05 Jul

I am writing this article from my years of experiences in my marriage and things that I did that completely changed Amy’s and my relationship. I understand there is not a “one size fits all” that works for everyone, but if you implement these things, I promise you your marriage and sex life change in a good way. I also acknowledge that this article is similar to other articles and podcasts we have done, but as men, it takes a long time for us to “get” things. 😉

1. Communicate and connect emotionally with your wife:

A good conversation to a woman is like sex to a man! A woman needs good conversation to connect with her husband. Just like in the bedroom, a woman needs time to get warmed up first, so good communication is like “emotional foreplay” which will often lead to sexual intimacy. Men are ready to go at a moments notice, but most women need to connect emotionally first and as the average couple spends less than 10 minutes per day having meaningful conversation, this makes is almost impossible to connect emotionally together, let alone get to a physical connection together (unless your wife really has a high sex drive). Here are some things you can do:

  • Talk to your spouse throughout the day! This doesn’t mean that you have to have long conversations, just send her a text message to let her know you are thinking of her, or that you are excited to see her later when you get home. Let her know she is on your mind.
  • Talk to your spouse about their day when you get home from work. Be interested in her and her day, and most importantly listen to her and focus all your attention on her.
  • Communicate with your wife about how you feel and the things she needs from you. Open communication is key to connecting emotionally and physically with your spouse.

2. Spend More Quality Time Together

This goes hand in hand with connecting emotionally first so you can then get to the physical connection. If you are too busy to find time to spend quality time together, it’s time to drop some hobbies, spend less time watching sports, or whatever it is. Put your marriage first again and make the time to spend good quality time with your wife. If it is your wife that is too busy and too tired at the end of the day to spend quality time together, simplify things in your life, your kids schedules, or whatever it may be to find time to spend together and connect. Make your marriage a priority in your life and eliminate the things that are less important, or time wasters so you can find more time to spend together as a couple, and as a family.  This time will help you connect more emotionally, and physically.

This goes hand in hand with connecting emotionally first so you can then get to the physical connection. If you are too busy to find time to spend quality time together, it’s time to drop some hobbies, spend less time watching sports, or whatever it is. Put your marriage first again and make the time to spend good quality time with your wife. If it is your wife that is too busy and too tired at the end of the day to spend quality time together, simplify things in your life, your kids schedules, or whatever it may be to find time to spend together and connect. Make your marriage a priority in your life and eliminate the things that are less important, or time wasters so you can find more time to spend together as a couple, and as a family.  This time will help you connect more emotionally, and physically.

@ultimateintimacyapp on instagram

3. Be Affectionate All The Time, Not Just When You Want Sex

We as men are often only affectionate when we want something, and I am totally guilty of it as well, but I am a changed man, and have implemented a new strategy and it works! It used to be that day 4-5 would roll around and I would start being all-affectionate with my wife. I would start doing all the romantic things trying to get her in the mood. Don’t get me wrong, she loves when I get romantic as the dishes are getting done, laundry and other things around the houses, as well as I cant keep my hands and mind off her. She would say ‘Oh, it must be day 5” and laugh. Now don’t get me wrong, she loves it, but would always ask “why don’t you always act this way”? Maybe I should hold out for a few days so you’ll continue to treat me like this longer. I am not too proud to admit that I did recognize that pattern and it was obvious. I have been really trying to focus on being affectionate all the time (or more often) to make my wife know it isn’t just about sex, but I truly care about her and love her. I can tell you that the more affectionate I am, the more she wants to be sexually intimate together.

Now being affectionate does not mean being all over your wife, that is not what wives want. Being affectionate means holding your wife’s hand as you are walking somewhere, opening the door for her, giving her hugs and kisses, telling her how much you love her and how much she means to you, doing the dishes, or some of the chores around the house, go shopping for her and many other things. Women want to feel connected to their husbands in other ways that don’t just include sex. Show more affection, and I promise your wife will show it back  (in the ways you want).

Things Wive’s wish their husbands knew about sex!

4. Try New Things To Bring Back The Excitement

If you look at the world view of sex, it would tell you that the man is the one that wants to try new things in the bedroom to try to bring back the excitement. Not what happened in my marriage. As many of you know the story of the Ultimate Intimacy App, my wife was getting bored in the bedroom and she wanted something more than just “missionary position”, so she bought us a bedroom game! Lets just say our sex and intimacy went to “Ultimate Intimacy” and was so incredible, we decided to name the app “Ultimate Intimacy”.

Many women admit to getting bored in the bedroom and feel like its just the “same old, same old” and this of course decreases their desire to be sexual, just like my wife’s experience. Just like men, women also have sexual fantasies and desires and often want to spice things up in the bedroom! Often times as couples we are very scared to have these conversations and talk about those desires in fear of what the other partner might think, or being rejected. To all you men… be spontaneous and try something new in the bedroom that focuses 100% on your wife. Talk to your wife about “her” sexual fantasies, and what she desires and wants in the bedroom from you!

If “you” want hot sex, you have to give your wife the kind of sex they want too!

Talk to your wife about trying different things in the bedroom and ask her what her desires are and what you can do for her. Also, download the #1 Marriage and Intimacy App (Ultimate Intimacy) HERE, for a great clean, non graphic resource to help you take your sex life to a whole new level.  

5. Men…Be Unselfish During Sex

I cant tell you how important this is, forget about yourself and your needs and focus 100% on taking care of your wife and fulfilling her needs first. We as men have an expiration date, we can only go so long and when we are done, we are done. We all know sometimes it can take some time to get our wives’ in the mood and sometimes we cant last that long, which then makes sex much less enjoyable for our spouse. Focusing all of your attention on your wife and her needs will show your wife how much you love her, care about her, and focusing on her and her needs and “taking care of her” before your own will help her enjoy intimacy so much more, and help you last longer as well. Make it your goal to always please your wife and give your wife an orgasm first. If you do “finish” before your wife does, it doesn’t mean you have to be done having sex. There is so much more to sex and intimacy and many techniques and things you can continue to do to take care of your wife and her sexual needs as well. Put your wife’s sexual needs and desires above your own and your sex life will change drastically!

@ultimateintimacyapp on instagram