You can also listen to this topic on our podcast episode 106. Is The Adversary Trying To Keep Sex Out Of Your Marriage?
My wife and I were out hiking around the other day and she shared an amazing quote with me that she saw somewhere, and I have thought about it frequently since she shared it with me. It states:
“The adversary tries to get you in the marriage bed before you’re married, AND tries to keep you out of the marriage bed after you are married.”
This is very profound and so true! For many people, the temptation to have sexual relations before getting married is very strong. Some decide to participate in it before getting married, and others refrain from it until they get married. We are not here to judge, but the point we are trying to make is the quote is spot on and 100% true! For many couples, once they get married and reality hits, sexual intimacy becomes very low on the priority list and EVERYTHING gets in the way to keep couples from connecting in the marriage bed.
We do ALOT of posting and polls on social media and love to hear the feedback and comments and it is astonishing how many people have made statements in their comments like:
Before we got married, we had sex all the time, but the second the ring went on it stopped…
It is amazing how often we see and hear those types of comments, and after hearing that quote, it caused us to reflect on why that is as so many people share that experience. We have concluded just as the quote says, that the adversary does everything he can to keep couples “out of the marriage bed” after they get married.
We understand there are a million different things that can keep a couple out of the marriage bed such as health issues, depression, anxiety, low libido and many other things, but in this article, we are going to address the common things that the majority of couples not dealing with health issues deal with.
Technology
We have stated this many times in podcasts and in articles, but it is important enough to emphasize again.
- The average person spends over 11 hours per day in front of a screen.
- The average person touches their phone over 2,600 times per day!
- 45% of millennials say they would rather give up their spouse for a month versus their phone!
- 56% of Generation Z say they would rather COMPLETELY give up sex with their spouse rather than their phone!
- About 40% say they would rather give up their pet than their device.
- 10% of Americans admit to checking their phones during sex.
- 10% say they would rather amputate their finger than loose their phone.
These stats are insane and almost too hard to believe. If people are spending that much time on their phone, and state they would rather completely give up sex with their spouse rather than give up their phone, that says everything.
On an instagram poll we did, over 50% of respondents said that technology was negatively impacting their relationship.
Your spouse shouldn’t have to compete with your phone. Seriously take stock and be honest with yourself and as a couple as to how technology is negatively impacting your marriage. More importantly, talk about it and put up boundaries or time limits on how much time you will spend on your phone. You could also make rules that the phone will stay out of the bedroom. Find what works best for you.
DON’T LET YOUR PHONE DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE!
Busyness
Busyness is not necessarily a bad thing. It is important to stay busy especially doing productive things, but when we get so busy (even with good things) it can be detrimental to your marriage. Many of us struggle with this, me included.
We fill our time with work, hobbies, and even church activities or service, and while all of the things may be good, even the good things can cause bad things to happen to the things we neglect.
How many of us are exhausted at the end of the day and don’t have enough energy to connect as a couple? This is what we hear from MANY couples. They fill accomplished as they checked everything off their list for the day, but they neglected the most important thing that should be on their list… their spouse.
The biggest excuse we hear from couples that don’t have good sexual intimacy is they are just too busy for it. Busyness is one of the adversary’s tools to keep couples from connecting.
The advisory wants to not only destroy marriages, but to kill them so there is no way to “come back”, and unfortunately sexual intimacy is one of the most powerful ways he tries to do that. Again, look at the divorce statistics showing the top cause of divorce is over sexual intimacy issues.
The Benefits Of Getting In The Marriage Bed
Studies have show that people that have frequent sexual intimacy are much happier and healthier. If you look at couples around you that are truly happy, they are most likely having frequent sexual intimacy that is fulfilling for BOTH spouses. It is never just one sided.
Good Emotional Intimacy = Good Physical Intimacy
Good Physical Intimacy = Good Emotional Intimacy
Sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy are directly connected and to have a good balance, you need both.
Sexual Intimacy Builds Trust: Sex requires incredibly deep vulnerability as literally you and your spouse are baring it all (naked). You see each other like no one else ever sees you with all your perfections and imperfections. Sex also open’s up the possibility of rejection which can make it extremely vulnerable. There are very few things that build trust like sexual intimacy in your marriage.
Sexual Intimacy Builds Connection – This trust translates into a much deeper connection as a couple as everything that happens in the marriage bed is just between you and your spouse.
Sexual Intimacy Builds Love: For couples that truly love each other, there is no deeper and better way to express and receive love more than through sexual intimacy. Both couples are deeply satisfied and fulfilled through this expression of love. Couples that have good and frequent sexual intimacy have much happier marriages and much lower divorce rates.
Sexual Intimacy Benefits Health: There are so many health benefits of sexual intimacy. Couples who have frequent sexual intimacy are less likely to get sick,
Better shape physically: Because sex is a form of exercise, sexual activity is equal to moderate physical activities such as brisk walking and other activities. The motion of sex can also tone muscles in the abdominal and pelvic area. People who have more frequent sexual activity often are in better physical shape.
Better immune system: Couples having more regular sex can have stronger immune systems which help lower the likelihood of getting sick with the common cold or flu.
Helps promote weight loss: Because sex burns calories, having sex can help with controlling weight, and the chemicals released during sex also can help with food cravings as well.
Helps with pain and headaches: Because of the endorphins released during sex, pain with headaches and throughout other parts of your body can be reduced or disappear because of frequent sexual activity.
- A study showed of people who were sexually active during a headache, 60% reported an improvement during a migraine, 70% reported moderate to complete relief during a migraine, and 91% reported moderate to complete relief in cluster headaches.
Lower risk of heart disease and stroke: Frequent sexual activity has been linked to lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart disease and stroke.
Make you look younger: Frequent sexual activity can make you look younger and help reduce the look of wrinkles. Couples that have frequent sexual activity often look younger. In fact, in a study done, those that have frequent sex looked between 7-12 years younger on average.
Better sleep: The body releases oxytocin and endorphins during an orgasm (which can help with sleep). Better sleep can also help with a stronger immune system, a longer life span, and having more energy during the day.
Increased Self Esteem and Happiness: Sex can help boost your self esteem and self confidence. More frequent sex (and quality sex) can have a significant impact on a persons happiness.
Better Bond With Your Spouse: Chemicals are released into the brain during sex (endorphins and oxytocin) which help with depression and help create a closer and stronger bond with your spouse.
Stress Reducer: Sex can be a very effective way to manage and help reduces stress due to the reduction in stress response hormones (cortisol and epinephrine).
If you are struggling with the marriage bed, you have to check out our Ultimate Intimacy Sexual Intimacy Marriage Workbook.
This workbook covers so many topics that keep couples from connecting.
- TAKE A LOOK AT THE TOPICS INCLUDED:Cover PageTable of Contents
- Communication
- Making love vs having Sex
- Barriers to Intimacy
- Dealing with Different Sex Drives
- Desire Styles
- Sex languages
- Getting in the mood for Sex
- Getting prepared mentally
- At home date ideas
- Foreplay Fun
- Anticipation of Love making
- Sensual Massage
- Scheduling Sex
- Bedroom Routines
- Bedroom Atmosphere
- Initiating in marriage
- The Clitoris
- Benefits of Sex
- Things that destroy intimacy
- Overcoming sexual dysfunctions
- What is ok and not ok?
- Position Fun / Trying new things
- Questionnaire and Goal Setting
- Setting up for lasting Intimacy
- Marriage Challenges
