Marriage is a beautiful union that brings two individuals together to create a partnership based on love, trust, and mutual respect. However, as with any relationship, there can be challenges and disagreements that arise. One of the most common issues that can arise in a marriage is the idea of “keeping score.”
This refers to the practice of keeping track of who does what and who owes who, often leading to feelings of resentment and bitterness. In this article, we will discuss the reasons why you shouldn’t keep score in your marriage, and the devastating impacts it can have.
It creates a competitive atmosphere
Keeping score in a marriage creates a competitive atmosphere where each partner is focused on who is doing more and who is doing less. This can create tension and conflict in the relationship, making it difficult to build a strong foundation of trust and mutual support.
When spouses feel like they are constantly competing with each other, they may become resentful and hostile towards one another, which can damage the relationship.
It breeds resentment
Keeping score can lead to feelings of resentment and bitterness. When one partner feels like they are doing more than their fair share, it can lead to feelings of being taken for granted and unappreciated. Over time, these feelings can build up and cause resentment towards the other spouse. This can damage the relationship and make it difficult to move forward.
It can damage intimacy
When couples keep score, they can become more focused on tasks and responsibilities than on each other. This can make it difficult to build and maintain intimacy, which is a key component of a healthy and happy marriage. Couples who are constantly keeping track of who does what may find it difficult to connect emotionally, leading to a lack of intimacy in the relationship.
It creates a power imbalance
Keeping score can create a power imbalance in the relationship. When one spouse feels like they are doing more than their fair share, they may feel like they are in a position of power over the other spouse. This can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility, and can make it difficult to build a relationship based on mutual respect and trust.
Tom and Sarah, who had been married for several years. They were both hard-working professionals, and they shared many responsibilities around the house. However, over time, Sarah began to feel like she was doing more than her fair share. She was the one who did most of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, while Tom often came home late from work and would relax in front of the TV.
At first, Sarah didn’t say anything…
She thought that Tom would eventually notice how much she was doing and offer to help more. But as the weeks and months went by, Sarah became more and more resentful. She felt like she was doing all the work and that Tom was taking her for granted.
One day, Sarah decided to bring up the issue with Tom. She told him how she was feeling and how she felt like she was doing more than her fair share. Tom was surprised to hear this and had no idea that Sarah was feeling this way. He apologized and promised to help out more around the house.
However, things didn’t get better…
Sarah found herself keeping track of every task that Tom didn’t do, and she would bring it up every time they had a disagreement. Tom, on the other hand, felt like he was being constantly criticized and that Sarah didn’t appreciate the things he did do.
Over time, their marriage began to suffer. They became more focused on who was doing what and who was doing more, rather than working together as a team. They began to feel resentful and hostile towards each other, and their intimacy suffered.
Eventually, Tom and Sarah realized that they needed to change their approach. They sat down and had an open and honest conversation about their expectations and responsibilities. They agreed to work together as a team, rather than keeping score. They also decided to show more appreciation for each other and to communicate more effectively.
As a result, their relationship improved dramatically.
They were able to build a stronger foundation based on trust, mutual respect, and cooperation. They realized that keeping score was only damaging their relationship and that working together was the key to a happy and successful marriage.
In conclusion, keeping score in a marriage is a practice that can be detrimental to the relationship. It creates a competitive atmosphere, breeds resentment, damages intimacy, and creates a power imbalance.
Instead of keeping score, it is better to focus on communication, cooperation, and mutual support in order to build a strong foundation for your marriage. By working together, couples can create a relationship that is based on love, trust, and mutual respect, rather than one that is focused on who is winning or losing.
Also check out one of the most amazing books we have ever read called The 80/80 Marriage which talks about why you shouldn’t keep score in marriage.
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