03 Jun

At 34 years old, after 10 years of juggling the roles of wife, mom, educator, and blogger, I’m a firm believer that you cannot leave anything important up to chance. This includes your sex life. There are a million things to do every day. Some days are more exhausting than others. One thing that doesn’t change is that I look forward to going to bed at night. But how do you get everything done on your “To Do” list and still have the energy and desire to initiate sex with your husband? How do you tap into your sexuality when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed?

Obstacles to Initiating Sex

If you’re like me, you love your husband to death but struggle with balancing your responsibilities with your marriage. Sometimes life becomes more about the day-to-day hustle and bustle of working and raising kids, than about actually enjoying each other. 

On top of that, many of us were raised with the subconscious idea that sex is something that only the man enjoys; others haven’t recovered from sexual trauma we experienced in the past. Some of us even struggle with low self-esteem and body shame. I talk about all these obstacles in much more detail in this post, but right now I want to help you by showing you what you can do to embrace yourself as a sexual being and transform your sex life. Sex isn’t just something that your husband enjoys. It’s a beautiful experience that can and should be exciting and passionate for you too. 

You won’t have a higher sex drive by chance. If you wait until you’re “in the mood” to initiate sex with your husband, you probably won’t have sex more than a couple of times a month. Life is just too busy and stressful for your sex life to spontaneously change. It’s all about intentionality. The tips I’m about to share with you are simple, but powerful habits for boosting your sex life, transforming your sex life,  and spicing up your marriage!  Are you ready? Let’s jump right in. 

tips for initiating sex with your husband-and making it sizzle!

1. Buy new underwear. 

It’s time to stop wearing granny panties every day (you know, the ones you wear when you’re on your period) and start wearing sexy underwear that matches. There’s something about wearing sexy underwear that makes us feel more confident and attractive. It also sends the message that sex is on your mind. I don’t care if you go to Ross or Victoria’s Secret, or good old Amazon. Invest in underwear that will make you feel sexier. Feeling sexy is a great way to subconsciously prepare yourself to initiate sex. 

2. Let your husband see you naked-on purpose. 

It could be as simple as casually walking by him in your underwear while you’re getting dressed and “accidentally” dropping something on the floor that you have to bend over and pick up. I know it sounds like something out of a movie, but this works for me EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I walk by in my underwear and my husband’s eyes follow me, and that night we have amazing sex because he’s been fantasizing about me in my underwear all day. 

Radical Re-Orientation to Sex & Intimacy Mini-Workshop

Develop a Sex Positive Mindset Now

3. Send your husband flirty text messages. 

Sex begins in the mind, so try initiating sex with your husband mentally throughout the day. Visualization is a powerful, easy way to do this when you’re apart from each other. Describe exactly what you want him to do the next time you have sex. Tell him your favorite part of his body. Tell him “thank you” for something he’s done recently and what he can expect as a token of your appreciation (wink, wink). When you text and think about sex, it will be on your mind more often, and the results will trickle down into the bedroom. You’ll start to look forward to it too, instead of avoiding it or putting it on the back burner when you’re tired. 

4. Try a new sex position. 

Not all sex positions are created equal. You can experience more pleasure in certain positions. It’s not the same for everyone, so you have to experiment with your husband and see what works for BOTH of you. I also discovered that sometimes a position may give my husband a lot more pleasure than it does me. Be persistent and creative!  You can check out new positions here. As a bonus, try a new location! Initiating sex with your husband is a lot more fun when you make it adventurous and have fun with it!

5. Spend more time stimulating your clitoris. 

Did you know that your clitoris is made up of the same tissue as your husband’s tissue? Erectile tissue fills up with blood and has a lot of nerve endings. There’s a reason why God created us with this type of tissue! But a lot of times our poor clitoris gets neglected when we rush through sex. Clitoral stimulation is important for vaginal lubrication too. When your vagina is wet, penetration feels A LOT more pleasurable. So invest more time in foreplay. Let your husband how you want to be stimulated. Try different things (his hand versus his tongue) and see what happens. 

6. Turn on the music! 

Like I said before, sex starts in the brain. Sex comes more easily when it’s on your mind often. While you’re driving to pick up the kids, or walking through the grocery store, turn on some love songs. Think about how amazing and handsome your hubby is. You can also try turning on music right before bed. Set the atmosphere for sex! 

7. Dance. 

Have you tried doing a sexy dance for your husband? Part of learning to boost your sex drive is to start thinking of yourself as a sexual being. Give your husband a lap dance. Not only will it get him aroused, but seeing your husband turned on will turn you on too! 

As women, our sex drive is part of who we are. Initiate sex with your husband instead of leaving it up to him, or waiting to be in the right “mood.” Make sex a priority in your life instead of leaving our sex life at the mercy of life’s hustle-and-bustle. It requires daily intentionality, but it’s so worth it! I’ve been trying these, and my hubby and I have been able to really connect as a result of it.

This article was reposted and used with permission from Evolving Wife.

Want some great ways to take your emotional and sexual intimacy to a whole new level? Check out the incredible Ultimate Intimacy App! Just click on the picture below to download for free today!

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