You might also like podcast episodes 70-71 “The 6 Things Your Husband (and wife) Need From You”
There are ton’s of jokes, memes and even multitudes of books written on how hard it is for men to understand women (and vice versa). You would think that we are so different, that it would be virtually impossible to get along! Yes, we are different but at the end of the day there are really just a few things that each spouse really needs in a marriage to be happy. In this article we will talk about the 4 simple things your spouse needs for both a husband and wife. So let’s start with the wife.
Here are the things a wife needs from her husband:
SECURITY
There are so many things that can be up in the air in life that can make a spouse feel insecure. Is my job secure? Do we live in a safe neighborhood? Do we have enough money to pay for our house payment? and the list goes on. In our first years of marriage, we took a lot of risks, which caused a lot of “un knowns” and caused a lot of insecurity where we didn’t know what was going to happen, where we were going to live, how we were going to pay for things and I caused a lot of stress for my wife.
A wife just want’s to feel safe and secure to know that her husband can provide, put food on the table, have a stable job (or income) and be able to count on her husband for that security.
We as men have a tendency to just cruise through life thinking everything will be ok and work out. For a woman, that does not work. A wife want’s to know that her worries matter to you and that you are sensitive to her needs. Listen to her and her needs and do whatever it takes to satisfy her needs. So what does a relationship that doesn’t have security look like?
- There is usually jealousy
- There is chaos. A relationship without security can be un predictable and chaotic due to the lack of security and stability.
- Fighting. There is often a lot of fighting and arguing in a relationship without security.
In a relationship where the wife feels secure, there will be less fighting because you are both on the same side and in agreement. There won’t be chaos or unpredictable things and if those things do pop up, you will be able to discuss them as a team and solve the problem. In a secure relationship there will be a lot of trust and communication in the marriage leading to better emotional and physical intimacy.
NON SEXUAL AFFECTION
What a woman needs from her husband is love and affection. Not just every few days when they want sex, but they need to feel loved all the time. Love and affection do include physical intimacy and sex, but there are many forms of affection and love that do not include sex.
- Holding your wife’s hand
- Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie or TV
- Hugging and kissing
- Expressing how much you love her
- Back rubs or foot massages
Check out this great article 6 Things Your Wife Needs From You
OPEN COMMUNICATION
As mentioned in other articles, communication to a woman is like sex to a man. A woman “needs” communication in the relationship to feel that connection with her husband. She needs communication to feel loved and appreciated. She needs to know you you care and you show her your love for her by communicating with her. Remember that communication also means to listen to her.
Active listening is one of the best traits you can have in marriage. This entails turning off the TV, putting down your phone or shutting it off, putting the two of you in a room with no one else that can distract you and being a state of mind where you can focus on what your spouse needs to tell you.
Listen with real empathy. Try to put yourself in their shoes for a minute and see where they are coming from when they express things to you. Listen without bias and without judgement. Looking at them while you are talking is also really important when it comes to true listening. It shows that you care about how they feel and what they are trying to express to you.
Check out this great article “The Importance Of Communication In Marriage”
NEEDS HER HUSBAND TO LEAD
In a time where everyone is screaming for equality and to be equal in all things (which we agree men and woman should be equal), the truth is men and woman are different and have different divine callings in life. For example, most women are nurturers and comforters and ndohave much more compassion than men. This is why they This is good and the way GOD designed it to be.
When a woman wants her husband to lead, it means she wants:
- Her husband to lead in providing for the family – It is a mans job to provide for the family and lead in that way.
- To lead your wife and family spiritually.
- To lead in romantically – We ask our wife on our first date, we pay for our date, we are the ones that call them. We pick them up, we pay for dinner, we initiate the first kiss, we propose to them, we ask permission to marry them and we promise to love and cherish them all the days of our life. It is the husbands job to be romantic and to continue to court his wife, open the door for her, and pursue her. The man is the pursuer and the woman gets pursued.
- Lead spiritually.
Here Are The Things A Husband Needs From His Wife:
RESPECT
What most husbands desire more than anything (even sometimes more than love) is to be respected. So what exactly does it mean to respect your husband, or what is respect to a husband?
- Show and express appreciation for all he does for you and the family.
- Take time to listen to him and show you care about him and how he feels.
- Compliment him.
- Spend time with him.
- Ask his advice on things to show you value his opinion.
FRIENDSHIP
For any relationship to be strong and endure a couple needs to have a great friendship. Think about when you first started dating. Before you fell in love, you most likely established a great friendship together that was formed based upon great communication and connecting emotionally. Couples who enjoy being together and have a strong friendship have a great marriage and often amazing sexual intimacy as well. They have a connection much deeper than just being in love.
SEXUAL INTIMACY
Of course we all new this one was coming as we have talked about this MANY times before. But let’s repeat it again 🙂
Women often think “my husband just wants to have sex” and so it’s easy to deny her husband his wants and not think a thing of it. But what if a man needs sex to survive.. just like he needs food, water and air to survive? Now this may sound extreme, and of course he will not “physically” die, but the relationship will eventually die. Statistics clearly show that.
A man will not be happy in a relationship unless he is having sexual intimacy with his wife just like a woman will not be happy if her husband is not fulfilling her emotional needs and talking to her.
Sex to a man is like a good conversation to a woman.
A man “needs” sex. It is the way he feels loved and appreciated. His self confidence and well being is tied to sex.
Sex is how a man feels loved, nothing else can replace that. A woman can tell a man all day long how much she loves him but if he is not getting sexual intimacy, the words mean nothing. When a man is not getting sexual intimacy, he does not feel desired or loved and it impacts every aspect of his life.
For many men, touch (Sex) is their love language. Sex is how they feel loved. If they don’t have that, they will not feel loved.
Check out our great article “How Your Husband Really Feels When Rejected Sexually”
SUPPORT
There is a tremendous amount of pressure on husbands. They have to financially support the family. This includes making the house/rent payment, paying for food, clothes, activities and all the necessities of life (and non necessities). Often times the decisions or risks a husband takes in work or business have a huge impact on his life or his families life (whether good or bad).
Husbands also have the responsibility of taking care of the spiritual needs of the household. A husband needs to know that his wife supports the decisions he makes and she has his back. He also needs his wife to support him emotionally and spiritually. Stand with your husband when things are difficult and you are experiencing trials. Be by his side and his rock that he can lean on.
Push him in his career opportunities or dreams that he has. Help him to be a better person and accomplish his goals. Nothing will give a man more confidence and support than to know his wife is right there by his side cheering him on.
If you provide each other the 4 simple and basic needs, you will see your marriage flourish emotionally and physically and create a stronger friendship and bond as a couple. You will find “Ultimate Intimacy” in your relationship.
Want to bring excitement and passion back into your marriage? Then check out the amazing Ultimate Intimacy App! It’s FREE to download. Just click on the picture below to download today.
