In a healthy marriage, actively pursuing your spouse both sexually and emotionally is crucial to maintaining a deep connection. Pursuit in this context means intentionally seeking ways to nurture intimacy and passion, ensuring that both of you feel valued, desired, and understood.
Here’s why it’s so very important, and what pursuing your spouse looks like:
1. Keeps the Spark Alive
- Emotional Pursuit: Regularly pursuing your spouse emotionally helps maintain the bond of love and connection. When emotional intimacy is neglected, couples often drift apart, leading to feelings of loneliness even within the marriage.
- Sexual Pursuit: Sex is not just a physical act; it’s an expression of love, passion, and commitment. Pursuing your spouse sexually keeps the fire burning and helps prevent intimacy from becoming routine or stagnant.
2. Strengthens Emotional and Physical Intimacy
- Emotional Pursuit: When you pursue your spouse emotionally, you’re showing that you care about their inner world. This means being curious about their thoughts, feelings, dreams, and concerns. It’s about being their safe place.
- Sexual Pursuit: Sexually pursuing your spouse shows them they are desirable, loved, and prioritized. It strengthens physical intimacy, which often helps bridge emotional gaps and vice versa. We can’t overstate the importance of pursuing you spouse sexually, even if you aren’t the high desire spouse.
3. Prevents Complacency
- Emotional Pursuit: Over time, it’s easy to fall into routines and take your spouse for granted. Pursuing them emotionally prevents this by continuously investing in the relationship, ensuring both partners feel appreciated.
- Sexual Pursuit: In many marriages, sex can become less frequent or spontaneous. Pursuing your spouse sexually helps reignite passion and prevents either spouse from feeling neglected in this vital area of the relationship.
4. Fosters Mutual Respect and Desire
- Emotional Pursuit: When you consistently seek to understand and meet your spouse’s emotional needs, you build a foundation of respect and admiration that fuels the relationship.
- Sexual Pursuit: Pursuing your spouse sexually means recognizing and respecting their needs and boundaries while ensuring they feel wanted. This mutual desire builds trust and deepens the connection.
What Does It Look Like to Pursue Your Spouse Sexually and Emotionally?
Pursuing Your Spouse Emotionally
- Regular Check-ins: Take time daily or weekly to check in on how your spouse is feeling, both about life and the relationship. This could be a conversation over coffee or during a walk.
- Active Listening: Listen not just to respond, but to understand. Validate your spouse’s feelings and experiences without jumping in with solutions.
- Intentional Acts of Love: Do small, thoughtful things that show you’re thinking about them. Whether it’s leaving a note, sending a sweet text, or surprising them with their favorite snack, these little acts add up.
- Spending Quality Time: Create moments to be together without distractions—whether through date nights, trips, or simply relaxing at home. This time deepens your emotional bond.
- Support Their Goals: Pursue your spouse by actively supporting their dreams and ambitions. This shows that you are invested in their personal growth.
Pursuing Your Spouse Sexually
- Flirt Throughout the Day: Don’t let flirting stop just because you’re married. Tease, compliment, and be playful in ways that show your spouse they’re still the object of your desire. This could be through a sexy text message, or sending them flowers or something special.
- Initiate Affection: Physical touch outside of the bedroom, like holding hands, hugging, and kissing, creates a sense of closeness and builds anticipation for intimacy later.
- Prioritize Sexual Intimacy: Make intimacy a priority. This might mean planning date nights, being more spontaneous, or setting aside time where you focus solely on each other. Make sexual intimacy a priority even if you have to schedule it.
Check out this great podcast episode titled: 104. Why We Have Completely Changed Our Mindset About Scheduling Sex.
- Be Responsive: Pay attention to your spouse’s sexual cues and desires, and make an effort to meet them in ways that make them feel loved and appreciated.
- Experiment Together: Trying new things in the bedroom (at both your comfort levels) can keep the sexual relationship exciting and fresh. Communicate openly about your desires and be willing to explore each other’s fantasies in a safe and respectful way. Try new sex toys, products and intimacy other aids to make sexual intimacy much more enjoyable!
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The Balance Between Emotional and Sexual Pursuit
The key to a strong, fulfilling marriage is to balance both emotional and sexual pursuits. Emotional intimacy often leads to better sexual intimacy, and vice versa. When you pursue your spouse in both these areas, it shows them that you’re committed to growing together, deepening your bond, and enjoying a passionate, lifelong connection.
Pursuing your spouse is a daily decision, and when done consistently, it creates a strong, thriving marriage where both partners feel loved, desired, and valued.
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