeing them! If you aren’t into the sexy texts, your spouse will still love you to send an “I’m thinking of you today” text or any compliment. It’s always the little things that keep things passionate.
- Hold hands in public
This one is big. Most likely someone in the marriage likes physical affection. Holding hands not just shows the person that you love them and want to claim them as your lover, but shows everyone else that too. That is a pretty romantic gesture. I bet you held hands a ton when you were dating right? Time to start doing it again.. it is also a great way to start the foreplay!
- Go to bed at the same time as much as possible
Going to bed at the same time doesn’t work for everyone. Some couples have opposite schedules. But if you can as much as possible, going to bed together is HUGE for marriage. Maybe one of you isn’t tired, you can read while the other one goes to sleep, but snuggling up to each other as often as possible is good for your physical and sexual intimacy. Taking the time to cuddle, and talk in bed is very bonding and a great time to have great discussions about your day.
- Get ready for each other
Don’t let yourself go. Just don’t. It is not fair for your spouse to marry you and then you stop caring about how you look. Not that looks are everything, but showing that you have pride in yourself and your appearance is healthy for you too. Dress up for each other once in a while and show them that you want them to stay attracted. It goes both ways.
- Admit when you are wrong, get rid of your pride
Yep, it is important to say sorry. No relationship can work without saying sorry. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, even if they are small. Letting go of pride shows your spouse that they are most important and that you care about their feelings too. If you are not winning together in your marriage, you are not winning at all.
- Be a better listener
Being a good listener is one of the best qualities you can have. It shows your spouse that they are most important when you care about what they have to say and listen with real intent. It gets easy in marriage after time to say you are listening while the kids are still talking, or you are still looking at your phone while they talk. When you spouse is talking, really try to tune everything else out and concentrate on what they are saying. This is a small and simple way to show you care.
- Kiss every single day
Why would you not want to? Remember how much you use to kiss when you were engaged? Has kissing gotten boring or less important in your marriage? Maybe you only kiss when you are in the bedroom and it’s only used for foreplay?
Kissing should be the first thing you do and the last thing you do each day. It is a quick way to show that the romance is still alive and that you prioritize physical intimacy. Set a goal together as a couple to kiss quickly every time you leave the house. Or even better, kiss on the lips each time you pass each other for entire day. 🙂
- Put relationship before anything else
If you have listened to our podcast, you know that we a huge on wiping the calendar and writing in the time you spend with your spouse VERY FIRST. It is not hard to make your spouse top priority. You just need to do it. If you feel like your calendar is over scheduled and you just cant fit in a date time, then it is time to wipe the schedule clean and re-prioritize your time. Your spouse should be #1. There is ALWAYS time for the things you love most!
- Be best friends
If you don’t feel like you are best friends, then what is it exactly that is keeping you from that? Maybe it is time to start a new hobby together that you can both enjoy? Kids taking over your life? It’s time for game night when the kids are in bed. Learn to laugh together again and find some fun in being adults. You can play board games at night, or even better, some bedroom games! Have fun together!
- Ask questions and talk about new things
It doesn’t matter how long you have been married.. there are always new things to talk about! Don’t know where to start? Try the ultimate intimacy app conversation starters! They are free in the app and there are hundreds of great topics in all subjects! You will love them and you will be talking about things you never thought you needed to!
- Be transparent, communicate!
Especially when it comes to all finances, and how you are feeling in your marriage. Don’t keep anything from each other. Nothing ever gets fixed if you hold stuff in. If you want a passionate and healthy marriage, communicate with love, respect and really talk about how to keep the passion there. Set goals together and make sure that you stay a team in all areas of marriage.
- Always say “I love you”
Just like kissing when you leave the house, saying I love you is as important if not more important! We all want to be loved, and appreciated. Saying “I Love You” can be the most appreciated words for your spouse to hear. Saying ‘”I Love You'” can also indicate true vulnerability and intimacy.
- Get outside together
This is super important. This doesn’t just include going on a hike or playing a sport. This can be anything out of your house even if it is just a walk. Getting outside gets you off the TV, off your phones and gets you really talking which is so important! It is also good for your health!
- Take a vacation or overnighter
If you can fit it in your budget, this is a great way to keep your sex life exciting and passionate or even jump start your sex life to be exciting again. Who doesn’t love vacation sex right? That is why we leave the kids for a few days, to bring back that romance and alone time together. Try cutting a few things out of your budget so you can save some money over the year, even if it is just for a quick over nighter.
- Equalize the responsibilities
Don’t let the responsibilities of life overtake your time together. Make sure that they are equal. It is 2021 and things have changed around who does all the housework. Both women and men should have equal responsibilities around the house, or whatever works for your marriage. Make sure to communicate it fairly and get the work done so you can have the time to have fun together!
- Be Intimate!!!!
Being intimate is so important! We have so many articles on the important of sexual intimacy and the benefits to your health and your marriage! If you have difference sex drives, there are ideas on the ultimate intimacy app to help balance it out and make it work for both of you! Sexual intimacy is a beautiful way to stay connected to each other and was designed by God for both spouses to enjoy!
Don’t forget to download the Ultimate Intimacy app!