For most couples, during the early years of marriage things are intense and passionate, and sex usually comes very natural and easy. But over time, sex in the relationship often dwindles and couples stop having frequent sexual intimacy, and it becomes something they do very seldom.
This reality is a very common theme for MANY couples!
According to many experts, couples that find themselves in this type of relationship where they are having virtually no sexual intimacy, have around an 80% chance of ending in divorce.
So you have the relationships where couples just aren’t having sex due to one of the spouses loosing interest.
The second scenario is where the lower desire spouse is not wanting to have sex, but does so occasionally out of feeling “duty” to do so. This is called “duty sex.”
No one likes duty sex. Not the spouse giving in, nor the spouse on the receiving end. The problem with duty sex is the spouse doing it is going to feel resentment towards the high desire spouse, and the high desire spouse is going to feel rejected and withdrawn by the lower desire spouse.
Many relationships fall under these categories where there is little to no sex happening, or where if there is sex happening, it is “duty sex” happening in the relationship.
So how can marriages (or the low desire spouse) want to start making love again?
Before we dive into the article and discuss these things, check out the amazing podcast we did on this subject titled: 228. Enough With The “Duty” Sex. How To Start Wanting To Make Love Again.
Strategies to Reignite Passion:
- CHANGE YOUR MINDSET! Instead of looking at sex negatively, look at the positives that come from making love together, because there are many! Check out this article titled: Here Are The Top Reasons Why You Should Have Sex Tonight!
- Alter Initiation Patterns: Change how you initiate sex. Avoid criticism and the blame game. Mix things up to end power struggles by finding subtle ways to express attraction without demanding closeness.
- Increase Physical Touch: Holding hands and hugging release oxytocin, reducing stress hormones and fostering connection. Give each other back rubs or massages! Cuddle on the couch together.
- Build Anticipation: Enhance pleasure by allowing tension to grow during foreplay and creating a romantic atmosphere.
- Separate Intimacy from Routine: Reserve the bedroom for intimacy, avoiding discussions about household chores or relationship issues.
- Quality Time Together: Engage in enjoyable activities, flirt, and court each other to spark desire and intimacy. Do the things you did together when you were dating! Go out, have fun and spend great quality time together.
- Focus on Affectionate Touch: Non-sexual touch like back or shoulder rubs can reignite passion, even for less touchy-feely individuals.
- Emotional Vulnerability: Share innermost desires and focus on connecting emotionally in your relationship. Strong emotional connection will lead to a good physical connection.
- Curiosity in Intimacy: Experiment to discover new pleasures and deepen understanding of each other.
- Variety in Sexual Experiences: Explore various forms of intimacy, adjusting to changing needs. Don’t be afraid to try some intimacy aids (sex toys) as they can really help in the bedroom. We have a lot of great products in the Ultimate Intimacy Store that can really help you connect as a couple.
- Prioritize Intimacy: Set the stage for passion by prioritizing intimacy over distractions like TV or work. Schedule it if needed. So many couples are addicted to their devices and other time wasters that they don’t find time to connect intimately. Prioritize your marriage and relationship.
If you want to stop having “duty sex” to really enjoying connecting intimately, these things can really help. So much of it is just changing your mindset about how you view sex, and making it a priority in your marriage.
Ultimate intimacy
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