There’s no denying it — life after kids can be tricky. And while the expectation (or hope) might be that children will bring your marriage closer together, the reality is that it’s not always the same. Everything may feel a little more stressful and a little less romantic. Don’t panic, the stress of children is universal and you’re not alone. Check out these tips to help navigate your changing relationship and protect your marriage after having children.
Set realistic expectations
Through parenthood, you’ve likely built a daily routine where each partner has their own responsibilities for caretaking. While this cadence may be efficient, it can make one partner feel as if they’re working harder than the other. When you’re tired and parenting feels like it’s taking over your life, it’s easy to fall into “I do this” and “I do that.” To save your marriage from this frustration and stress, open communication and healthy expectations are key.
Take the time to regularly temperature check yourself and your partner. How is everyone feeling? Is there anything you could take off their plate or could delegate to them? Being honest about your needs, and receptive to theirs, is the most important piece of the marriage puzzle. Remember, you’re in this together.
Take five minutes each day
Parenting can be chaotic. As you’re making snacks, running errands, and repeating, you and your spouse might start to feel as if you’re in a functional partnership over a romantic relationship. Take five minutes each day for yourselves; it’s important to connect with one another. Have a conversation that’s not about the kids, look each other in the eyes, and take just a moment to be with the person you chose to spend forever with.
It’s not about what you do, but rather the intentional effort to try.
Eliminate extra stressors
Children aren’t the only stressors in a marriage. Things like not spending enough time together, or even time by yourself, health challenges, and financial strain, can be equally as debilitating. If you’re overwhelmed and exhausted by parenthood, consider taking the time to evaluate and eliminate some of these additional marital pitfalls.
For example, if your financial situation is suffering, work together to create a new household budget, focus on paying down debt, and cut back on discretionary spending. If you find you need more time for self-care, talk with your spouse about taking a daily walk to get some fresh air. By handling just one of the several stressors in a marriage, you can breathe easier and allow yourself to focus on your family.
Be patient with each other
It’s easy for your relationship to take a backseat once you’ve started a family, and learning how to balance your marriage with parenting can feel a bit like walking on a tightrope. To keep your marriage strong after having kids, there needs to be a willingness from both parties to work on the marriage, even when things get tough. Be patient with one another as you navigate the changes your relationship will experience. And remember to put each other first. Your marriage should feel like a team.
There will always be sacrifices along the way, but it’s worth the effort for a healthy marriage. Celebrate the good times with your partner to ensure the challenging ones don’t weigh down your relationship. When you make the effort together, put each other first, and remember you’re not alone, you can maintain your marriage and look forward to the future as a family.
For more great information, check out podcast episode 64 “How To Have A Strong Marriage After The Kids Move Out”
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