23 Nov

Marriage is a beautiful and complex journey, often filled with joy, love, and shared dreams. However, it can also be a challenging and tumultuous ride, with conflicts and disagreements along the way. One of the most common sources of friction in a marriage is the desire to be right.

In this article, we’ll explore the age-old question: do you want to be right or do you want to be happy in marriage? We’ll discuss how the relentless pursuit of being right can undermine a marriage and why prioritizing happiness over being right is the key to a thriving relationship.

The Urge to Be Right

Many of us are naturally wired to want to be right, especially when it comes to arguments and conflicts. Being right can make us feel validated, intelligent, and in control. However, in the context of a marriage, the relentless pursuit of being right can have detrimental consequences.

  1. Endless Arguments: When both spouses are determined to prove themselves right, it can lead to never-ending arguments and disputes. These ongoing conflicts can erode the emotional connection and intimacy in the relationship.
  2. Eroded Trust: Constantly striving to be right can erode trust in a marriage. Spouses may begin to doubt each other’s motives and intentions, which can create a toxic atmosphere of suspicion.
  3. Communication Breakdown: The desire to be right often leads to poor communication. Instead of listening and understanding each other’s perspectives, couples may only focus on defending their positions.
  4. Emotional Toll: The emotional toll of always needing to be right can be exhausting. It can lead to stress, anxiety, and resentment, both for the person who feels the need to prove themselves right and for their spouse.

if you struggle in marriage and are arguing frequently as a couple, you should listen to the best podcast episode on conflict resolution titled: 111. The Podcast Episode That Will Transform Your Marriage!

This has to be one of the best podcast episodes we have done, with information applicable to every relationship. In this episode Nick and Amy interview Tamara Fackrell (she is a divorce attorney, author and has a PHD in marriage and family relationships). Yes, you heard that correctly, a divorce attorney that is fighting to help couples not only survive, but thrive in marriage! 

In this episode Tamara shares 10 things that can help with conflict resolution. The steps she provides are so simple and easy to understand, and are things that couples can do to transform their marriage quickly and keep them thriving in their relationship.

Trust us, this will be an episode that could be a game changer in your marriage… even if you already have a good marriage 🙂

The Pursuit of Happiness

Rather than focusing on being right, it’s important to shift the focus toward being happy in marriage. Prioritizing happiness means making choices that foster a positive and fulfilling relationship.

  1. Empathy and Understanding: Instead of insisting on being right, strive to understand your spouse’s point of view. Empathy and active listening can go a long way in resolving conflicts and building emotional connection.
  2. Conflict Resolution: Learn how to navigate conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner. This may involve compromise, negotiation, and finding common ground.
  3. Letting Go of Ego: Sometimes, it’s necessary to let go of our ego and pride for the sake of the relationship. Being willing to admit when you’re wrong or to apologize can be a powerful step toward happiness.
  4. Shared Goals: Reconnect with the shared goals and dreams that brought you together in the first place. Remind yourselves of what truly matters and work together to achieve those goals.
  5. Quality Time: Spend quality time together to nurture your emotional connection. Enjoy activities that you both love and create opportunities for laughter and joy.

Let’s consider the story of Lisa and Mark, a married couple who had a recurring issue with their finances. They both had different approaches to managing their money, and this often led to arguments. Lisa was a meticulous budgeter, while Mark was more spontaneous with his spending.

Lisa’s desire to be right:

Lisa believed that her method of financial planning was the only correct way. She would meticulously track every expense and make sure they saved for their future, but she constantly reminded Mark of his frivolous spending habits. When Mark made an impulsive purchase, Lisa would criticize him, emphasizing how her approach was the right one.

Mark’s pursuit of happiness:

Mark recognized that the constant financial disagreements were taking a toll on their marriage. He cared about Lisa’s feelings and wanted their relationship to be happy and harmonious. Instead of arguing with Lisa about his spending, Mark decided to approach the issue differently.

He initiated a calm conversation with Lisa, expressing his understanding of her concerns and acknowledging the importance of financial stability. He admitted that they needed a balanced approach. Mark suggested that they both compromise: he would be more conscious of his spending, and Lisa would relax her strict budgeting to allow for occasional treats and surprises.

The transformation:

By prioritizing happiness over being right, Mark and Lisa were able to create a more balanced approach to their finances. They started working together as a team to achieve their shared financial goals and address their individual spending preferences.

This shift in mindset allowed them to appreciate each other’s strengths and learn from one another. Lisa began to see the value in some of Mark’s spontaneous and fun purchases, while Mark appreciated the security that Lisa’s budgeting provided.

Their relationship improved as they focused on finding common ground and nurturing their emotional connection. The financial disagreements became less frequent and were resolved with empathy and understanding, ultimately leading to a happier and healthier marriage.


In the grand scheme of a marriage, being right is often a fleeting victory. The emotional damage caused by the relentless pursuit of being right can be lasting and harmful to a relationship. The ultimate goal in marriage should be happiness, connection, and a sense of togetherness.

By shifting the focus away from being right and toward happiness, you can build a stronger, more resilient, and ultimately happier marriage. Remember, a harmonious and fulfilling partnership is worth far more than being right in any argument.

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