Check out podcast episode 75 How Setting Boundaries Can Stop The Battles In Your Marriage
For most people, sex takes place in the bedroom in the evening. But now days, there are so many distractions and things that have moved into the bedroom that keep couples from connecting emotionally and sexually. Many people dont realize this is even happening, but after reading this article, you will probably see a lot of things you can implement to help increase the emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. Here are the 8 routines couples can implement to help them connect before going to bed.
Go to bed at the same time
It is amazing how many couples dont do this and have their own schedules when it comes to what time they go to bed. We understand that some couples can’t do this based upon work schedules or other things but for those who can, this is a must. We have know some couples where the wife goest to bed at 9:00 (when the kids do) and the husband stays up and goest to bed later. The wife wakes up early to go work out and the husband wakes up after to go to work. When in the world did they have sex?? or when did they connect away from the kids? A couple should try to go to bed at the same time so they can spend some good time together talking, cuddling, or having sex!
Shower together
Most people are already getting in the shower before bed to clean up before going to sleep (or having sex) so you mind as well do this together. This may sound silly, but we do this in our marriage and it is very enjoyable and give us time to talk, relax and spend time together. This time is where we have some of our most meaningful conversations and is a great place to connect. This is also a place where you are more likely not going to have your kids come bother you.
Spend time together in bed, before you go to bed
Many couples just jump into bed and immediately pull out their phones and start answering messages, surfing the interned, or watching videos. I am guilty of this. Try putting your phones away and spending this time connecting. There are so many ways to connect. You can talk, snuggle, watch tv or a movie together, give your spouse a back rub, or have sex. We have talked about this before, but the average couple spends less than 10 minutes each day having meaningful conversation. NO WONDER SO MANY MARRIAGES ARE STRUGGLING! Remember that conversation to a woman is like sex to a man. You need this time to talk and connect before going to sleep.
Make love to each other as often as possible
Making love before you go to bed has so many benefits! It can help take away stress, and it has proven to help you get a better nights sleep. It can make you look younger, take away headaches, helps promote weight loss, reduces stress, and have a better immune system. There are so many other benefits of sex which you can read in our articles The benefits of having sex more frequently and How sex and intimacy benefit your health. In addition to all the reasons above, sex is amazing and it brings you closer together as a couple.
Dont bring electronics into the bedroom
We all do this. We jump in bed and immediately get on our phones and start waisting time. lets be real, it’s a great way to forget about the day and just relax.. we get it and also are guilty of it. But how much better would it be if you and your spouse were connecting emotionally and sexually instead of connecting with your phone (that you have most likely been on all day already)? Work emails and messages can wait until the morning. We have talked about the impact of technology on marriages several times and it is impacting our relationships more than we can ever comprehend. Make a plan as a couple that you will keep, or limit your technology use in your bedroom and you will see your marriage transform in a great way.
Set boundaries for your bedroom (such as a curfew) with the kids
One of the biggest roadblocks in our marriage to having sex or connecting emotionally and physically is our kids. We love our kids of course, but for some reason it seems like when it’s getting late and time for them to go to bed, they all of the sudden get a new wind and want to hang out, watch a movie, talk, or do anything they can to keep from going to bed. It doesn’t matter if we are getting ready for bed, taking a shower together or what we are doing to try to connect emotionally or physically, our kids are there in our bedroom and bathroom hanging out. While it is great that our kids want to talk and hang out, they have had several hours before to do that throughout the day. We are guilty of this and are going to take our own advice and start setting boundaries, or a curfew with our bedroom. This could be that as of 10:00, our bedroom is off limits and anything you have to say can wait until the morning. You could put a sign on the door when you dont want to be bothered. Another boundary could be that the kids need to knock on the door before trying to enter our bedroom, or if our door is closed and its after 10:00, whatever they need can wait until the morning. Everyones boundaries are going to be different based upon the age of their kids, and what works for them in their marriage. The key is setting boundaries so you can spend time together.
Dont let your kids sleep in your bed (or room)
It’s amazing to us how many couples let their kids sleep in their bed with them (or in their room), and no, we arent talking about a new baby of course. If you want to kill your relationship, this is the fastest way to to so. And then couples wonder why their relationship is struggling. Your bedroom is “your” sanctuary and place to connect as a couple and your kids need to know that. This should not be something you should even compromise on. Your kids need to know your bedroom is off limits when it’s time to go to bed.
Pray together as a couple
We dont know how couples make it in marriage without involving GOD. When a couple has common goals and prays together for God’s guidance and help, and for their marriage, amazing things can happen. Marriage can be hard and life throws many things our ways but praying to God together can bring you much closer together as a couple.
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