Before we dive into the article, you may also enjoy this podcast episode after reading this article, titled: 107. Maintenance Sex…What Is It And Why You Should Be Open To It.
We schedule time for things that matter. We exercise because it’s good for our body, we go for regular checkups to maintain our health, and we take our cars in for oil changes and tire rotations to keep them running smoothly. In the same way, marriage needs routine care to stay strong and connected—and that includes sexual intimacy.
Sexual intimacy plays a crucial role in marriage, helping to strengthen your bond, improve communication, and create a sense of closeness. But just like any other aspect of your relationship, it can be easy to let it fall to the wayside when life gets busy.
This is where maintenance sex comes in: having sex because it’s important, not just when you’re in the mood. After all, if we waited to have sex until both spouses were in the mood at the same time, we would NEVER have sex.
What ever happened to foreplay and getting your spouse in the mood when they aren’t? Ok, let’s dive into the importance of maintenance sex.
What Is Maintenance Sex?
Maintenance sex is the practice of intentionally engaging in sexual intimacy to keep the connection alive in your marriage. It’s not about going through the motions or checking off a box; instead, it’s about recognizing that sex is an essential part of a healthy marriage and committing to nurturing it.
While the term may sound unromantic at first, maintenance sex can actually be one of the most loving acts you can engage in. It’s a way to prioritize your relationship, showing your spouse that you care about the health of your marriage and value the intimate connection you share.
The Benefits of Maintenance Sex
Strengthens Emotional Bond
Regular sexual intimacy helps foster a deeper emotional connection between spouses. Even if you’re not in the mood initially, the act of being close, touching, and engaging in intimacy can trigger feelings of closeness and affection, leaving you more connected than before.
Keeps Passion Alive
Just as regular exercise keeps your body fit, regular sex helps maintain the passion and spark in your marriage. It can prevent the relationship from feeling stagnant, giving both spouses something to look forward to and helping reignite physical desire over time.
Reduces Stress
Sex releases oxytocin, the “feel-good” hormone that promotes relaxation and reduces stress. In today’s fast-paced world, couples often face daily stressors, from work responsibilities to managing a household. Maintenance sex is a healthy way to unwind and relieve tension.
Builds Trust and Vulnerability
Consistent intimacy fosters trust. Being vulnerable with your spouse in an intimate setting allows you to open up emotionally as well, which in turn strengthens your bond. When sex becomes a regular part of your relationship, it also deepens your understanding of each other’s needs.
Improves Communication
Couples who are physically intimate often have better communication in their relationship. Sharing intimate moments together makes it easier to talk about deeper issues, feelings, and needs outside of the bedroom.
Boosts Self-Esteem
Feeling wanted and desired by your spouse can give both spouses a self-esteem boost. Regular sexual intimacy reinforces the message that you are still attracted to each other, which can make both spouses feel more confident and secure in the relationship.
How to Approach Maintenance Sex
Schedule It Without Shame
Life is busy, and finding time for intimacy can feel impossible. Don’t be afraid to schedule sex in the same way you would schedule date night or gym time. This doesn’t make it any less spontaneous; instead, it ensures you’re carving out time for each other and prioritizing your physical connection. Check out this great article about scheduling sex and why it isn’t as weird as you think!
Communicate Openly
Maintenance sex shouldn’t feel like an obligation. Talk to your spouse about how important intimacy is for your relationship. Discuss how often you’d like to be intimate, any concerns you have, and what would make it feel more enjoyable for both of you. Open communication takes the pressure off and fosters a more loving experience.
Start with Small Acts of Affection
If you’re not feeling particularly “in the mood,” start by engaging in small physical gestures like holding hands, kissing, or hugging. Often, these small moments can lead to something more, helping to bridge the gap between emotional and sexual intimacy.
Focus on Connection, Not Perfection
The goal of maintenance sex is not to achieve some idealized version of intimacy; it’s about connecting with your spouse. Focus on being present in the moment, enjoying each other’s company, and simply nurturing your bond, rather than trying to make every encounter extraordinary. However, if you are a spouse that doesn’t find enjoyment in sexual intimacy, you need to check out the AMAZING intimacy aids/sex toys that we have that have a been a game changer for so many marriages!
Be Flexible
Life is unpredictable, and sometimes things don’t go as planned. Whether it’s fatigue, stress, or an unexpected event, don’t feel discouraged if things don’t always align perfectly. Flexibility and grace are key—what matters is the ongoing effort to prioritize your relationship.
Maintenance Sex is Not a Chore—It’s a Gift to Your Marriage
Think of maintenance sex as routine upkeep for your marriage. It’s not about checking off a list of tasks but about giving intentional care to a part of your relationship that requires attention and effort. Just like you maintain your car to ensure it runs smoothly, you can maintain your physical connection to keep the passion and love alive in your marriage.
When both spouses commit to prioritizing intimacy, the relationship becomes more fulfilling, stress levels decrease, and the emotional bond deepens. So, don’t be afraid to make time for maintenance sex—it’s one of the most loving investments you can make for the longevity of your marriage.
Ultimate Intimacy
