You may also like the podcast episode we did: 170 Do Women Have Complete Control And “Say So” When It Comes To Sexual Intimacy?
Let’s be honest… women do have complete control and say so when it comes to sex. In this article we will explain the reasons why this is true, and why couples should both have a say so when it comes to their sex life, and the things they can do to change this within their marriage.
We also acknowledge that this is not the case in ALL marriages, and your marriage may be one of the exceptions, but after talking to and hearing from thousands of couples, this is a common theme among the majority of marriages.
We polled our audience to see what they thought and here are the results:
The majority of women have a responsive desire style when it comes to sex. This means they literally are NEVER going to be in the mood for sex… unless they get in the mood through foreplay and arousal first.
The majority of men however typically have a spontaneous desire style. This means he can see his beautiful wife getting dressed, or be thinking about her or sex and immediately be in the mood for sex.
Because of these different response and desire styles, foreplay has always played a significant role in getting the wife in the mood for sexual intimacy.
In todays society, we talk all the time on social media about how important sex is in marriage etc and we are always encouraging couples to have more sex and find enjoyment in it as sex plays a vital role in the happiness in a couples marriage.
Don’t believe us? Check out this poll we did where both husbands and wives answered.
When we post something on social media about encouraging couples to have more sex, WE GET DESTROYED BY MANY OF THE FEMINIST WOMEN THAT HATE MEN! These women try to convince other women that they should never have sex unless it’s totally 100% on their terms. Sex should be used to get what they want in life.
They are trying to convince women that they don’t need a husband and they should focus on themselves and their needs (be selfish) and that is the only way they will be happy in life.
These women leave vicious comments in our posts stating that a woman is 100% in control, and if a women is not in the mood to have sex, it is absolutely not ok for a man to try to “get” his wife in the mood through foreplay, or it is considered marital rape.
Now we want to be clear we are not advocating for a spouse to have sex if they don’t want to as that is not ok. Hopefully you get what we are trying to portray and express in this article.
The question we have is “what ever happened to foreplay?” The entire purpose of foreplay is to get a low desire spouse in the mood! A spouse doest have to be in the mood to have sex, but they just have to be willing to allow their spouse to get them in the mood.
Check out this great podcast episode: What is foreplay and why is it so important?
The problem with a woman controlling every aspect of sex in the relationship, is if a woman has a responsive desire style (the majority of women), they are NEVER going to be in the mood for sex, unless they get in the mood through foreplay first! It is ok for women to allow themselves to get in the mood, or allow their husbands to get them in the mood. THAT IS THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF FOREPLAY!
MANY women are buying into this narrative and are being convinced that their husbands are sex addicts that just want sex, and that they shouldn’t have sex unless it is 100% on their terms, and they are in the mood, otherwise it is martial rape. Therefore, they never have sex, and if they do it is on their terms to get what they want from their husbands.
Therefore a woman is in TOTAL control of “if” they are going to have sex, “when” they are going to have sex, “how often” they are going to have sex, “why” they should have sex, “how long” they are going to have sex for and everything related to sex.
Most men are very aware of this movement and what is going on. They reach out to us in frustration stating how their wife controls every aspect of their sex life, or uses sex to get what they want, and the husbands are scared to death to talk about it, bring it up, or even pursue sex anymore. So… they basically live in a sexless marriage where the wife controls every aspect of sexual intimacy in the relationship.
Jordan Peterson did a video on sexless marriages and stated:
Men don’t want to specify their needs and wants. They are embarrassed that they “need” anything. They are afraid they are going to be rejected. They are afraid it will cause a fight
Many women know the power of sex, and how important sexual intimacy is to their husbands. Therefore sex is often used as a tool to get what they want from their husband.
UNFORTUNATELY MANY MARRIAGES ARE LIKE THIS SO SOME DEGREE OR ANOTHER WHERE THE WIFE HAS COMPLETE AND TOTAL CONTROL WHEN IT COMES TO SEX.
If you are a wife treating your husband (or wife) like this, whether intentionally, or unintentionally, it is causing significant harm to your marriage.
Now we are absolutely in no way saying a wife should just have sex anytime her husband wants it. What we are saying is sex is such a powerful force and emotion, and way for a couple to connect, feel desired and loved. This extremely powerful emotion should not be used as a tool to manipulate and get what you want. It should be used to bring you closer together as a couple, and grow in love.
Consider this:
A husband goes to work everyday even when he isn’t in the mood…. He cannot just say no and that he is not in the mood, but he does it because he knows it is important for the family, and his wife.
Sex should be treated like this in a relationship. Although a woman may not be in the mood, they should consider how important sexual intimacy is in their relationship as a couple and a couple should discuss these things in their marriage and find a good balance.
Here is a great article titled: Why You Need To Start Discussing Sexpectations
So what can couples do to find a balance in their marriage where sex is not fully controlled by the wife?
- Don’t use sex as a weapon to get what you want
- Talk about sex and discuss sexpectations together. This can include scheduling sex, frequency, likes, dislikes and everything related to sex.
Because sex is such a powerful emotional and vulnerable act between a couple, it should not be used as a weapon, or to manipulate a spouse. Sex should be something discussed and determined together as a couple.
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