Every marriage encounters its fair share of disagreements and conflicts. But how couples navigate these challenges can make all the difference between strengthening their bond and causing irreparable damage.
Learning how to fight fair is essential for maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship. We did a great podcast titled: 111. The Podcast Episode That Will Transform Your Marriage!
We titled it this because this truly is a podcast episode that will transform your marriage, and we feel like it is a podcast everyone should listen to.
In our opinion, here are 13 rules that can help you and your spouse navigate conflicts constructively and come out stronger on the other side.
Tamara’s Rule: Treat Your Spouse with Respect: If you wouldn’t say it to your boss, don’t say it to your spouse. Respect is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage, and it’s crucial to maintain courteous and respectful communication even in the heat of an argument.
This is very sound advice and makes a lot of sense. How often do we say things to our spouse that we would NEVER say to our boss? Why do we think we can speak differently?
Express Your Emotions: Bottling up your feelings only leads to resentment and explosion later on. Take the time to express your emotions and feelings to your spouse openly and honestly. This allows for a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives.
Assume Positive Intent: Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and assume that they never intended to hurt your feelings or upset you. Avoid jumping to conclusions or assuming you know their motives without open communication.
Avoid Venting to Others: Instead of seeking comfort in others about your marital issues, take the time to reflect on your own feelings and actions. Use prayer or meditation to verbalize your emotions and clarify what you need from your spouse.
Pray Together: Prayer can be a powerful tool for strengthening your marriage. Take the time to pray for your spouse, your marriage, and yourself. Surrendering your challenges to a higher power can bring clarity and peace to difficult situations.
If you have listened to our podcasts you know that couples that pray together have less than a 2% chance of getting divorced.
Practice Empathy: Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. Empathy fosters compassion and connection, helping you navigate conflicts with greater understanding and mutual respect.
Stay Together: No matter how upset or angry you are, make it a rule to sleep in the same bed. Physical separation can exacerbate feelings of distance and disconnection, making it harder to resolve conflicts.
Avoid Winning: The goal of conflict resolution should never be to “win” against your spouse. Instead, aim for understanding, compromise, and mutual growth. Remember, you’re a team, not opponents.
Focus on the Positive: In moments of anger, it’s easy to focus on your spouse’s faults and shortcomings. Instead, make an effort to remember one positive thing about your spouse and your relationship. Gratitude can shift your perspective and soften your heart.
Use “I” Statements: When expressing your feelings, use “I” statements to avoid placing blame or causing defensiveness. For example, say, “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You always…”
Stick to the Issue: Focus on the current problem at hand and avoid bringing up past grievances or unrelated issues. Stay focused on finding solutions and compromises that address both partners’ needs.
Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your role in the conflict and take responsibility for your actions or contributions to the problem. Avoid deflecting blame onto your spouse and instead focus on how you can improve and grow together.
Forgive and Let Go: Once the conflict is resolved, practice forgiveness and let go of any lingering resentment or grudges. Holding onto past conflicts can hinder the healing process and erode trust in the relationship.
By following these 13 rules for fighting fair, you and your spouse can navigate conflicts with grace, compassion, and mutual respect, paving the way for a stronger and more resilient marriage. Remember, the goal isn’t to avoid disagreements altogether but to learn and grow together through them.
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