Many of us think that to transform our marriage into something great requires big changes, but the truth is it is the small and simple things that make such a great difference and impact.
Decide to have fun; Fun is a choice, not an outcome
Deciding you are going to have fun in your marriage is a choice, just like deciding what you are going to eat for lunch, or what outfit you are going to wear that day. I admit, there was a time in our marriage that I thought “I wish we had more fun in our marriage like when we were dating” and just waited for fun things to happen in our lives.
Of course they seldom did, and we just assume our life and marriage was meant to be boring. Our happiness and fun in our marriage is whatever we decide it is going to be and it all starts with our attitude, and then making some choices to make a positive change.
Make the time to have fun
It’s amazing what we prioritize in our lives and what we don’t. We make time for work, kids, activities, our phones and many other things to feel our time but we don’t make time for fun. People aren’t even making the time to have sex anymore as many studies show sexual intimacy frequency diminishing quickly in marriage.
Why are we not making the time to have fun? After all, when we were dating and first got married, for many of us we moved heaven and earth to make time to be with our spouse and have fun! So what changed?
It is vital for us to find and create the time to have fun in our marriages. For the people that say they don’t have the time, I would ask how much time are they spending on their phones, or on other less important activities?
Find fun games to play together and make it fun
When we first got married, we didn’t have a lot of money so we would find fun things to do together. One of the things we loved to do was to play games and make some wagers on the games. We would bet for back rubs, sex and other fun things and would have the time of our lives as we played, laughed and had fun together.
There are so many fun games to play together to spice things up and make life more fun and exciting.
Set a budget aside just for “the fun” things in life
We talk to couples all the time and one of the most common excuses we hear for not doing date night or getting out and having fun is they don’t have the money to do so. This is so frustrating to hear. No matter what your income is, there is always something you can do to have fun together and many things that don’t cost any money, or very little money.
If you don’t have a the extra money to spend, find something fun that can make you some extra money! Or, do activities that don’t cost a lot of money. If having fun and drawing closer together as a couple is important to you, you will find some extra money and time to make “fun” in your marriage again. Here are some fun activities you can do for free, or for very little cost.
- Play some games together
- Go hiking
- Watch a funny movie together
- Make a funny movie (or video) together
- Learn a new activity such as pickellball
- Get ice cream
- Go build a campfire
Check out the Ultimate Intimacy Date Night Idea Cards for more ideas
Try and experience new and exciting things together
Trying and experiencing new things can be a great way to bring the “fun” back into your relationship! I have a personality where I like to do the same things. I have my favorite restaurants, activities and things I enjoy doing.
My wife on the other hand is spontaneous and is always wanting to try new and exciting things. I assume this is like many couples. However, as my wife brings new opportunities and things for us to do and try, I find myself having more fun and experiencing things I never new were out there!
For example, we both had no idea that we would like sushi. In fact, for many years we thought it looked gross and never had the desire to try it. We both tried it and now it is one of our favorite things and we absolutely love getting sushi on date night! Even our kids love it now 🙂
We also use to think pickle ball was lame, but decided to get out of our box and try it. Now we both play league together and it is something we very much enjoy doing together. In fact, we often play for things such as back rubs, naked movie night and other things we put on the line to make if more enjoyable.
It is amazing how I turn into a professional when sex is on the line if we win against our friends 🙂 Trying and experiencing new and exciting things has brought a lot of fun and excitement to our marriage that we were missing before.
Be spontaneous and surprise each other
For some people, surprises or spontaneous things are very uncomfortable. Some people like to have things planned out and know everything that is going to take place during the day. It is good to know how your spouse will react to this.
However, I have found (as a person who is not spontaneous or likes surprises) this is something that I have learned to like and find a lot of fun in. One day Amy came to me and said “pack your bags, I just booked a couple nights in Las Vegas and my mom is going to watch the kids.”
At first I was nervous and thought of the things I had/should do as I am a planner, but we went and had the time of our lives! To this day, it is the most fun and enjoyable time I have ever had with her!
If you have a spouse that is not spontaneous or likes surprises, start out with the little things such as getting a baby sitter and planning something fun and see how they react. Then you can move towards the bigger things 🙂
Get physical together and try new things in the bedroom
Fun and sex should go hand in hand. When a couple is having fun in their marriage, they are most likely going to be having more sex and connecting together physically. There is nothing more fun and exciting than trying and experiencing new things in the bedroom.
Many of you know from our experience this is why Amy (and I) created the Ultimate Intimacy App. The bedroom should be a place where you are experimenting and trying new things, playing bedroom games like Truth or Dare, or the Ultimate Intimacy Bedroom Game and new sex positions.
Also trying sexual intimacy toys such as a vibrator, or vibrating rings can create a lot of fun (and new things) as well. If you haven’t experienced “fun” into the bedroom, you are missing out. Check out the Ultimate Intimacy App to help with that.
Laugh and be silly together
We just did a podcast on why it’s so important to find laughter and humor in marriage. The old saying “laughter is the best medicine” is so true! You can listen to the podcast episode 92. Why Laughing And Humor Is So Important To Your Marriage And Long Term Well Being.
Think of your most happy and memorable times together as a couple. Chances are it including having a lot of fun and probably a lot of laughter. Laughter has a way of connecting you and obviously makes things a lot of fun!
This is why so many couples do game nights and other fun things with friends. People are also attracted to people that make them laugh so your spouse will find you more attractive 🙂
Check out this great blog article “Why is laughter so important for your marriage”
If you want a more happy and fulfilling marriage, then doing these simple things to bring the fun back into your marriage can be a game changer and will improve so many aspects of your marriage!
Also, check out the amazing Ultimate Intimacy App for so many other great ways and ideas to bring back the fun in your marriage. It is FREE to download and has a 4.8/5 star rating in the App Store.