Sexual desire is a natural part of human behavior and everyone’s sex drive is different. When two people come together in a marriage, it is common for one spouse to have a higher sex drive than the other. This difference can lead to problems in the relationship if not addressed properly. However, it is important to understand that neither the high desire spouse nor the low desire spouse is right or wrong – they are just different. This is the way God made men and women and he doesn’t make mistakes.
Communication is key in any relationship, especially when it comes to discussing sex and intimacy. Couples need to be open and honest with each other about their sexual desires and needs. It is important to understand that sex drives can change over time due to emotional intimacy, stress, health issues, pregnancy, and other factors. Therefore, couples need to have ongoing discussions about their sex life.
The high desire spouse should not expect the low desire spouse to have sex every day or multiple times a week. Similarly, the low desire spouse should not use sex as a bargaining tool or withhold sex to punish the high desire spouse. Both spouses need to be respectful of each other’s needs and come up with a compromise that works for both of them.
Here is a great podcast that you may want to listen to:
105. Dealing With Different Sex Drives And Why You Need To Find A Balance In Your Marriage
It is important for couples to look at the bigger picture when it comes to sex and intimacy. A lack of emotional intimacy, neglecting each other’s needs, and not communicating effectively can lead to problems in the bedroom. For example, if a man is neglecting his wife emotionally, she is less likely to want to be physically intimate with him. Remember that emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand.
A wife needs the emotional intimacy before she will have the desire for the physical intimacy. If emotional intimacy is lacking, so will the physical intimacy. For a husband, many of them need the physical intimacy before they will have the desire to provide the emotional intimacy. This is why it is so important to discuss this openly.
In order to find a compromise, couples need to listen to each other and try to understand each other’s needs. It may be helpful to negotiate a deal or find ways to fulfill each other’s needs outside of the bedroom. For example, if a wife wants her husband to help around the house more often, he could offer to do so in exchange for more intimacy and emotional connection.
Dealing with different sex drives is a common issue in marriages. However, it is important for couples to be open and honest with each other about their needs and desires. Effective communication and finding a compromise that works for both spouses is key to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. Remember, marriage is about serving your spouse without any expectations and finding ways to make each other happy.
These questions can help you better communicate about this tough subject together.
Answer the following questions and then discuss your answers together as a couple:
- I am the higher drive spouse.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- I am the lower drive spouse.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- Having different sex drives causes issues in our marriage.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- I am happy with our sexual frequency.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- We have already communicated with each other about our sexual desire differences.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- We do a good job at finding balance with our sex drives.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
- We can easily talk, we are open with each other, and are respectful about this subject.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
If you can learn to communicate about sex, your sex life will improve greatly. There are many couples (in fact most) that have different sex drives, but still have amazing sexual intimacy in the marriage, so don’t use different sex drives as a reason to not have a great sex life!
Check out this other great article: Understanding Your Sexual Response is The Key to a Fulfilling Sex Life
Ultimate Intimacy
Do you feel like there are barriers that keep you from having amazing sexual intimacy? Then you need to get the Ultimate Intimacy Sexual Intimacy Workbook! This workbook is designed to help you and your spouse identify the things (barriers) that are keeping you from having the sexual intimacy that you desire! Join the thousands of other couples that have taken their sexual intimacy to a whole new level!
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