When one spouse wants to try new things in the bedroom and the other doesn’t, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity, understanding, and open communication.
It is amazing how many people reach out to us, saying things like, “I want to do _________ in the bedroom, but my spouse isn’t open to it or doesn’t want to try new things. What can I do?”
It is important to recognize that we all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences growing up (or even as adults) that shape our thoughts, beliefs, and comfort levels when it comes to sexual intimacy. This means it’s fairly common for couples to have different comfort levels regarding things in the bedroom, where one spouse might want to do or try things the other spouse does not feel comfortable with.
In this episode, we talk about the things couples can do to approach this very sensitive topic and find a balance that works for both spouses. We also discuss why being open to new experiences in the bedroom can be a good thing. There is however a right and wrong away to approach this with your spouse.
If this is something you’ve experienced in your relationship, then this episode is for you.
Here are some steps to help navigate this situation:
1. Communicate Openly and Respectfully
- Start a conversation: Choose a time outside of the bedroom to talk openly about desires and concerns. Ensure both partners feel heard and understood.
- Ask questions: Find out why one spouse may be hesitant. Are they uncomfortable, nervous, or do they feel pressured? Understanding their feelings will help guide the discussion.
Here is a great article titled: Why you need to talk about sexpectations in marriage.
2. Set Boundaries and Respect Comfort Levels
- Respect boundaries: If a spouse is uncomfortable, it’s crucial to respect their limits. A healthy relationship prioritizes mutual consent.
- Create safe spaces: Assure each other that you’re willing to explore ideas but only within boundaries that feel safe and comfortable for both. For example some spouses may feel ok about intimacy aids or sex toys while the other one might not. If you do, here are some great Christian Friendly sex toys that can be a game changer in your sexual intimacy.
3. Explore Compromises
- Find middle ground: Perhaps there are new things that both can try together that feel less intimidating. Start small and build trust through gradual exploration.
- Be patient: Introducing new experiences can take time, so be patient with each other as you work through feelings and boundaries.
4. Understand Emotional Aspects
- Emotional intimacy: For some spouses, trying new things in the bedroom may require a deeper emotional connection. Focus on enhancing emotional intimacy before pushing for sexual exploration.
- Trust and vulnerability: Address any concerns about trust. Make sure both spouses feel safe, as intimacy thrives when both spouses feel emotionally secure.
5. Seek Professional Help if Needed
- Therapist or counselor: If discussions about sexual desires lead to conflict or frustration, seeking guidance from a sex therapist or counselor can help both spouses navigate the situation with more understanding.
6. Avoid Pressure or Guilt
- No pressure: Don’t make your spouse feel guilty for not wanting to try something. It’s essential that both partners are fully on board with any new sexual activity.
- Mutual consent: Sexual intimacy should always be built on mutual agreement and respect. Avoid trying to change their mind with persistent requests.
By focusing on communication, respect, and patience, you can work together to find a path forward that prioritizes both partners’ comfort and desires.
Ultimate intimacy
Discover the Ultimate Intimacy App: Elevate Your Marriage to New Heights
Are you ready to take your marriage to the next level? Whether you’ve been together for a few years or a few decades, building a strong, lasting connection with your spouse is an ongoing journey. The Ultimate Intimacy App is here to help you deepen that connection in ways you’ve always dreamed of—emotionally, physically, and sexually.
Download the Ultimate Intimacy App today for free — your most intimate and fulfilling marriage is just a click away.
