In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to keep up with societal expectations, especially when it comes to marriage. We often compare our relationships to those portrayed in movies, on social media, or even within our circle of friends.
The relentless pursuit of keeping up with perceived standards can have devastating effects on our marriages. In this article, we’ll explore the harmful consequences of this approach and offer insights on how to break free from this damaging cycle.
Check out this great podcast episode Why Comparing Your Marriage And Life To Others Can Destroy Yours!
Unrealistic Expectations
One of the most significant issues arising from trying to keep up in marriage is the formation of unrealistic expectations. Movies and social media often depict relationships as constantly passionate, problem-free, and filled with grand gestures of love.
When we compare our own marriages to these idealized portrayals, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Real relationships have ups and downs, conflicts, and everyday challenges that don’t make it into the highlight reel.
Don’t compare your marriage to others! Your experiences and challenges are going to be different and unique from others. Appreciate the things you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have.
We recently did a podcast episode titled: 191. The Priceless Things We Learned About Marriage From Watching Married At First Sight, And How They Can Help Your Relationship!
Often times many of us think the grass is greener on the other side because of what we see on social media or the movies. We have an illusion that things should be perfect. Every time we watch the show, we even more come to the realization that what we have is amazing as many couples just can’t find love, get a long, and most the couples end up in divorce.
After listening to the episode we hope you realize how lucky you are to have each other and that you can be grateful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have, because most people would give everything they have to have what you have in marriage.
Increased Stress and Anxiety
The relentless pursuit of perfection in marriage can lead to increased stress and anxiety. The pressure to have the perfect home, maintain a certain appearance, and constantly impress your spouse can be overwhelming. This chronic stress not only affects your mental health but also strains the relationship itself, leading to more significant problems down the road.
Communication Breakdown
When couples are too focused on keeping up appearances, they may avoid discussing their true feelings, concerns, or problems. This lack of open communication can cause a rift in the relationship, as issues go unresolved and emotions remain bottled up. Over time, the inability to communicate effectively can lead to misunderstandings and distance between a couple.
Neglect of True Intimacy
Authentic intimacy in a marriage goes far beyond superficial gestures or grand displays of affection. Trying to keep up with external expectations often distracts from cultivating genuine emotional and physical intimacy. Couples may focus on appearing happy rather than nurturing their deep connection, which can lead to emotional distance and a sense of emptiness in the relationship.
Financial Strain
Keeping up with the Joneses can extend to financial matters as well. Couples who try to maintain a certain lifestyle may overspend, accumulate debt, or neglect saving for their future. Financial strain is a common source of marital conflict and can lead to long-term damage to the relationship if not addressed.
We can share from personal experience the stress that financial strain brings into a relationship. When you are financially tapped to the limit, you are a prisoner to the debt. There is true happiness and freedom when you get rid of the financial strains in your life attributed to “keeping up” or trying to.
Check out this great article on how to stay out of debt in marriage.
Loss of Individuality
In the quest to fit into societal molds, some individuals may lose sight of their own identity within the marriage. They may suppress their own interests, passions, and aspirations to conform to external expectations. This loss of individuality can result in feelings of resentment and unfulfillment, both individually and within the marriage.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
- Open and Honest Communication: Start by discussing your feelings and concerns with your spouse openly and honestly. Create a safe space for vulnerability and transparency within your marriage.
- Define Your Priorities: Reflect on what truly matters to you and your spouse in your marriage. Focus on nurturing the aspects that are most important to both of you, rather than conforming to external standards.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Embrace the fact that your marriage will have its highs and lows. Set realistic expectations for what a healthy and fulfilling relationship looks like, tailored to your unique circumstances.
- Seek Support: If you find it challenging to break free from the cycle of trying to keep up, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these challenges and develop healthier relationship dynamics.
Conclusion
Trying to keep up in marriage can have devastating effects, eroding the authenticity and intimacy that are crucial for a healthy and lasting partnership. By acknowledging the harmful consequences of this approach and taking steps to prioritize communication, authenticity, and realistic expectations, couples can break free from the damaging cycle and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship together.
Remember that a successful marriage is not about keeping up with others; it’s about creating a bond that is uniquely yours.
Ultimate Intimacy
