18 Jan

After reading this article, you may also find this podcast episode very insightful.

135. What To Do When Your Love Languages Are Different.. And Knowing Each Others Love Language Isn’t Working?

We have talked about the love languages before, but it is such a big issue for couples that we felt like we needed to do another episode diving into the topic at a much deeper level, and providing step by step things that you can do. Many couples tell us that although they know each others love languages, there are still issues in their marriage over different love languages in the relationship. It is not enough to know each others love languages, but there are other things you need to do to and implement to fulfill each others needs and find that balance.

In this episode Nick and Amy talk about the things you can do to have a great relationship even with opposite love languages, and the secrets to not only understanding each others love languages, but to fulfill them in the “right” way.

If you know your spouses love language, but still cannot find the balance you are both looking for, then this episode is for you!

Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion that often serves as the foundation of our most intimate relationships. It’s a language spoken in various dialects, each resonating differently with different individuals.

Dr. Gary Chapman, a renowned relationship counselor, introduced the concept of love languages in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” According to Chapman, understanding and effectively communicating in these love languages is crucial for fostering healthy and fulfilling relationships.

What Are the Love Languages?

The love languages are five distinct ways in which people express and experience love. They are:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Verbal expressions of love and appreciation, compliments, and words that build up your spouse emotionally.
  2. Quality Time: Giving undivided attention to your spouse, engaging in meaningful activities together, and creating cherished moments.
  3. Receiving Gifts: Thoughtful and meaningful gifts that symbolize love and care, irrespective of their monetary value.
  4. Acts of Service: Actions that ease your spouse’s burdens, help with tasks, or perform acts that show consideration and care.
  5. Physical Touch: Non-verbal physical gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, or any form of physical contact that conveys love and affection.

Importance of Understanding Love Languages in Relationships

When couples comprehend each other’s love languages, it enables them to express love more effectively and feel loved and appreciated in return. Miscommunication often arises when partners express love in their preferred way without considering their spouse‚Äôs preferences.

For instance, if one partner’s primary love language is acts of service, they may show love by doing household chores. However, if the other spouse’s primary love language is quality time, they might not feel loved because they crave focused attention.

How Couples Can Express Love Through Different Love Languages

  1. Words of Affirmation: Leave sweet notes, send thoughtful texts, or verbally express your love and appreciation regularly. Compliment your partner genuinely and acknowledge their efforts.
  2. Quality Time: Schedule regular date nights or engage in activities your partner enjoys. Put away distractions like phones or TVs and focus entirely on each other.
  3. Receiving Gifts: It’s not about the price but the thoughtfulness behind the gift. Surprise your spouse with something meaningful or something they’ve mentioned wanting.
  4. Acts of Service: Help with chores, run errands without being asked, or take on responsibilities to lighten your spouse’s load.
  5. Physical Touch: Hold hands, cuddle, or give massages. Physical contact fosters a sense of intimacy and closeness.

To find out you or your spouses love language, download the Ultimate Intimacy App and take the FREE quiz! Find out why the app has been downloaded by over 700,000 people and has a 4.8/5 star rating!


Understanding and speaking each other’s love languages is a fundamental aspect of nurturing a strong and lasting relationship. It’s essential to communicate openly with your spouse about your preferred love language and understand theirs to ensure both of you feel loved and valued.

By actively expressing love in the language your partner understands best, you can create a deeper connection and strengthen the bond between you both. In the end, love languages serve as a roadmap to deeper intimacy and enduring love in relationships.

Ultimate Intimacy

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