Sex is one of the most intimate, powerful, and beautiful gifts that God has given to married couples. Yet, for many Christians, sex is a difficult topic to discuss—both in church settings and even within the marriage.
Many believers struggle to reconcile their faith with the idea that sex is not only good but also designed by God to be enjoyed. So why is it that Christians often feel uncomfortable talking about sex or even believing it’s a positive thing?
Let’s explore some of the key reasons behind this struggle.
1. The Church’s Historical Silence on Sex
For centuries, churches have often avoided discussions about sex, except to teach about its dangers or to warn against sexual sin. Many Christians grow up hearing messages about purity, abstinence, and the importance of waiting until marriage, but they rarely hear sermons or teachings about the beauty of sex within marriage. This creates a one-sided perspective where sex is associated with shame, rather than joy and intimacy.
Even within Christian marriages, couples may find it difficult to shift from a mindset that sex is something to avoid to seeing it as a God-given gift.
The lack of positive conversations about sex in the church has left many believers feeling confused, guilty, or even ashamed about their desires.
2. The Fear of Worldly Influence
Christianity often contrasts its values with those of the secular world, and when it comes to sex, the world’s approach can seem overly permissive, casual, or even corrupt. In an effort to protect believers from falling into temptation, Christian communities may shy away from talking about sex in a way that acknowledges its beauty and significance. This well-intentioned caution can sometimes make it difficult for married Christians to fully embrace sexual intimacy as a good and God-designed part of their relationship.
3. Cultural Taboos and Modesty Standards
Cultural influences also play a significant role in how Christians view sex. Many Christian traditions emphasize modesty and discretion, which can make open conversations about sex feel uncomfortable or inappropriate. This can lead to the belief that sex is something private—so private that even married couples struggle to talk about it with each other.
Additionally, some Christians have been taught that discussions about sex are inherently shameful, leading to a lack of knowledge, openness, and even struggles with intimacy in marriage. Instead of seeing sex as something to celebrate within God’s design, they may view it as something to endure or avoid.
4. Misinterpretations of Biblical Teachings
While the Bible celebrates marital intimacy, some Christians misunderstand or misapply certain scriptures in a way that creates a negative perception of sex. For example, Paul’s teachings on avoiding sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18) are sometimes misinterpreted as warnings against sex itself rather than against sinful sexual behavior. Additionally, the emphasis on purity before marriage can sometimes lead to lingering feelings of guilt about sex even after marriage.
Yet, the Bible also contains entire books—like Song of Solomon—that openly celebrate romantic and sexual love within marriage. When Christians neglect these passages, they miss out on God’s full vision for sex as an act of love, joy, and connection.
5. The Association of Sex with Sin
Because the Bible warns against sexual immorality, many Christians have grown up associating sex with sin rather than seeing it as something sacred within marriage. This can create deep-seated guilt, even when engaging in sex within the right context. If sex has always been talked about as a temptation to resist, it can be difficult to suddenly view it as a blessing to embrace after marriage.
Some Christians also struggle with past sexual experiences, trauma, or mistakes, which can make it even harder to believe that sex is good and that they are fully forgiven and free to enjoy it within marriage.
If you want something to get better in life, you have to learn.. or at least be willing to talk about it!
6. Lack of Healthy Conversations About Sex in Christian Homes
Many Christian parents struggle to talk about sex with their children, often avoiding the topic altogether or limiting discussions to warnings about abstinence. While purity and waiting for marriage are important, when conversations about sex only focus on the “don’ts” without explaining the beauty of the “do’s” within marriage, young Christians can enter adulthood with a distorted view of sex.
Couples who never learned how to talk about sex growing up often carry that discomfort into their marriages, making open communication about intimacy a challenge.
Let’s face it, sex for most couples is something that is very uncomfortable to talk about. In fact, a 2017 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that nearly 1 in 3 couples reported that they avoid discussing sex altogether. For many spouses, talking about sex can be uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, from fear of rejection to feelings of shame, past negative experiences, or simple awkwardness. You can now turn the hard conversations into easy ones with the “Let’s Talk About Sex Card Decks!
These card decks will bring up common questions and topics for you and your spouse to discuss in an easy way. No more thinking “how to I bring this up to my spouse?”
7. The Need for a Renewed Perspective on God’s Design for Sex
If Christians are to overcome these struggles, there needs to be a renewed understanding that sex, within marriage, is a good and holy gift from God. The Bible describes sexual intimacy as a deep, unifying act that strengthens the marital bond (Genesis 2:24). It is designed to bring joy, pleasure, and a reflection of the love and unity that God desires for His people.
How Can Christians Shift Their Perspective on Sex?
- Embrace Biblical Teachings on Healthy Sexuality – Study scriptures like Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5:18-19, and 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, which affirm the goodness of sex in marriage.
- Have Open and Honest Conversations – Married couples should learn to talk about sex openly and without shame, seeking to understand each other’s needs and desires.
- Seek Godly Guidance and Education – Christian resources, books, and counselors can help couples navigate intimacy in a healthy and faith-based way.
- Let Go of Guilt and Shame – Remember that God designed sex for married couples to enjoy and that past mistakes or misunderstandings do not define your ability to embrace it in marriage.
You may also enjoy this great book titled: Let’s Talk About Sex! 20 Things Christian Husbands And Wives Wish Their Spouse Knew (Or Would Do) But Don’t Know How To Tell Them.
Final Thoughts
Sex is not something to be ashamed of—it is something to celebrate within God’s design for marriage. While Christian culture has sometimes struggled to talk about sex in a healthy way, it is possible to reclaim a biblical perspective that honors both purity and passion. By having open, honest, and faith-filled conversations about intimacy, Christian couples can experience the fullness of what God intended for their marriage.
If you and your spouse have struggled with this topic, take a step today to discuss it openly, explore God’s Word together, and embrace the truth that sex is a gift—not just a duty or a temptation, but a beautiful expression of love, connection, and unity in marriage.
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