Lets face it, life is crazy busy with work, kids, activities, hobbies and many other things that are important in our lives. But how many of these things get in the way of spending quality time together as a couple and building your relationship stronger? We often justify by thinking that these things are good, and while it is good to have our kids in activities, have fun hobbies, and many other things in life, they can be bad if they are getting in the way of the most important thing which is the relationship with your spouse.
I really believe “busyness” is a huge problem and it often causes many good relationships to fall apart. No one ever intends for this to happen but something that slowly happens over time until we realize it is almost too late. When our lives are this busy, couples stop communicating, and intimacy with each other also fades and takes a back seat until you get to the point where you feel like you are just “living” with each other. Here are some things you can do in your marriage to help:
Make Your Spouse The #1 Priority
Seriously think about all the things that occupy your time throughout the day and how many of them are more important that your spouse? How many of these things could you be spending less time on, or doing together with your spouse? Make your spouse the priority! And yes, this includes being a priority over the kids. I know that sounds harsh, but the reality is a couple is going to be together forever. The kids are yours until they leave the house and then they are gone and start their own lives. You need to be investing you “your” relationship and “your” future as a couple together.
Amy and I several years ago decided that our relationship was going to come first (even before our kids). Now that doesn’t mean we ignore our kids but we have told our kids that certain nights are ours for date night, and they know that our time together is very important. It is amazing their (our kids) attitude now as they see that our marriage is the most important thing and they see how much we love each other. They know that is how they should be treated or treat their spouse when they get married and they see that family is the most important thing. Our kids still get to participate in MANY activities and our lives are still crazy busy, but we we do make time and our relationship a priority.
Its Ok To Say “No” Sometimes
Sometimes many of our “time” problems can be solved by saying “NO”. Getting back to what we talked about, we can take every second of our day doing things that we think are good, but if the good things are causes other areas of our life to become bad, then is it really good? We need to learn to say “No” to people, and things, and determine what is the most important use of our time. Saying no to someone can be very difficult, but doing so will keep you connected to your spouse
Set Boundaries On “Your” Time
Determine how much time your are going to give to work, activities, service and other things in your life and the time you are going to have for you and your spouse to spend time together as a couple and invest in your relationship. Set boundaries on that time and dont let anything get in the way of the time with your spouse.
Get Rid Of The Less Important Things In Your Life
There are so many things that can distract you, or get in the way from spending good quality time together with your spouse. These can include friends, hobbies, or just sitting on your phone killing time. I am not saying any of this is bad as we do need balance in our lives, but if it is taking away the time you could be spending together as a couple, then get rid of it, or at least manage your time better.
Get Out And Do Things Together
Find hobbies and things that both of you like to do together such as hiking, golfing, tennis, exercising or whatever it may be and spend time together doing your hobbies and being together. You will find your relationship will grow much closer just spending quality time together.
Grow Your Friendship Together
Couples with deeper friendships have much better marriages, AND their sexual intimacy as a couple will be more frequent and intensify. Think about how your relationship with your spouse was when you were dating. Your relationship was built upon a great friendship and lots of time spent together.
Make Intimacy A priority And Schedule Time For It If needed
The first thing to often get put on the back seat in a busy life is physical intimacy. However, this is one of the most important aspects of marriage. Intimacy is a way to connect in so many ways than just physical, It is very dangerous to not have sexual intimacy on a regular basis. Take time and plan this if needed so you can look forward to it as a couple and not let anything get in the way of it. My wife and I use to laugh at scheduled sex, but no more…I am a big believer in scheduling sex so it is something you and your spouse can get ready mentally and physically for and not let anything get in the way. We have done this with our date night and we haven’t missed a date night in a very long time.
You might light the article: Should I schedule Sex in my marriage?
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