Check out podcast episode 129. Pet Peeves To Positivity: Why Are Pet Peeves So Triggering And How To NOT Let Them Ruin Your Marriage!
What are “pet peeves” in marriage?
Pet peeves in marriage are the little things that one does that start to drive the other person nuts over time. Unlike dealbreakers, pet peeves are all about things like mispronouncing “choir” (THERE’S ONLY ONE R), not taking out the dog within 10 minutes of getting home (no seriously), and “maybe” being said when it should be said as ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
A pet peeve is a relatively minor annoyance that provokes a strong negative reaction in a particular person. People have said their pet peeves are things such as when someone puts their feet up on the table, or people who talk with their mouths full, or people who chew ice loudly.
Pet peeves can also be more serious and significant things that really irritate you. For example, if your spouse has a habit of leaving the toilet seat up all the time, it will become a big issue for you over time and make you feel very annoyed. They can range from being mildly annoying to downright infuriating.
If you have too many pet peeves in your marriage then they can ruin your relationship because they will lead to arguments and disagreements over insignificant issues which could cause conflict in your marriage.
For some marriages, pet peeves in marriage can cause arguments and even lead to divorce if they’re not handled properly. If one partner has a pet peeve that their partner fails to address, it could cause problems down the line.
We all have little things we do that drives our spouses insane and vice versa. These these are often so small and non existent to where the people around us would never even know, but to us, they drive us CRAZY!
Sometimes couples even do things just because they know it drives their spouse crazy!!
Here are some signs that your spouse may have a pet peeve
They get mad when their spouse does something that bothers them
They get upset when things aren’t done correctly (such as leaving dishes in the sink)
They don’t like to be corrected about something
Pet peeves are a source of constant friction in relationships. They’re the little things that can make you want to scream, or at least roll your eyes. But what makes them so annoying?
Pet peeves are annoying because they’re often so small. They’re easy to overlook or ignore, but when you’re the victim of one, it feels like a big deal.
Here are some examples of pet peeves
- Trying to talk to your spouse while they are on their phone/internet
- Not making the bed in the morning
- leaving socks or clothes on the floor
- Leaving the lights on
- Not replacing the toilet paper
- Chewing loudly with their mouth open
- Being late to everything
- leaving the toilet seat up
- Not replacing the trash liner after emptying
- Not taking your shoes off in the house
How to deal with a pet peeve
- Sit down and talk about it! Make sure your spouse knows you’re listening. Let them vent their frustrations without interruption. If they need space after their rant, let them take it — but don’t leave them hanging as they wait for you to respond!
- Listen carefully and ask questions if necessary. Chances are there are underlying issues behind their pet peeve that you might not be aware of — and when you get those details out in the open, you’ll be able to address them effectively and move forward together as a stronger couple.
- Figure out why they do the thing they do. Is there something in their past?
- Ask them kindly to try to address it or fix it or come up with solutions together. No one wants to be bugged or the one bothering the other.
- Realize that you have things as well and you are not perfect. Give your spouse some slack.
- Look at and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and focus less on the negative things.
Pet peeves strike every relationship (friends, family , etc…). You just have to understand that pet peeves are very personal in nature and different relationship dynamics will effect how much a pet peeve actually bothers a particular person. If you both actively acknowledge the fact that everyone has their “pet peeves” and can both work together to reach common ground, then your relationship is going to last.
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