12 Apr

By far the #1 issue we see with couples is the struggles with communicating. Of lack of communication. It can be very uncomfortable for couples to sit down and communicate if they feel it is going to turn into an argument, or they aren’t communicating clearly or effectively. If couples can learn to have good communication in their marriage, and follow some of the simple things outlined in this article, they are going to have a happy and healthy marriage.

You can also listen to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast Episode 97. What Are Your Communication Styles?.. And How Knowing Your Style Can Change Your Marriage.

Here are some tips to help you have better communication with your spouse.

Learn to be a better listener

Couples who are great communicators are even better listeners. They respect each others thoughts, ideas, feelings and want to understand how their spouse feels, and why they feel the way they do.

Be mindful of how you are both feeling (don’t be afraid to take a break)

Understand when the right time and wrong time is to communicate together. If you are feeling frustrated, tired or hungry, you may want to wait to have that conversation. These things can make you more irritable.

Sometimes we will be in a serious conversation and the kids walk in and interrupt us. Sometimes you have to take a break or put a pause on things until you can 100% be present in the conversation. Try to find the time and location to be alone and where you won’t be interrupted.

Be very careful of the words you choose to use

If you are a couple that has a hard time communicating, consider the things you say to your spouse. If you are pointing the finger at them, blaming them and not listening to what they have to say, chances are they aren’t going to want to talk to you. What You Say To Your Spouse (And Yourself) Can Have A Big Impact!

Determine if it really needs to be said?

We all know what this means. How many times have you been in a conversation and you bring up something that triggers your spouse, or something that has nothing to do with the thing you are talking about. Consider if what you are saying really needs to be said. Or consider WHY you are saying it. It is applicable to the problem you are discussing or are you using it to cause hurt or to prove a point?

Make sure you understand what you think you heard. Ask them

How often do we as couples have miscommunication? “I thought you said you wanted this” “You told me to do this”. It happens… You can ask your spouse the question, this is what I thought I heard you say, am I correct in that understanding? Often we assume things and when we do, our assumptions can turn out to be wrong. Couples that have good communication are able to communicate clearly and make sure they understand things correctly.

Show empathy (try to understand where they are coming from)

So often, we tend to look at things from our point of view only. We are all raised differently and haver different experiences, so it is only natural we will look at things differently in our relationships. This is healthy and good! How boring would life be if we all looked at things the same way?

It is important to try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from or why they think the way they do. It is more important to show support for someone rather than trying to be right.

Try different ways to communicate

We have talked about how people have different communications styles. Try to understand what each others are and talk to them that way. If something is not working, ask your spouse how they want to communicate! Also, if your spouse has a hard time talking about things, or doesn’t want to talk about certain subjects, try writing them a letter or approaching something a different way. You can also learn more about the different communication styles to help with your communication together.

Check out a a great article on the different communication styles “Communication Styles And Why It Is So Important To Understand.”

Don’t allow it to become toxic

Don’t ever allow your communication to become toxic. When things become toxic couples say and do things that they cannot take back, and can cause harm to the relationship. If you feel the conversation is headed into that direction and becoming more contentious, step away and take a break until you can both cool down.

Set boundaries and rules on how you will communicate

Before you start your conversation, determine what boundaries and rules you will have and agree not to break them. Some of the good boundaries and rules could be:

  • No interrupting each other until the one talking is done
  • No yelling or screaming
  • No using toxic language or putting each other down

Apply these tips on how to have better communication and watch your relationship flourish. Good communication as a couple will help you draw closer together and connect better emotionally and intimately.

Ultimate Intimacy

If you are looking for ways to better your communication in your marriage, and spice things up, then check out the Ultimate Intimacy App! It’s is FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 600,000 people have downloaded the app and give it a 4.8/5 star rating in the App Store.

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