Marriage is meant to be a partnership—a bond where both spouses share responsibilities, support each other, and work together to build a loving, balanced relationship. But what happens when you feel like you’re the only who cares, or the only one putting in the effort?
If your marriage feels one-sided, it can be exhausting, hurtful, and leave you questioning your future together.
In this article, we’ll explore the signs of a one-sided marriage, why it could be happening, and what steps you can take to address the situation and improve your relationship.
Before we dive into the article, you may also enjoy this great podcast episode:
What is a One-Sided Marriage?
A one-sided marriage occurs when one spouse consistently puts in more effort than the other to maintain the relationship. Whether it’s emotional support, physical intimacy, household responsibilities, or simply being present, one spouse feels like they’re carrying the weight while the other seems disengaged or indifferent.
This imbalance can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, and loneliness, leaving the more invested spouse wondering if their marriage is sustainable in the long run.
Why Could It Be Happening?
A one-sided marriage can happen for various reasons, including life stressors, emotional baggage, or simple complacency. Sometimes, one spouse can be unaware of the imbalance, while in other cases, deeper issues like resentment, emotional withdrawal, or even external distractions (work, family pressures) might be at play.
Understanding the signs and patterns can help you identify whether you’re in a one-sided marriage and empower you to take action.
Signs You Are in a One-Sided Marriage
You Feel More Like an Obligation If your spouse treats spending time with you as something they “have” to do, rather than something they want to do, it can feel like you’re a chore on their to-do list. A healthy marriage involves mutual enjoyment of each other’s company, not one person feeling like a duty.
You’re the Only One Putting Forth Effort Are you the one planning date nights, initiating conversations, and trying to solve issues? If you feel like you’re doing all the work to keep the marriage alive, you may be in a one-sided relationship.
You Can’t Count on Them When you need support—whether emotionally or practically—your spouse is often absent or unhelpful. This can leave you feeling isolated, especially when you’re the one they rely on for help but don’t get the same in return.
Your Spouse Says, “It’s Me, Not You” The famous “it’s not you, it’s me routine from Seinfeld. If your spouse frequently says this, or uses excuses like “It’s just the way I am” or “You know how I am” to avoid taking responsibility for their lack of effort, it’s a sign they are unwilling to address the imbalance in the relationship.
They Don’t Care About Issues in Your Relationship Every relationship has its challenges, but if your spouse dismisses your concerns and refuses to engage in problem-solving, they’re showing a lack of interest in the health of your marriage.
You Apologize for Everything Do you find yourself constantly apologizing for issues that aren’t even your fault, just to keep the peace? If so, this could be a sign that you’re taking on the emotional burden to compensate for their lack of effort.
You Justify Their Behavior If you regularly find yourself making excuses for their neglect—telling yourself they’re just busy or stressed—you might be downplaying the real problem: a lack of commitment to the marriage.
They Never Return Favors Marriage is about give and take. If you’re always doing things for your spouse and they rarely, if ever, return the favor, it’s a clear sign of imbalance.
They Disregard Your Opinions When your opinions, thoughts, or desires are consistently brushed aside or ignored, it shows a lack of respect and interest in your contribution to the relationship.
They Don’t Show Appreciation Feeling appreciated is a key element in any relationship. If your spouse rarely expresses gratitude for your efforts, you may start to feel invisible or undervalued.
What Can You Do About It?
A one-sided marriage doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship, but it does require action if things are going to change. Here’s what you can do:
Talk About It The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Express how you’ve been feeling and provide specific examples of the imbalance in the relationship. Avoid blaming or accusing; instead, focus on how the dynamic affects you emotionally.
It is important to know how to have effective communication with your spouse, because almost every issue can be resolved with good communication. Good communication is vital to a healthy and happy marriage.
Set Boundaries If you’re constantly putting in more effort, it’s important to set boundaries to protect your own well-being. Let your spouse know what you need from them in terms of emotional support, shared responsibilities, and affection. This can help clarify expectations and create a more balanced relationship.
Find out why you need to set boundaries to protect your marriage.
Seek Professional Help If your spouse is resistant or if you feel that the issues run deeper, couples counseling can be a great way to address these problems. A therapist can provide tools for better communication and help both of you understand each other’s needs.
Focus on Self-Care In a one-sided marriage, it’s easy to lose yourself in trying to keep things afloat. Focus on taking care of yourself emotionally and physically. Spend time doing things you enjoy and surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
Evaluate the Future If you’ve tried communicating, setting boundaries, and seeking counseling with no real change, it may be time to reflect on whether this marriage is still right for you. While no one wants to consider separation, sometimes the healthiest choice is to prioritize your own well-being.
Conclusion
Being in a one-sided marriage is emotionally draining and leaves you feeling unsupported and undervalued. Recognizing the signs is the first step, but the key to change lies in open communication and a willingness to work together.
A marriage can only thrive when both spouses are equally invested, so take action to bring balance back into your relationship. You deserve a marriage where both spouses are fully committed to each other’s happiness.
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