Check out the great podcast episode “How To Have A Strong Marriage After The Kids Move Out”
Since 1990, the divorce rate among couples between the ages of 55 – 64 has more than doubled.
Couples focus so much time and energy on raising their kids that they often neglect their own relationship and find out later down the road that it is very difficult to reconnect as they have grown so far apart. This is a common problem that we see a lot in marriages. Whenever we talk about how a marriage should come before the kids, we get a lot of comments (mostly from husbands) that the kids absolutely come first in their marriage and they feel their marriage suffers because of it.
Another reasons is spouses may react differently when the kids move out, while one spouse may experience sadness and grief, and even depression when the kids are all gone, the other is excited about future possibilities, rekindling their relationship and writing another chapter in there book of life. When couples are at odds, this can also cause issues in the relationship.
We did a fantastic podcast (episode 64) on this subject with 24/7 Marriage and discussed these things as well. You can check out the podcast episode HERE
Here are 8 ways to create a strong marriage after the kids move out:
1. Accept that things have changed and will continue to change. You are in a different stage of life now.
One thing we can count on in life is that things change constantly and it is only a matter of time until the kids move out and start their own lives, families and no longer need us a parents in their lives constantly. Accept this and realize you are entering a new stage in life where instead of sacrificing your life for your kids, you and your spouse can now make new memories and a new chapter in your book of life. Change is good and can create many new opportunities and experiences.
2. Focus on spending quality time together, not pursuing your own things with your time.
So many couples tend to go different directions when they get to retirement (or when the kids move out). They pursue their own interests or hobbies on their own instead of things that they can do together as a couple. It is only natural that your relationship with grow apart if you are pursuing your own hobbies and interests separately. Now we are not suggesting that you should not have your own hobbies and have time apart, but we are suggesting to find a balance in what you do. Find things you enjoy doing together and spend good quality time together doing things you both enjoy whether it’s hiking, traveling, golfing or whatever it may be.
3. Remember how it all began
It’s amazing how quickly old feelings and emotions can come back. Take time together to reminisce and remember how your life together began. Talk about how you fell in love, dates you had together, look at photos of your earlier stages of your relationship, discuss your favorite memories, trips and time you had together and how you fell in love.
4. Plan a getaway together
Taking a trip together is a great way to reconnect like few other things can do. We talk about this often and how important it is to get away from the “everyday” life. Getting away doesn’t mean you have to spend a ton of money or go somewhere exotic. Many of our best times and experiences together are 1-2 night trips that aren’t even far from home. Continue to go on vacations or get a ways together when the kids are gone! Check out the travel section on the Ultimate Intimacy App for great travel packages and deals!
5. Talk about new interests and goals
When the kids are gone, you are essentially starting a new life together. Discuss with each other new interests you have, your goals and dreams you have and things you want to accomplish and do together and plan on how you are going to accomplish them (set goals together). Just because the kids are gone doesn’t mean you can’t have new things you want to accomplish together. In a way your new life is just beginning. Check out the bucket list on the Ultimate Intimacy App under the “Intimate Extras” section.
6. Date Night
Not only is date night important when the kids are at home, but equally as important as when the kids are gone. It is so important to have date nights and spend romantic quality time together just like you did when you were young and dating, then newly married. There are so many fun things you can do together. For great ideas, check out our amazing date night idea cards.
7. Enjoy physical intimacy
Many people believe when you get older you loose interest in sex. However many older couples have a much higher level of sexual satisfaction. Make sex a priority in your marriage and a time to connect. Try some things to spice up your marriage like the Ultimate Intimacy App! It has tons of great ideas and ways to connect!
8. Focus on your health
Couples that are healthy have a much happier and enjoyable life and marriage. Spend time exercising, and watch what you are eating. Take care of your bodies and mind so you can enjoy time together doing the things that you want to do. People dont realize how important good health and the impact it has in their physical and emotional well being.
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