22 Feb

Listen to the podcast episode “Why Comparing Your Marriage And Life To Others Can Destroy Yours”

How often do you find yourself comparing your marriage and life to other people? Some of these comparisons may be:

  • They have the perfect marriage, why isn’t mine like that?
  • Why dont we have what they have?
  • They are always traveling, why dont we go on vacations like them?
  • Their kids act perfect, why dont my kids act like that?
  • They are having sex all the time, why doesn’t my spouse act like that?
  • If I had a nice house or car like they do, that would make me happy.

Now days we are constantly comparing our lives to everyone else’s wondering why our lives and marriages are not anywhere close to what we see on tv, social media, movies, commercials and everything else we see and hear.

The truth is we only see what they WANT us to see which is one side. It doesn’t matter if someone is trying to sell us something, or wanting us to envy what they have, they are going to make us think that unless we have what they have, our life is not going to be happy and we are convinced that everyone else’s life is normal and it is ours that isn’t. NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!

Now we are not saying that there aren’t people out there that have a great marriage, well behaved kids, couples that are having sex all the time, or families traveling the world because there are. But you are only seeing the good things going on. What you dont see is the family on vacation with the kids constantly fighting, and the trip being paid for on credit cards (borrowed money) which then puts them more in debt and a financial stress on them.

You see the nice new car your neighbor just bought, but what you don’t see is the $1500 a month payment for the next 5 years and the stress to pay for it. You see a family that has a nice house and all the toys you could ever want, but what you dont see is the massive debt they are in and just trying to stay afloat each month to pay for those things. Again, these are just examples and we understand everyone’s circumstances are different.

If you are one of those that find yourself envying and comparing your life to others, you are not alone. This is something most of us struggle with at some level. We did a poll on instagram and asked the these questions and got the following results:

Check out the podcast episode HERE

We spent much of our married life feeling this way and learned so hard lessons along the way. It was when we implemented these 5 simple things below that our perception, attitude and life changed greatly and we are much happier because of it. Here are 5 simple things that you can do that will drastically change your life and marriage and make you much happier:

1. STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media gives you a totally unrealistic perception of things and for most people is a mirage. Now we are not saying you have to get rid of it, but be very careful or what you are looking at. The more you are envying what others have, the more you are going to start focusing on what you dont have and that is going to make you extremely unhappy.

Amy and I try to stay away from social media (other than business) and it has been AMAZING how this has transformed our life and marriage. Because we aren’t worried about what others have and are doing, we can focus on our life and marriage and work on building what WE HAVE!

Your perception of things is “your perception” and not reality. Focus on your life and marriage and stop worrying about what others are doing.

2. STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE (AND MARRIAGE) TO OTHERS

Everyones lives are different. We have different talents, abilities, personalities, jobs, perceptions of things, values, goals, circumstances and so on so it is only realistic that our lives are going to be different. Our lives are going to naturally be different than others. The reality is some people make more money than others and are in different situations and that is OK! We often times think the grass is greener on the other side but then get there to realize it is not. Stop focusing on what others have and what you dont have. Focus on your life, and your marriage as that is all you can control.

3. STOP TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH OTHERS

We are a society that wants things and wants things now. We have a very hard time waiting and thinking about how our decisions will impact our live’s. We think if we just have what others have, then we will be happy, or if we have a bigger house, then I will be happy.

We have been there done that, and learned a hard lesson from it. When you try to keep up with others, you often go further into debt which puts more financial stress on your marriage, which then causes more issues and so on…. you get the point. Why does it matter if you have (or dont have) what others have?

If you are constantly trying to keep up with others, you are NEVER going to be happy with what you have. I am in no way saying we shouldn’t aspire to better ourselves in life and want to have nice things… we all want that, and it is great to have a bigger house, or better car, but when trying to keep up with others puts your finances, marriage, and family in jeopardy, then there is a problem.

We need to be honest with ourselves and with our spouse about why we are making some of the decisions or purchases we are making. Is it because we want to give an impression to people? Do we want to “fit in” with certain people? Are we buying a bigger house because we need it or because we want it.

If you can afford it, then get all the wants you like, but for most people, this is not the case. Sit down together as a couple and really be honest and discuss the financial decisions you are making and determine if it is a want, a need, but most importantly if those decisions are impacting your relationship and your financial future.

4. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU DO HAVE

This is just my personal opinion, but I believe one of the biggest sins we can commit is in-gratitude, or being ungrateful and focusing on what we don’t have. I will be the first to admit there are many things I want to have, or to accomplish that I don’t have yet or haven’t accomplished… and that is totally normal. It is good to better yourself and your life and have goals, or things you want to accomplish or get, but be grateful for the things that you do have.

You can look around everyday and see people that have different handicaps or limitations, people that struggle with illness or have family issues, financial issues or whatever it may be. If you look around you will see there are many things in your life to be grateful for.

My parents do a lot of humanitarian work in Africa drilling wells for villages to provide clean water for the people. Many of these people have never seen a tv, cell phone, or even themselves in a mirror! From our perception, they have NOTHING yet they are the happiest people you have ever seen. We see pictures, and videos with kids and families that know what true happiness is. How can this be if they have nothing?

Maybe part of it is they don’t know what they are missing because they don’t know what cell phones, tv, social media and all these other things are, or because they don’t have much, there is nothing to compare to. They aren’t worried about what other people think or trying to keep up, they are just trying to live their lives day to day with what they do have. We would all be much happier if we were grateful for the things we do have. Often times it is the simple things that make us happy. Try focusing on what you do have, and not what you don’t have.

5. REMEMBER WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT

It is so easy in life to forget what is most important in our lives. We spend a lot of time each day chasing, or focusing on what we perceive is important in life, or what we think will make us happy. It’s interesting that we look up to people that are rich, famous, beautiful or whatever it may be, and think “if we only had what they did” we would be happy, yet many of them are the most unhappy people you could ever imagine.

They look happy in front of the camera or up on stage, but behind the scenes they are lonely and miserable. They can’t stay in a relationship, they get addicted to drugs and alcohol to try to just make it through another day of life. Many of them would give up everything they have just to have a “normal life”. Now I am not saying fame, money or any of these things will not make you happy, but life can become miserable when we forget what is most important in our lives.

If you want your life and marriage to change in a good way, try implementing these 5 things in your life and you will be much happier in your life and in your marriage.

Ultimate Intimacy Blog


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